2019/03/29

A Good Cry

Da Goddess @ 02:36

I’ve been battling a series of unfortunate and disabling headaches the past week or so and I’ve just about had it. I’m never sure how long I’ll be down or if I’ll ever get over it at all.

The one thing I’m pretty sure of is it’s all because of my neck. When my neck stops hurting as much as it does when my headaches are at peak awfulness, the headaches stop. This has been the case since day one. With the exception of that post-op window of neck pain relief. Boy, do I ever miss those days!

So, as I’m wont to do, I go searching for things to make me happy, to distract me, to just find something to make me FEEL something. And I saw Tim Minchin tweet a link to a speech he gave. It made me cry. It was a good cry.

Then, I watched Better Things with Pamela Adelon. The episode was “No Limit”. I cried again. It was cathartic. I usually, at the very least, tear up watching Better Things, but every once in a while I full on bawl. This episode did that to me. Adelon is, quite simply, the funniest, realest, most honest voice of my particular generation of moms, especially single moms. She gets it right. She knows. And she’s just so open about all of it…what we get right and what we get wrong. It touches my heart every. fucking. time. (Pamela, if you somehow see this, THANK YOU for everything — for making me laugh, cry, and mostly making me feel seen and heard and validated.) By the way, if you’ve not seen Better Things, do yourself a favor and watch. Start at the very beginning and work your way up to the current season. You owe yourself this show.

My headache isn’t gone, but I feel better for having cried, if that makes any sense. It’s a start, right?

P.S. my only other attempt to brighten my mood as I fight all this bullshit pain comes down to these two words: purple hair.

2019/03/16

Humbled

Da Goddess @ 23:11

Autocorrect was invented so we’d be humbled at least once a day.

There’s no way to maintain an air of superiority when autocorrect sneaks in and messes with you. Whether it’s during an argument or serious or “intellectual” discussion, I’m telling you it’s impossible to see yourself as having the high ground when you notice the error and it’s too late to change it.

Humbled.

Every single time.

2019/03/10

Are We Really This Dependent On Tech?

Da Goddess @ 10:14

When I first got settled in to new place (settled does NOT equal unpacked, BTW), I discovered the microwave wasn’t 100% in top working order. The landlord ordered a new one for me. It was from Amazon. With an Alexa option.

Are we really at the point in our evolution that we require our basic small appliances to connect to the internet so we don’t have to figure out the optimal setting to reheat a dinner OR to pop some popcorn? I don’t think we are, but apparently some do.

I don’t have Alexa. I don’t WANT Alexa. I just want to be able to nuke my water so I can have some tea, or maybe I just want to cook my Hot Pocket. I don’t need Alexa for those tasks. I can tell you right now the optimal time needed to heat a cup of water is 2 1/2 minutes (though I always heat for 2mins 34secs because I’m weird). If I’m reheating food, well, a couple minutes works most of the time. If my food isn’t heated thoroughly, I zap it for another 30 seconds or longer. I don’t need Alexa to decide anything.

I’m not the only one who thinks Alexa is unnecessary to work a microwave:

From TechCrunch

Being able to say “Alexa” sometimes and other times not adds a bit of cognitive overhead to using the voice commands. Instead of making things easier, it complicates them.

Yes, using Alexa actually complicates warming food! Shouldn’t it be easier? I’m sure for a certain generation, this is easy peasy lemon squeezy. That generation would rather speak commands to a microwave, toaster, hair dryer, vacuum cleaner, or hell, even their vibrator, than to just use one. Do we want future generations to continue down this path? I vote NO. If we continue to rely on technology to the point where we no longer know how to do things on our own, we may as well tune out permanently.

It’s bad enough we rely on our phones for surfing the net, texting instead of calling people, diverting our attention from family or work so we can play a game or shop, or to get directions to places we go all the fucking time. C’mon, people! We have to keep our brains engaged or we’ll become little more than mush-headed idiots a la Idiocracy. And we really don’t want to be raising tech-savvy kids incapable of making a pb&j on their own without AI talking them through every step.

Alexa will never be a part of my home. Never. I can do shit on my own (except for changing bulbs in my ceiling fan or hanging curtains without a power screwdriver). But you know, it would be fabulous if I could change the time on the microwave on my own without having to look up how on the damn internet. Ugh.

