What’s the Worst That Could Happen?

DaGoddess @ 23:46

It’s birthday week. There’s all sorts of great big fun happening to celebrate an event that, technically, I had little to do with. Seriously, I just showed up and everyone oooh’d and aaah’d and I cried, ate, pooped, peed, and slept for a few months after. Kind of the way this week has felt.

Went to the Spring Open House at school for LD last night (meaning Wednesday). Met girlfriend #1. Talked to two teachers, including one who has proven to be a major topic of discussion amongst the gals chattering about our upcoming reunion. Told him he’d have to show up to shed some light on the stories, to which he begged off. I don’t blame him.

Afterwards, our friends took us out to dinner to celebrate that whole “welcome to the world” thing back in 1966. Unlike that original celebration, we focused on real food. They said, “where do you want to go?” I replied, “Outback!” “Didn’t we go there last year?” “Yeah, what’s your point?” “Was that the last time YOU’D been?” “Yep.” “Oh, my…” So Outback was a done deal after Open House. There was a quick stop over at the cruise night to say hi to my dad and his friends. (Luckily everything’s going on in the same parking lot.) Not only did I say hi to my dad, LD saw yet another dog he fell in love with and wants terribly (NOT GONNA HAPPEN HERE, DUDE), and then one of the car couples asked if I’d be free to do a wedding shoot. I got their info and took into consideration the amount they wanted to spend, thought about who I could get to shoot with me for next to nothing, and the amount of time I’d have to put into producing gorgeous photos, and there was this other bit of info: they’d asked my brother-in-law and he quoted them a price I know is lower than he normally would have quoted. I’d kind of feel like a massive backstabber if I were to now quote less than him on a job where I’m not sure I can even find someone to help me shoot. While I was scrambling to do laundry and figure out how to keep my son from outgrowing everything we own, I contemplated every scenario of how I could TRY to shoot on my own, realized I couldn’t, and even more, I couldn’t do nearly the job my brother-in-law could do, so why would I even put myself in that situation? Maybe I could get some high school kid to come help. That wouldn’t be bad, right? I’d still have to process images on my own and come up with an album. Extra, of course. Same with prints. But the bro-in-law thing keeps doggin’ me and I just don’t want to make him feel like I’m chasing him around and taking his fall off. What could possibly go wrong there? Oh, and by the way, what the hell happened to Aaron Hotchner at the end of Criminal Minds last night? And who got eliminated on Make Me A Supermodel? (These things matter even more when your world makes less sense than normal.) But back to the important stuff: what could go wrong?

A million things.

Then there was a wedding I was supposed to assist on this weekend. It starts earlier than I can get everything together. I’ve already missed an assist with this amazingly patient photographer. Do I ditch all the morning plans for dressing graves? Rush through the morning? Dump LD off at his grandmother’s house early? Race home, shower, dress, grab gear, race out to the church, race back to my neck of the woods for the reception? And then collapse? Or do I acknowledge this pushing the limits of my scheduling and physical abilities? The photographer is being VERY understanding. But how many times will she say, “no worries, I have it covered” before she decides she won’t use me? That’s my big worry.

Thankfully we spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday and she really does sound okay with it. I still worry though. And now I worry that my other referrals received yesterday will now somehow fall through. I worry because I care and I feel Murphy breathing down my neck.

In the middle of all this, I’m attempting to work on my gig calendar for the blues thing and guess what? I lost my most current database. The one with all the lovingly corrected venues and phone numbers and names and such. GONE! GONE! GONE! My already complicated job has now turned into a major nightmare. My panic level went from Stationary Panic. To Modified Stationary Panic. Then to Standing Modified Stationary Panic. And then I went into Full Bore Linear Panic. I started tearing through every single folder on my computer. I did search after search and and and found what I thought was the right database and it turned out not to be. So I started crying. But I tried again. I re-entered the search term and dug deeper. Finally, I found the database I needed buried in my PSP Brush and Vector Art folder. I sniffled and sobbed a bit, then I quickly threw up the popcorn I’d made for my ill-thought-out dinner. It has taken me 8 full hours to arrive here. And I feel strung out like I’d been on some alcohol and drug binge. None of this brings me any closer to having STARTED on the actual calendar itself. I just know where it is. There’s a bad taste in my mouth. My heart is just almost back to a normal rhythm. And it’s past my bedtime. I have physical therapy in the morning.

