Da Goddess

I’m still alive, but it feels like an uphill battle to remain so for the past week.

Last Tuesday, Mojo was in town and we had a date to go shopping. I had to delay our start a bit when I was informed that my new medication was being delivered. So, I waited, got my new med, took my first dose, and off we went. As far as shopping went, it was a mild affair (I got a food storage container, a phone charger cord, soup mix, & hair color).

Then we decided it was time to eat. I hadn’t eaten at all and Mo had eaten very little. To the Garden of Olives we went. Salad, a couple bread sticks, a little pasta, and dessert. We both felt better.

After arriving back at my place, she noticed my bookcase still in its box, unassembled, and next thing you know, my bookcase was built and awaiting books. Boy, do I have books! (Fletch had fun with it while his big sis built it and again after it was built. I’ve left one shelf mostly bare just for him.)

Sadly, that’s all the time I got with my girl while she was in town. It was also the last day I felt okay.

Since then, I’ve been swelling up and hurting like a son-of-a-bitch. By Friday, I couldn’t bend my knees because of the edema. By Saturday, my hands were starting to swell, one eye was blurring, and my chest hurt. Having been down this road before, I stopped my new med. I called the doctor’s office to see if they wanted me to go to the hospital or if I should just ride it out at home (my call wasn’t an emergency, but the was an urgency to it). It’s now almost the end of Monday and I still haven’t heard from anyone at the office. As much as I actually like the doc himself, I don’t care for his nurse practitioner (10 days ago, she had me sitting in her office crying because she was making me feel like I was in the wrong for not having a copy of my MRI report [their printer/burner was down] and for not knowing what I wanted her to do for me in the meantime. I told her she was the healthcare provider and I was coming to her for answers. Ugh.)

Since I stopped my med on Saturday, I’ve gotten rid of the chest pain, eye issue, upper extremity swelling, and the last of the swelling is confined to my lower legs and feet. My big, comfy, loose shoes are still too tight, but I can walk a bit and I can bend my knees again. This part always takes the longest to resolve. The other lasting side effect is the fatigue. I slept in. I did very little all day. And I found myself in bed at 22:30 tonight, typing away at this sob story of mine. I’m wiped out. I really don’t like this.

Needless to say — but I’m saying it anyway — I’m downright pissed at the doc’s office for not returning my call. I’m pissed with the way I was treated at my last appointment. And I think it’s time to find another doctor. (There are other issues with the NP, but I’ll spare you the details.)

My adjuster found another clinic that takes cases like mine and I’ve asked her to get me in to see someone there. Fingers crossed this works because I’m pretty much at the end of my emotional rope.

I really miss my former doctors from up north. They were always on my side, always fighting for me, always attuned to what I needed. I knew getting in with good docs down here would take time and patience, but I didn’t think the first go round would be as bad as this one is turning out to be.

I don’t ask for much. I really don’t. I just ask to be treated with respect, compassion, and not be left feeling alone and neglected.

Anyway, I’m still alive. I’m still fighting. I’m just a bit quieter than usual.

Hey, how about that game? (I didn’t watch. It was either that or the weather.)