2019/03/03

Three Days In

Da Goddess @ 00:07

I’m three days in on the SCS trial and I feel like crap. MY head hurts horribly. My neck is locked. My hands are numb and tingling. The bandage over the insertion site is itchy. I haven’t taken a shower yet because I don’t have anyone to tape up all the electrical doodads. I also haven’t filled my prescription for antibiotics yet because I’ve been sleeping sporadically and now it’s raining and I can’t get this stuff wet and I’m loathe to go out if I’ve not showered and I’d have to do either a cab or Uber and the idea of getting in or out of a vehicle makes me cringe so I’m freaking out about everything and I can’t stop my head from feeling like it’s going to explode.

Whew! Glad I got that off my chest.

But, seriously, I feel like crap. I forgot how long it took for the last trial to start feeling okay. I’m so stupid about remembering these details sometimes. Excuse me while I go cry in bed for a couple more days cuz I’m a big baby right now.

2019/02/20

Travel Day

Da Goddess @ 13:10

I feel like crap today, but I gots to be traveling to see the doctor. Uber to train to Uber. Doctor visit was quick, but I saw my favorite PA and got to thank him for getting me my spinal cord stimulator trial for my neck. Couldn’t come at a better time as my right neck, shoulder, and hand are extremely painful at the moment. My blood pressure was 148/100 at check in, which proves how much pain I’m in right now.

So, prescriptions obtained and sent to pharmacy, which they’ll mail meds to me soon.

Uber to train to Uber to home now. Strangely feeling proud to be able to do all this ony own. I feel awfully independent. Yay.

And that’s my day in a nutshell.

What are you up to today?

2019/02/14

Happy Valentine’s Day

Da Goddess @ 06:56

Wishing everyone a very happy Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re taken or single, you are deserving of all the love in the world!

P.S. Fletch sends his love as well.

2019/01/04

Moving Day

Da Goddess @ 20:56

In just about 12hrs, I’ll be loading up trucks with my little bit of furniture and clothing and heading south. My new home awaits and I’m excited/nervous about the whole thing.

I’m a bit worried about the cat. We had an emergency visit to the vet yesterday. He was lethargic and floppy, showing no interest in food, and just looking miserable. He perked up a bit as I was getting in the car, but then just settled in on my lap. Then he was super chill at the vet’s in the waiting room. Didn’t give a shit when barking dogs came in. He just stayed on his chair and looked at me with sad eyes.

When we finally saw the vet, he was less than happy. A thermometer up the old keister has never been his thing. Nor is someone trying to look into his mouth. Or when they put stuff in his ears. When they put stuff on his back? He’s not a fan. By the time they got around to jabbing his rear end with a needle, he’d definitely had enough.

Getting into the car to head home, he wrapped himself around my head. Belly completely covering my face and four sets of claws trying to hold on to the back of my skull.

He’s doing lots better today, but still having moments of blech-i-tude. So I have been cuddling with him as he wishes and pretty much watching him carefully in case he has any distress.

Which is why I’m nervous about the move with him. I’m worried it’ll be too stressful on his system. I’ll be watching him closely!

Other than that, I’m just excited about getting moved. Nervous, too. I keep thinking about the million things I still need to get. New bed. Groceries. Etc. Etc. I have a notebook with three pages of things I need, things I have to do. Address change, phone calls, transportation issues to solve, and more things I haven’t yet considered!

Nervous. Excited. Anxious. Thrilled. Trepidatious. Liberated. It’s enough to turn petrified dinosaur turds liquid.

And this is where we are tonight.

Back to packing and arranging my belongings. I find 30mins at a time is about all I can do. My breaks are spent with Fletch and TV.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

2018/12/28

Thanks, Dad!

Da Goddess @ 20:27

Apologies for not getting any music posted for Christmas, but I was busy with the busyness of life. It DOES happen, after all.

Christmas was low-key and absolutely wonderful. Both kids were here and it was wonderful to see them. LD actually drove up to get me and it was good to spend time with him.

A couple days ago, C and I finished up with the bits and bobs of the estate. With a little cash on hand, I began — in earnest — my search for a new place to live. Yesterday, I began to really dig in. I wasn’t finding much that was within my budget and actually put away the computer to sulk in peace. After ten minutes, I went back to refine my search. I said a prayer and also asked Dad to nudge the universe. Page two of the listings, I saw it. I saw what I’d been hoping to find. My only problem: I couldn’t get the email or contact options to work for me. I tried on a couple different browsers, on my phone, everything. So I just decided to wait until C or D woke up and I could ask to use their computer.