Yes, REAL PHYSICAL THERAPY! I’m considering asking for a visit to a mental health specialist after today. When I get home from PT, I’ll have to pop some pain pills and plow through the calendar thing that should have already been done but isn’t. I’ll also have to get down, get funky, and get on with my own bad self and finish my article. Can’t remember if there’s review or two needed, too. All while I try to remember getting the boy from school and prepared for the dressing of the graves on Saturday. And then? We’re not exactly done figuring out that part just yet.

Through an act of God, last night’s problem with my roommate, which went unblogged for whatever reason, seems to be taken from Defcom 2 back down to Defcom 3 4. LD is now safe to return. And I can’t do much of anything with him as I tippity tip tap away to get everything off my plate that I possibly can.

Oh, there was also a concert I was supposed to shoot for the artist Friday night. Can’t get to it because the car will be off doing something with pizzas and money. Artist duly notified and understanding. Thank God!

I actually finally took a step or sixteen back from it all tonight and grabbed a bag of Kisses (a birthday gift) and began to eat. I had to balance the salt from the popcorn, no? Once the sugar and chocolate kicked in, I realized that I just had to trust in God things would work out as they are supposed to. Just as they have with His Loving Guidance and YOUR generous giving for my OpLove deal. You all so totally rock!

Thank You, Lord, for keeping me in line, for giving me perspective. I can deal now.

So now I sit here briefly enjoying the few moments before my Ambien really kicks in and I drift off to some insane dream in which my breasts are pert and firm once again, where my ass isn’t nearly as joyful (read: dimply and smiley), and where my eyes shine bright green without the weary, irritated redness that has taken up residence the last few days. In this dream, I’m sure to be a smokin’ hottie on a beach I’ve never seen before, wooed by some Adonis I don’t know. We’ll hang out with movie stars and captains of industry, and penguins, cheetahs, and miniature orangutans that will braid my hair and conduct the orchestra of armadillos. I can’t wait. I can feel it already starting to happen.

Oh, and dream or no dream, I can read and fold a map, Scott: “All that satellite garbage is nice and all, makes girls feel like they know where they’re going”. I don’t get GPS for shit. But I can read, follow, and refold any damn map you hand me. Get yer ass out here and I’ll prove it. Better still, take me out and plunk me down in the middle of Texas and I’ll prove it there, too.

By the way, one reason I don’t want to go around undercutting my brother-in-law or another photographer I know on shoots I know they prefer to do is that I believe in Karma. Karma, for lack of a better example at the moment, is exactly what’s biting Ryan Leaf’s sorry butt right about now. From my friends in the know, this was a long time coming.

Now I just wait for karma to catch up to Eli Manning.


  1. I think it’s fair to say that there’s a LOT on your plate right now! Wow!

    Reminds me of the old saying about Ginger Rogers: she did everything Fred did, but backwards and in high heels.

    Keep dancing! ;)

    Comment by Pam — 2009/05/22 @ 06:07

  2. Illegitimus non carborundum est

    Comment by p2 — 2009/05/22 @ 09:38

  3. I’m dancing as fast as I can, Pam. Lookin’ kind wobbly, but you can sense the grace is in there somewhere.

    P2, no bastards. Just my wee brain working harder than it should. This is mental equivalent of an overflowing toilet.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/05/22 @ 13:37

  4. Full Bore Linear Panic – I know who you’ve been reading ;)

    Comment by patti — 2009/05/25 @ 12:29

  5. lol

    Yep. McManus has been my book friend for 25 years and some things never leave your memory.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/05/25 @ 20:21

  6. I’m sorry I missed your birthday. Happy belated birthday, and lots of hugs and kisses!

    Comment by Miachelle — 2009/05/26 @ 12:01

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