October 06, 2004
The Unreported Debate
Little Dude: Mom, what foot should the red sock go on?
Me: Um, the one that's cold.
LD: No. Mo-o-o-m! That's not what I mean. I have a sock with a red "Hanes" on it and one with a green "Hanes." Which foot should the red go on?
Me: I don't think it matters, hon. Can you please just put your socks on so we can leave? (The Smashes were waiting.)
LD: You're not getting this, are you?
Me: Apparently not. What's the deal?
LD: Okay, look. I was thinking, the Left likes to hang out with communists, right? I mean, "correct?" So, if the Left is friends with communists and communists like the color red, I should wear the red sock on the left foot. Right?But, if I do that, the green sock would end up being on the right foot and that's not really too patriotic. I want the Right to be patriotic. I just don't want people to think that the Right is communist. I'm a Republican. I'm Right. I'm not a communist.
Me: Wow! That's a very interesting debate you have going there. But, don't you think that's a little much? We're talking about socks here. Be a Republican...great. But you're 8. I don't think your political affiliation is going to be an issue for a while.
LD: You're so not getting this! Grrr! Listen, it's really simple. If my shoes come off when I'm out walking around the zoo or something, I don't want people thinking I'm a communist. I want them to know that I think George Bush is a good president. I don't want people thinking I'm part of the crazy group.
Me: If your shoe falls off at the zoo, we'll be discussing your tying techniques. And listen, anyone who catches your debate over your socks might just think you're a little off anyway. Can you just put your socks on so we can leave? We need to be down there in 30 minutes.
LD: This is important, though! Don't you always tell me that I should be proud to be an American? Don't you always tell me that I shouldn't be afraid to support the candidate I think will do the best job of protecting us? Don't you...
Me: Ahem. Socks. Now. Please.
LD: Fine! I'll just tell people the red is on the right because it's part of our flag. I'll put the green on the left because the French have it on their flag. Grrrr.
Me: No, they don't. They use red, white, and blue, too.
LD: Aaaaaarrrrgh! Fine. Here's the deal. The green will stand for the Green Party. They tend to be on the Left, don't they?
Me: Yes. Now put on your socks.
Five minutes later -
LD: Can we go now? We're gonna be late!
I swear, this kid is going to be the death of me. And, this, my friends, is why my son is now officially part of the VRWC.
Posted by DaGoddess at October 6, 2004 11:21 AMOh, this is easy.
Which is the smallest word?
Left or Right?
Left.
Ok, which is the smallest word?
Red or Green?
Red
ok,ok, which is the smalest word?
Port or Starboard?
Port.
Well there you go, Left/Red/Port. - Right/Green/Starbaord.
Now he can decide which sock to wear and navigate a boat.
Posted by: Frank Martin at October 6, 2004 11:40 AMJ, get ready for the time he stops asking for Hot Oatmeal for breakfast and starts asking for Hot Rod.
Posted by: PCD at October 6, 2004 11:42 AMOf course, it could be argued that red on the right stands for "red-staters," and everyone knows you can make a right-on-red while driving (except in the City of New York)...
I'm laughing too much to think of anything else! :^p
Waitaminit! Is THIS what I've got to look forward to? (fly voice) heeeeelllp meeeee... (/fly voice)
Posted by: Michael at October 6, 2004 12:19 PMGoddess....
If you need a guardian if something happens to you (God forbid...), LD sounds like a kid I could work with! The kid's got style!
See you on the high ground!
MajorDad1984
Posted by: MajorDad1984 at October 6, 2004 12:25 PMAnd think.. he's not even a teenager yet!!
Posted by: LarryConley at October 6, 2004 12:40 PMInteresting... Frank it works except if you are coming into port and then it is... Red, Right Returning.
Michael, HA..... (evil laugh inserted here) Wait til His grandfather gets aholt of him. Its fixin' to be a' mess fer sure.
Seems the little tyke has learnt his lesson well. Gotta love him.
I'm sorry I missed that.
Or is this one of your "real-life fiction" posts?
Posted by: SMASH at October 6, 2004 02:51 PMNote to DG- the Old Bastard is referring to *my* little guy. 'Course he'd be willing to corrupt *any* child for a fee. Heck, for free, for that matter!
Posted by: Michael at October 6, 2004 03:15 PMRed goes on the left (port) side, just like boats and airplanes...
Posted by: mostly cajun at October 6, 2004 04:49 PMDear LD and Mom,
Around here, my 5 kids are only worried about getting 2 socks that sorta match. And making sure that they aren't pink. Oh, and wearing clean underwear, because when your Mama throws you in the Lion's den (because you drove her crazy), that will be very important.
Come out to NM sometime and I'll show you some things you've never seen. Love to you both, Kitty
Red on the left, green on the right for running lights. Socks, too, I'd argue.
The "red, right, returning" is to remember the color of the buoys lining the channel, and the buoys on the other side are black, not green ("Even red nuns have odd black cans").
Posted by: wheels at October 6, 2004 07:59 PMSmash, this is the real life conversation I hinted at while we were at the zoo on Saturday.
Posted by: Da Goddess at October 6, 2004 08:09 PMSpence is one deep thinker. I mean, JEEZE!
Posted by: gw at October 8, 2004 11:25 PMMmmm-mmm, I love the smell of brainwashing in the morning!
Posted by: scheiss at October 11, 2004 11:13 PMScheiss, you may think my son's been brainwashed but you have it very wrong. He's exposed to many views and he picks the ones that fit with what he thinks are right himself.
Much of my family sit somewhat or to the middle left. He spends a lot of time with them. He listens to all the discussion and decides for himself.
I think that's pretty damned impressive for an 8 yr. old.
Posted by: Da Goddess at October 12, 2004 01:45 AM