Sucker Punch to the Gut
It was already over 100° in the shade before 11am. The forecast called for 110° at some point. My first thought was to call Dad and harangue him into going somewhere with adequate air conditioning. I had the phone in my hand, pulling up my directory before it hits me: he’s gone.
I sobbed.
Twice more throughout the morning, I reached for the phone to call. Both times I practically doubled over as if punched. It physically hurts to remember he’s gone.
Even as I type this, it hurts. Tears rolling down my face, I’m gutted.
I keep waiting for everything to stop hurting when I think of Dad. I don’t think it’s going to happen any time soon.
I miss you, Daddy.
P.S. it was 112°+ on the porch, in the shade at 1900. If I’d wanted temps like this, I’d’ve stayed in Vegas.
I’m so sorry.
Comment by pam — 2018/07/07 @ 15:27
Thank you, Pam. Some days are worse than others. Most of the time I’m okay, but there are those moments that crush me and I have to just let myself feel what I’m feeling, cry it out, and then get on with it. I know you’ve been there, too. Hugs.
Comment by Da Goddess — 2018/07/08 @ 06:43
I’m so sorry, Joanie. Late to the party (don’t hardly blog anymore), but started nosing around and found this. Read most of your previous posts regarding your Dad as well. Been twelve years since I lost mine, and still have that one part of me that keeps reaching out for him, only to realize over and over again that he’s not here. But then again, I sometimes feel he’s not so far away after all. Every so often my Pandora soundtrack will inexplicably change from whatever hard rock, grunge, or just plain obnoxious tunes it’s playing to John Denver’s “Take Me Home Country Roads” (remember, my family is native to West Virginia). That’s when I know he’s checking in to say hi. And I imagine your dad will do the same with you from time to time in his own way, just to let you know he’s doing fine on the other side and still looking out for you.
Hugs to you as a new member of the bittersweet I Miss My Dad Club. Let the good things about him live on through all you do.
Comment by diamond dave — 2018/07/12 @ 17:29
Thank you for these words, Dave. I hate being a member of this club, but I remain grateful for the friends amongst the membership and grateful to have had a dad who is so very missable.
There are many things that remind me of Dad, many things that make me feel he’s watching over me.
Again, thanks for this. Hugs!
Comment by Da Goddess — 2018/07/14 @ 09:23