No More Dying, Okay?

DaGoddess @ 23:12

I was just texting with a couple friends earlier today about the rules I have for them. Conditions of our friendship. As I once stated here on this very blog, the first rule is: No dying. Really simple.

Except that it’s not.

I just received word this evening that a friend of mine passed away. His family found him dead in his bed this morning.

He was the sort of man who you either got or you didn’t. He could be a gloomy Gus or very funny. You either got in good with him or you never understood where he was coming from. We’d sit and talk for hours. We got each other. He was the one who bought LD a practice amp when he won his electric guitar. He was the one who encouraged both LD and I to just play music, whether or not we were any good. And he was the one who often came to my rescue when I needed a ride somewhere.

And then we had a falling out.

I think he knew he was getting sick again. You see, he’d battled cancer for a long time about 20 years ago. It was the sort of cancer most people don’t recover from, especially when it was as widespread as his was and as far along as his was. But he didn’t die. He beat it. He didn’t die when it came back, either. And he beat it again. He didn’t even give in when it cost him his marriage. Cut to 18-20 years later, he was experiencing more and more frequent infections. His moods were dark and heavy and we eventually went our separate ways. Not because I didn’t care that he was ill, but because we both had our own shit to deal with and we were at the point where we were hurting each other. That’s not how either of us wanted to be. It was kinder to walk away.

I didn’t like that we got to that point, but when you’re there, you’re there. I never held against him any of the angry words he spoke or wrote. I don’t know if he carried around animosity toward me. I just wished him better health and happier days. That was about a year ago maybe.

And then the email arrived tonight. “I hate to report this, but Steve was found dead in his bed…” along with the news that his family doesn’t have the money to bury him. I don’t have much, but I will contribute a few dollars because, honestly, his family really didn’t have any money except the little he brought in with his disability/social security and the occasional union gig. He was the sole supporter for his parents and a brother and sometimes even his kids and grandkids. So, yeah, I’m sure I can find a way to help a little. I have to. He went out of his way to make sure LD and I were always recognized for our efforts with our blues group and beyond. And I want him to rest peacefully, you know?

I will miss you, Steve. I hope you find peace and the rest you deserve, as well as freedom from all the pain I know you’ve had over the years. May your heart be light, the path be easy, and may you be welcomed with open arms.

Now, no more dying all the rest of y’all, okay?


  1. Your experiences with your friend Steve sound very similar to those I had with my friend Doug, the one I did a two-part post about last year. I broke contact with him for many of the same reasons, and when I tried to check up on him years later to find out how he was doing I discovered he had died. His family was too cheap to give him even an obituary, let alone a proper funeral (they let a third party cremate him and scatter his ashes in the ocean), but a mutual friend of ours was kind enough to put up a memorial website for him.

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. :( My prayers of comfort to his friends of family, and that you be blessed with the memories of the good times and good things he did for you and your boy. :hug:

    Comment by diamond dave — 2010/07/31 @ 05:29

  2. Really a sad loss to his friends, but hopefully a blessed relief to him as he was obviously suffering and struggling to keep things going.

    Comment by The Gray Monk — 2010/07/31 @ 06:19

  3. We’ll see what we can do about that for you…
    And your story reminded me of Dave’s as I was reading along.

    Comment by patti — 2010/07/31 @ 06:34

  4. Thanks, everyone.


    Comment by DaGoddess — 2010/07/31 @ 14:01

  5. Oh,crap. Didn’t see this earlier today… I’m so sorry! Rest well, Steve. Sounds like you were a stand up guy and were very loved.


    Comment by Pam — 2010/08/01 @ 07:04

  6. :hug:

    Thanks, Pam!

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2010/08/01 @ 13:55

  7. Sorry to hear this. Especially after knowing someone for so long, they become like family in a way.

    Comment by Jan — 2010/08/04 @ 06:55

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