2021/05/07

2021 – Day 127: Three Years & a New Loss

Da Goddess @ 15:55

Dad’s been gone three years now. I’m 100% aware of this, yet I still have moments when I almost forget. Almost. Just before I reach for the phone or think “he’d love this!”, I remember. Or the memory becomes less foggy. Either way, I have that incredible split second moment of him being alive again.

I know I’ll never stop grieving the loss. I know the edges of it will dull and the corners round off with time. I know this. I’ve done this before. Just never lost a parent before. Grandparents, sure. But they were old and th…oh yes. That’s right. I remember now. Dad was old, too. It just doesn’t feel like he was old in my heart and my heart calls a lot of the shots on such things.

I miss you, Dad! I love you and miss you and wish I had even five minutes more with you. Even if those five minutes were you yelling. I’d take it.

Dad

* * *

I’d meant to post this other news sooner, but I somehow managed to forget each time.

Jan from the Cascade Exposures blog, who also occasionally posted here, passed away in March. At the beginning of April, I texted her a link to a place I knew she’d want to explore. I didn’t hear back right away as I normally would. Odd. And then I woke up Easter morning to “This is Jan’s mom…” and I knew. I said a quick prayer that maybe she was just in hospital or something, but I knew. I just did.

I didn’t ask for details. I don’t know the exact day she died or the cause. I’ve just felt blessed to have known her and for her mom taking the time out of her grief to let me know her daughter was gone.

Jan had just retired after 30yrs at the same job. She’d loved it. But she finally had the chance to retire and she took it. With the pandemic, work was becoming a hassle with rotating team shifts and such. So, she was excited to retire, hang out with her sweet Lily cat, and she and her mom were planning some trips for the moment they had the okay to safely travel. Jan was going to show her mom Death Valley, which I guess she hadn’t stopped talking about since she and I had gone. I completely get that. It’s a special place for so many reasons.

I wish I could say it gets easier to say goodbye to people as I get older. The simple truth is it gets harder for me. Of the bloggers I’ve lost (Rob, Mikey, Scott, and now Jan), it just seems to me that the world keeps losing bright lights and big hearts. There will always be a place in my heart for these special souls, but especially for Jan. I consider myself fortunate to call her my friend and deeply honored that she called me one, too.

Jan

Okay. That’s it. I’m going to spend the rest of my day tending to my body and soul with some TLC and a warm shower to wash away the sadness.

Please promise me you’ll be here when I get back.

5 Comments

  1. I’m so very sorry to hear about Jan. I know how close you were. :(

    Comment by pam — 2021/05/09 @ 10:17

  2. She was really so kind and funny and patient. Lord, that woman had the patience of a saint! Her cat, Lily, was a very skittish little girl. I don’t think there was anything in her life that caused her to be frightened, but she was. And Jan gave her the time and space to settle in, to grow more confident, and to spaz out (which was hysterical to see! I’ll dig up the videos).

    Because Jan’s dad is highly allergic to cats & because Lily is a very delicate soul (Jan’s mom couldn’t catch her & she finally called in a special cat rescue group to catch the dear thing), Lily is going to be sent back to the shelter where Jan had found her. I hope Jan’s spirit is watching over Lil & helps her find the right person to love her. She deserves to feel safe and loved again.

    If any of you would like to do something in Jan’s honor, her mom suggests the following:

    Community Cat Coalition, P.O. Box 1236, Mukilteo, WA 98275.

    Poulsbo Friends of the Library, PO Box 484, Poulsbo, WA 98370.

    Comment by Da Goddess — 2021/05/10 @ 02:50

  3. Absolutely! For Jan and Lily.

    Comment by pam — 2021/05/15 @ 16:43

  4. CCC is on Facebook, so that makes it easy, if anyone else sees this and wishes to donate.

    Comment by pam — 2021/05/15 @ 16:46

  5. Thank you, Pam! Hugs

    Comment by Da Goddess — 2021/05/16 @ 12:48

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