Sleepless in San Diego

DaGoddess @ 13:07

There was good news yesterday: my fusion is looking fantastic. The request for physical therapy has been made. I’ve also requested at least one day a week of pool therapy to provide me with a respite from the more difficult stuff. I can increase resistance in the pool and it’ll still be a nice break from the “land” therapy. I’m not banking on the insurance company being too helpful, but I’ll pray for a miracle nonetheless.

Now the bad news. First off, the doc says it’ll be about another six months before I’m 100%. Six more months of not being able to go out and get a real job. Six more months of no disability, no social security, no comp payments. Means I’ll have to hustle the photography gigs big time. Maybe pick up a couple more assistant jobs here and there, God willing. Six more months.

It’s happening again. I can’t sleep.

The very cute doctor gave me some Ambien to try yesterday, but by the time I remembered it, I was afraid it would be too late to take it. So, I remained awake and when I finally did fall asleep, it was only for an hour.

I’ve felt weepy all day. I just called LD’s dad and asked him if he could get LD so I could try to sleep. I hate that. I wanted to have my boy back here today. But nooooo. That’s not in the cards.

Why can’t I sleep? I cannot start this pattern over again like last week. I can’t spend this weekend sleeping almost non-stop.

Ambien is now on board. Not the ideal time, but really, what other choice do I have when I’m dizzy, falling down, dead dog tired? I have to do something.

Think it’s the six more months of no income weighing on me? Probably. Crap.

I’m sorry. I hate complaining about this here, but it’s my one outlet. I’m used to being independent. Having my own money. Being the boss of the applesauce. I want to be able to take care of myself. That’s what I do. What I’ve always done. I don’t like not having that control. It makes me cranky.

No matter how much I tell myself that healing will take as long as it takes, that I must be patient, it just doesn’t jibe with what life is calling for.

Frustration + exhaustion = no sleep again. That’s my theory.

I wonder how long it’ll take for the Ambien to kick in. I wonder if I’ll be one of those people who does weird stuff in their sleep on it. Will it work?

Wish me luck, I guess.

Gaaaah! I hate this. Drives me nuts.


  1. just no driving while sleeping! hide the keys or something. that is why i do the benadryl thing, i’m afraid of driving to the DQ for a blizzard in my sleep.

    Comment by patti — 2009/05/05 @ 13:10

  2. it’s getting bad. Last week? Fine. I could handle a few days of this. Slept it off all weekend. But again? AGAIN? Noooo!

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/05/05 @ 13:15

  3. I wondered how the doc visit went but didn’t want to pry… just praying you didn’t get caught in traffic!

    You’ll be 100% in 6 months? That’s amazing! That’s wonderful! That’s November… just in time for the holidays. I’m excited, but I’m not the one who has to live through the 6 months!

    Hope you can get some sleep today! :hug:

    Comment by Pam — 2009/05/05 @ 13:45

  4. Ambien did not work for me, but it certainly didn’t make me sleepwalk or do other weird things. It was the Lunesta that made me fall short of the bed and ram my shoulder through the wall. Notice I wasn’t asleep before or after, merely ‘drunk.’

    So don’t worry about Ambien. It’s good safe medicine. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work the first night, or does the first night and then doesn’t the second. Or works two days and takes one off. It does work for most people. And then you stop obsessing about sleeping [and the other things] and that’s what you _really_ need to do.

    BTW, the warm bath / warm shower trick before bedtime really works, too. Relaxed muscles and no ‘itchies’ :-) With those out of the way I could relax my mind a lot easier and that’s the foundation of my real problem.

    Only 6 months! And then Joanie in all her glory outshines a nova. That’s a much better subject to think about. Sleep with a smile…. :-)

    Comment by Lloyd — 2009/05/05 @ 21:35

  5. Ambien es muy bueno. I’m taking another dose.

    Thankfully I won’t be working on photos or trying to chat afterward. This stuff is wonderful.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/05/05 @ 21:47

  6. My Ambien advice would be to take it and get right into bed. It made me very dizzy and I felt very woozy when I got up to go the bathroom at 4 a.m. Much better is Clonazepam–it’s anti-anxiety and it makes you sleep. You don’t need to count on a full 8 hours either. Good luck!

    Comment by Jenn @ Juggling Life — 2009/05/05 @ 21:57

  7. I hope you get the relief you need. I know all too well what it’s like to be dead dog tired, but still not able to sleep. And the worst thing is when you finally finally fall asleep, and somebody snores or a neighbor slams a door, or a cat knocks something off the counter…and Bang! you’re awake again!

    Good luck with the Ambien. It sounds like it might do the trick.

    Comment by DogsDontPurr — 2009/05/05 @ 22:03

  8. Sounds crazy I know, but you probably need to take a walk in the sun for at least 20 minutes each day, that helps beat back the depressive side and then focus on the positive things happening. Easy on the drugs though, I found when I needed some years ago, that they usually create a bigger problem than they solve.

    Prayers are with you, take courage and trust that it will all work out. You’re doing a fantastic job so far, coping far better than a lot of others I know with this. Go for it. November isn’t that far away.

    Comment by The Gray Monk — 2009/05/06 @ 00:45

  9. Tell the landlord and the utilities companies that November isn’t all that far away. See if they buy into it.

    I am out walking. Doing things. I do a lot to get me tired, it just doesn’t knock me out adequately. Hence the Ambien. My second dose is kicking in and I’m ready to sleep. That’s a good thing.

    Good night.

    P.S. Did you see that I fixed my sidebar for you?

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/05/06 @ 00:58

  10. Ambien only works for a few hours with me. I sleep really hard for 2-3 hours then I’m WIDE awake for the same, then I crash. I think I do better just taking a nap sometime during the day. Not that that gives me tons of energy ever, but it gets me through in one piece. Barely…

    Comment by Jan — 2009/05/06 @ 10:37

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