“Who did you think you knew but didn’t?” Deb asks. Simple question, with a very complicated answer these days.
I thought I knew myself better. I thought I had a handle on everything. I thought I was feeling stronger. At the very least, I thought I’d found level ground. So color me surprised when, following a wonderful weekend full of laughter and smiles, I discovered that my “it doesn’t matter if I worry about it or not, it’s going to happen anyway and I plan to enjoy every moment while I can” attitude let me down. I feel a little weepy and I feel stupid for feeling weepy. The situation is what it is. I’ve straightened out all the details to make what needs to happen…happen. It’s all cool. But I’m stupidly sitting about and wiping tears away for naught.
Who else did I think I knew? Many of those closest to me. Many of those I’ve counted on and looked to for comfort, support, and understanding. Oh well. I can’t change anything or anyone except how I respond to things as they arise. I have, too. But yesterday has shaken my confidence in my ability to “maintain”. Sigh.
Today will be a day of shaking off the melancholia and digging in a bit deeper, finding new resolve. I will inhale. I will exhale. I will repeat that all day long. And I will hold my head up high knowing that I am moving forward without a “poor, poor pitiful me” sandwich board weighing me down. I’ve already taken care of business…now I must get BACK to the business of LIVING. And I shall.
Go check out Deb’s PROMPTuesday. I’ve not participated in a long time, but this hit me over the head in a big way and provided me the perfect opportunity to rearrange the tables at my pity party. Guess what? The party is OVER. Thanks, Deb!