Da Goddess

Campaign Reform

Next time around, I fully expect to see some real campaign reform.

In case the pols can't come up with a plan, I've developed one of my own.

Candidates will not be allowed to send out mailers. Nor will there be any ads on television. How will they get their message out? They will be given 30 unedited minutes each on TV. Political infomercials, if you will. They will only be allowed to speak about what they have done and will not be allowed to say a single word about the other candidate(s). About the future, they will present their plans, in writing. They cannot change their plans unless they've submitted them, again, in writing. Clear, detailed plans on their ideas for bringing the city, state, or country up to the standards we expect.

Following that, each candidate will be wired to the nth degree. Like the Truman Show, their every move will be recorded. 24/7. One station will be devoted to split-screen coverage of their actions. No editing.

There will be challenges a la Survivor, in which each candidate can demonstrate his or her leadership skills. Jeff Probst and Julie Chen will award points for creativity and ability in solving difficult tasks, like balancing their checkbooks or catching greased pigs in a mud pit - surrounded by Africanized killer bees.

In other rounds, the candidates will take part in challenges called "Trading Places." There will be the city refuse collection phase. Each man or woman will spend a day on the back of a garbage truck. There will be a day spent in a classroom, teaching a classroom full of oversugared remedial ADHD children, and dealing with their parents. The day spent as a nursing assistant in an inner-city hospital (lacking adequate funding) will present each candidate with a true test of their people skills. Each of these tasks tests the candidates' compassion, problem-solving abilities, and patience. Points will be awarded by the people most impacted by the actions of the political participants.

Signage - each candidate will be alloted 3 signs per square mile. No sign may be posted within 100 yards of any other election sign. The signs will be placed in the hands of local welfare recipients. They may not be paid a cent more than double current minimum wage and will be paid out of the candidates' own pocket. (In fact, no one working for any candidate will be allowed to earn more than double minimum wage.) Any signs posted outside of the candidates' district will be subject to fines up to $5,000. Paid out of the candidates' own pocket. Any sign left up 48 hours after the election will be subject to fines up to $10,000. Paid out of the candidates' own pocket. Signs must be disposed of properly. If they are not, another fine will be imposed upon the candidate in violation of this rule. These strict guidelines allow the voters to observe who has the greatest ability to abide by the rules, and who has the deepest pockets.

My final idea for campaign reform involves the families of the candidates. Since those running for office are completely monitored, so too will their spouses and offspring. The families will be subjected to challenges not unlike those of the candidates themselves. Each family will have to live as the "average" family in a diverse cross-section of America. East L.A., Detroit, San Ysidro, Appalachia, Little Cuba, Five Points in Denver, to name a few. The families must immerse themselves in the manner of living to which their host families are accustomed. If the candidates are not moved by the plight of their own family, we cannot expect them to be moved by the circumstances in which most of us live.

All money that would have been funneled into big campaigns will be applied to the city/state/national debt, Social Security, education, and Medicare, with a small portion forwarded to me for my thoughtful contribution to campaign reform.

One final thought, as we approach Decision 2004 - your vote, once cast, is democracy in action, regardless of the result.