Da Goddess

Marshall Tucker keeps playing in my head these days.

“Can’t you see?
Whoa, can’t you see?
What that woman, Lord, been doin’ to me…”

It’s been on a near constant loop in my brain for the past 7 to 10 days. It’s been about that long since I basically lost all but the blurriest vision in my right eye.

It’s just a worsening of the cataract that I needed to have surgery on last year, but didn’t because I had nowhere to stay during the surgery and recovery time.

Everything was fine until about 10 days ago. I woke up and my eye was a little sore, a little itchy, but nothing major…until I started to get on with my day and realized my right eye felt “off”. I did the whole close one eye to test my vision thing and BAM! All I had was colorful blurry blobs in my right eye.

Well, that’s not great news. Natch. But I’m left-eyed. So, it could be a lot worse. A LOT WORSE. Of course, I need to make a special appointment with my ophthalmologist in San Diego very soon. I’d try to squeeze it in on Monday while I’m there, but that’s not optimal as far as timing and such. I’ll be there for a very short time. Essentially there two days. Then it’s back to Phoenix with my friend J. We’re doing a quick trip to get as much of my belongings as we can fit in a van and also for a bladder/kidney scan (one of the more exciting exams one can ever schedule). It’s necessary since I’ve had intermittent bouts of urinating bright red blood.

While chances are this is another health problem related to Covid, I opted out of the study here because it ended up too far away from where I live. The study would have covered the scan and whatever treatment is necessary. However, this particular study did NOT include transportation for 2-3 appointments a week for the first month and I most certainly can’t afford to Uber 70 miles round trip that often. Thus, my San Diego doctor was kind enough to set up the test I needed. I’m also supposed to have a pain management appointment after, but there’s a problem with authorization (of course!). So I’m taking what I can get this time around and will schedule more for September when I go back to get the remainder of my stuff.

Very exciting, right?

This past Tuesday, J and I drove her kids up to Vegas to be with their dad. Two chatty little ones and two chatty grown-ups. Four and a half hours or so there. Just over four hours back. It was a good trip. And honestly, I’m in awe that J does this trip frequently. Alone.
———
Fast forward to today’s trip. We made great time, dumped our meager belongings at the hotel (a $200 room for $35 because J works for the hotel chain and this is one of the perks), then headed over to my sister’s. I got to see Fletch! OMG! He’s so stinkin’ sweet. I love that cat more than life itself. While I’d take him back in a heartbeat, he’s settled there and C&D have become accustomed to having him in their lives. No way I’m breaking up that power trio even if I could. For now, I will enjoy the cats at J’s and get kitty loves when I can.

Anyhow, we loaded up the minivan with quite a bit of my belongings and hit up In & Out Burgers for dinner. We’re now settled into our room and are trying to get comfortable. We’re exhausted. Sweaty and exhausted. Sweaty, exhausted, and feeling oddly accomplished. It’s a good, satisfying sensation.

Tests in the morning. Off to sleep.

Photos of the storm were encountered on our drive and a very melty version of me.

I can’t post photos because the new version of WordPress doesn’t have the option to upload that I can easily discern. *facepalm* Oy.

Between goosebumps and tears, I watched every video I could of Joni Mitchell performing at the Newport Folk Festival this year. She hadn’t performed a full set anywhere for 22 years due to a life-threatening aneurysm, but boy did she make up for lost time!

Here are some of the highlights. (Special shout out to Brandi Carlile — God, I love her — for making this happen!)

Bonus tracks!

I hope this helps create a good mood for your Tuesday and maybe even your entire week.

I know I posted more than two videos — how could I not? This is just so good! Please head over to the Tubes of You for more Joni and even more great music. You’ll be glad you did#

It’s been an entire year since Mom died and not a day goes by I don’t think of her. How could I not? She was more than just a parent; she was my hero, my inspiration, my guide, and my friend.

I still remember the phone call from my sister around 0130 a year ago. I knew it was coming and I knew it was the best thing for her. And yet, it still gutted me. It took a while to really process it, but the hurt was there. The tears…oh, those tears. Of course, yes, I cried my damn eyes out off and on for…I don’t know how long.

The moment she got her diagnosis, we all knew the clock was ticking down. The only goal for any of us was to make whatever time Mom had left as comfortable and as pleasant as possible. We were so grateful the assisted living facility where she lived gave us such freedom to be with her. The pandemic was still an issue, but we were lucky this happened at a time when we were able to visit and just be together. A lot of families were denied that for far too long. I can’t imagine Mom being alone at the end of her life. Thank God she wasn’t!

I still see her in those last weeks, surrounded by her friends and the small family we are at this point. Her laughter is with me even now. (As I write this, a hummingbird just flew up to me and hovered a moment. I believe it was sent by her to let me know she’s watching over me. I have her painting of a hummingbird as one of my most prized possessions.)

I hope when it’s my time to go that I can go the way she did: with the dignity and love she had, on her terms.

Mom will always be missed so very much. Her love of life and her joy in creating — painting and making a warm, welcoming environment for those she treasured — it was a big part of who she was and how she chose to live. There will never be another like her, but I’m so glad I got to be her daughter.

I love you, Mom!

These are some songs my mom loved and, especially this first one, were the songs Mom wanted for her funeral/memorial. For years. YEARS.

These last two songs are just from me and were songs Mom and I laughed and joked about.

Today’s Mom’s birthday. Or, rather, it would have been her birthday.

It’s a bittersweet day.

I’ve been thinking about her a lot, naturally. How lucky was I to have a mother who inspired and encouraged me throughout my life? She loved all us kids and never let us forget it! She protected us from some of the more awful things in life while trying to guide us through the scariest parts with love and gentle care.

I wish I could give Mom a great big hug right now and take her a homemade cake. But, since I can’t, here’s a song that makes me think of her:

I miss you, Mom! Happy birthday up there! I hope you’re having a marathon card game and laughing yourself silly. I love you!

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.
~ William Faulkner

May your 4th of July be safe and happy! And may you recall what this day is truly about.

Freedom is a hard-won reward. We can’t take it for granted or we may lose it. So, please, take a moment today and consider how special this great nation of ours is — we have fought for our right to disagree and speak our minds, as well as the right to take a day off and celebrate all manner of our liberties.

P.S. in a weird bit of…??? (I don’t even know what word I’d use here?) coincidence (perhaps?), I was setting up this post and wanted a photo to go along with it. I dig into my archives only to find I’d written this particular post before, word for word. Go figure. Oh well, at least my song was an original choi… (Record scratch. Loooooong, uncomfortable silence. [C’mon, really?]) Same exact song. Same. exact. video.

*facepalm*

Oh well. It’s a classic.

Independence Day has been a federal holiday in the United States since 1941, but the tradition of Independence Day celebrations goes back to the 18th century and the American Revolution. On July 2nd, 1776, the Continental Congress voted in favor of independence, and two days later delegates from the 13 colonies adopted the Declaration of Independence, a historic document drafted by Thomas Jefferson. From 1776 to the present day, July 4th has been celebrated as the birth of American independence.

Stay safe, my peeps!

[Ed. Note: please forgive any and all typos or incoherent passages. I haven’t slept for over 24 hours and I’m not feeling well at all.]