Now, I was supposed to head back north this morning with LD as my chauffeur, but I finally got to a computer that would allow me to get the contact info for the landlord. I texted, heard back rather promptly, and before you could say Bob’s your uncle, I had an appointment to view the property.

I fell in love with it immediately! It’s not 100% perfect, but the 5% that’s not perfect? I can deal with that.

Within 30 minutes I’d filled out the application and 15 minutes after that I had the place! Tomorrow morning I’ll go by to sign the lease.

Between God and Dad, I got exactly what I wanted and needed in record time. If not for Dad, I wouldn’t be able to make this happen. I hate that he’s not here to see things turning around for me, but I know he’s watching from above. Thanks, Dad!

2018/12/15

I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying…and, Yes, Okay, I’m Crying

Da Goddess @ 17:33

I had planned on my semi-regular 12 Days of Christmas music posts, but I ended up with more pain and such than I could handle, making me forget what day I should have started and which videos I was going to use. I’ll post something, just not 12 days of videos.

Twitter has been the easiest way to stay in touch with a few people and it’s easy to post occasionally, to keep a few brain cells functioning, to find some humor when I need it most. But there have also been a few tweets that made it difficult to keep the tears from flowing.

Harry Leslie Smith died November 28. I’d been following him for quite a while and was saddened to hear he was ill. At 95, I didn’t hold much hope for his recovery from pneumonia, especially after they went to chest and feeding tubes. As a nurse, I knew how bad it likely was. But, there was still a small bit of hope…a tiny flame that Harry would make it, that his son would be able to take his dad home and eventually get back on the road, visiting refugee camps, appearing at speaking engagements, and maybe finishing another book. I felt extremely invested because of my dad. I knew all too well the way Harry’s son, John’s heart was racing and breaking. I offered whatever words I thought could possibly help, though in that situation nothing ever really helps. And I went at the news that Harry had succumbed to his illness.

— * — I’m going to ask you now to Google Harry Leslie Smith so you can learn more about this man who went from sheer poverty to soldier to author to human rights advocate during his remarkable life. I cannot do just to his legacy here. Please Google him. Quick link to his Wikipedia page for those too stubborn to Google. I’ll wait here. — * —

You’re back! Okay. So, now you know a bit about the astounding man who didn’t let the last years of his life go slowly or easily. Harry chose to do something to help others. He spoke his mind and heart. What a beautiful way to live, right?

His son, John, is continuing to update Harry’s Twitter account and is planning to continue on with the work Harry was devoted to. He’ll be in San Diego soon and then Mexico so he can see for himself what’s happening with the refugees who’ve been held by our government for simply seeking asylum. What’s happening down there is a travesty and to know that John is following in his father’s footsteps is enough to make my heart burst. Vale, Harry Leslie Smith. And to John, best to you. I know how hard it is to keep looking ahead, but you are most definitely your father’s son and you are meant for a very purposeful life.

Now on to the next item that stopped me in my tracks, leaving me teary and red-eyed. This story about a friendship no one really saw coming and how one woman’s loss brought this friendship to light. For Lin Wang’s family, especially his daughter Shirley, I send my heartfelt condolences and I send my gratitude for sharing this story. There are always surprises in everyone’s lives, but there are some that really take one aback.

For everyone missing a loved one this season, I feel you. For me this is raw and unknown territory. Perhaps it is for you, too. I’m here. Leave a comment. Let’s talk.

2018/12/07

A Day Which Will Live In Infamy

Da Goddess @ 05:42

December 7, 1941 — “…a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.
The United States was at peace with that nation, and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific. Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our secretary of state a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.
Yesterday the Japanese government also launched as attack against Malaya.
Last night Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong.
Last night Japanese forces attacked Guam.
Last night Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands.
Last night Japanese forces attacked Wake Island.
And this morning the Japanese attacked Midway Island.
Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.
As commander in chief of the Army and Navy I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt

We’ll never forget.

2018/11/22

Happy Thanksgiving!

Da Goddess @ 08:55

Wishing each and every single one of you a very happy Thanksgiving! May you have blessings so numerous you lose count.

I’m so grateful to have made it through this rather trying year in one piece.

I’m grateful my sister has recovered from her stroke.

I’m grateful my mom is still with us.

I’m grateful for my beautiful children.

I’m grateful for my very sweet cat.

I’m grateful for my friends.

I’m grateful for my doctors.

I’m grateful I’m still alive.

I’m so grateful for so many things I can’t think of them all!

Happy Thanksgiving, my dear ones!

2018/11/08

Lost, But Nevertheless Clueless

Da Goddess @ 19:04

Still adjusting to some of the behind the scenes changes to the blog. The blogroll has completely disappeared. I have no idea where it went or how to get it back. In fact, I have no idea how to do many things related to the blog anymore. But I’m okay with being clueless, just as I’m okay with being lost in general.

Sometimes the best experiences come along when you have no idea where you are or how to do something or, better still, the both simultaneously. That’s pretty much where I reside these days.

The only thing I know for certain is I’m still kicking about. That’ll do for now.

2018/10/20

Blackout

Da Goddess @ 12:14

Sorry for the blackout. Demonic code was the culprit. It’s probably a good thing it happened when it did because I was in a dark place, too, and you’d have been subjected to RANTS.

Of the many causes for my personal darkness, the kavanaugh debacle was one of the worst. It triggered several very traumatic memories, most of which I’ve written about before. That this man now sits on the Supreme Court is heartbreaking for many thousands of sexual assault survivors. That there are elected officials — WOMEN — who helped make it happen makes me want to vomit, even weeks later.

The only regret I have about this unintentional blackout is not being able to celebrate Little Dude’s birthday on the blog. L.D. just turned 22. For those who’ve been here from the beginning, it’s kinda shocking, isn’t it? He was 6 when I started blogging. Actually, 5½, but still, he was YOUNG! Now he’s a grown man who owns a truck, works hard at a job he enjoys, and he’s even more than I could have ever hope for all those years ago when he first arrived. His kindness, generosity, intelligence, and humor are still intact and I’m 100% proud of who he is. I’m grateful to be able to declare him my favorite son.

As I go about trying to catch up with everything, I’ll work on posting some of the writing I was doing offline. And I’ll try to update you with what’s happening in my wretched existence. (It’s not all dark, I promise.)

Sending out hugs to all of you… except that guy in the corner. No hugs for him.

2018/09/12

The Quicker Picker Upper

Da Goddess @ 10:50

This song brings much joy to my life. I can, have, and will listen to it on repeat for hours.

2018/09/11

September 11 — 17 Years On

Da Goddess @ 02:30

This is from 2015, but I have been thinking about this particular post for the past week and there’s no better time to revisit it.

And can we just take a moment to reflect on the fact it’s been SEVENTEEN YEARS??! It seems much more recent.

_______________

When we think of this day, we often focus on the loss and the pain. It’s very natural for us to do so because it was a very painful time for our country. So many people lost so very much. But a lot of good has risen from the ashes of that dark day. Here’s a story from Bob Dotson:

He no longer put off anything that brought them joy. “If we’re lying on the floor and all of a sudden Victoria says, ‘Daddy, I want to go to the park,’ I’m like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to go to the park.’ That’s what I’m thinking, but I say, ‘Let’s go. We’re going to the park.’ ”

Robert shouted “Hang on, guys!” as the kids squealed with laughter. They were riding in a grocery cart, careening across the lot toward dad’s big SUV. “Why should I deprive my children from going shopping?” Robert said. “I see all the other mothers going shopping with their kids. Why can’t I do it?”

He raced alongside the grocery cart, jumped on its rear axle and pushed with a powerful leg. The children exploded with laughter again. “When my kids smile, the terrorists lose,” Robert said with a grin. “The people who killed Janet wanted to destroy our happy lives. They lost. We won.”

In his book American Story, Dotson also tells of a Newfoundland town that took in stranded passengers from several planes that were forced to land. It’s a beautiful story. The entire book is full of them. To say I recommend this book highly is an understatement. It’s what every American should read. Most particularly today. Go get yourself a copy and let each story remind you why America is so special, why we triumph even when faced with horrifying tragedy like September 11, 2001.

Today, while I remember the lives lost and those impacted by the the actions of hateful people, I will also remember the goodness and strength we found along the road to recovery. Neighbor helping neighbor. Children leading their parents. Strangers holding hands and offering whatever they could to ease another’s burdens. We have triumphed because that’s what America is all about.

Yes, I still remember and I still grieve, but I also see the promise of America through the veil of tears.

Always remember, and always hope.

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