Snow No!

Da Goddess @ 15:32

Mojo is experiencing her first autumn in Alaska and she’s learning how to deal with snow. Her text the other night went something like this:

I spun out a few times and thought I was going to roll the car a couple times. I was only going 30mph. It’s scary.

I told her to slow down. Whatever she thinks is a safe speed, she should reduce by at least 5mph.

I remember my early days of driving in snow while living in Colorado. I’m sure I pissed off a lot of my fellow drivers by going as slow as I did, but I was determined not to have an accident! I did well. I managed to avoid all the dangers of snow and ice… until I had Mojo.

There was the day I’d just dropped her off at day care when I slid through an intersection, up into a driveway, and bumped into a parked car. No damage to either vehicle, but plenty of damage to my nerves. And then there was the morning I was driving her to the hospital for surgery. She was having tubes placed in her ears. We were on the freeway and a small patch of black ice caused the car to slide right into the back end of another car. Thankfully the was no damage to either auto, but I felt so horrible knowing how much worse it could have been for us. The very idea that Mojo could have been injured was enough for me to start thinking about moving back to California.

Hmm ow my baby girl is all grown up and facing snow and ice on her own. I don’t think I like that! But there’s nothing I can do other than pray for her safety and tell her to slow down.

Parenthood ain’t for sissies.


He’s 19

Da Goddess @ 15:01

Little Dude is 19 now. One-nine. How on earth is this possible? Didn’t I just give birth to this kid?

All I know is he’s the kind of kid any parent would be proud to have. He’s kind, thoughtful, sweet, smart, creative, and funny. I think he was destined to be a gentle soul. I totally won the kid lottery with him.

So much of his life is still ahead of him and I’m looking forward to seeing what comes next.


Vanity, Thy Name Is Fletch

Da Goddess @ 02:35

My darling boy, you are one of the silliest cats I’ve ever known. You are also one of the clumsiest cats I’ve ever known. And yet, you are also one of the vainest cats I’ve ever known.

Fletch doesn’t do it often, but when he does, he does it for hours. Doing what, you ask? Examining himself in the mirror. He’s prone to sitting in front of the mirror for long periods of time. Adjusting his position, this way and that. Stretching his neck. Moving his tail. Turning his body. Practicing poses. He’s like a teenage girl prentending to be a model. When he finds the one pose he prefers for the session, he gives himself a good long look in the mirror, blinks, good long look again, slightly turns, adjusts the pose to get it right, looks at himself in the mirror again, and then when he gets it exactly right, he stares. Stares. And then he stares some more.

I stand off to the side and watch him do this. I try to get his attention in every conceivable way, but he just wants to gaze upon himself. His very lovely self. Not even the promise of food can lure him away when he’s in one of his vanity trances. One of these days, I’ll record him doing this and post it online. One of these days. We’ll see how that works for me.


September 11 – 14 Years Later

Da Goddess @ 03:46

When we think of this day, we often focus on the loss and the pain. It’s very natural for us to do so because it was a very painful time for our country. So many people lost so very much. But a lot of good has risen from the ashes of that dark day. Here’s a story from Bob Dotson:

He no longer put off anything that brought them joy. “If we’re lying on the floor and all of a sudden Victoria says, ‘Daddy, I want to go to the park,’ I’m like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to go to the park.’ That’s what I’m thinking, but I say, ‘Let’s go. We’re going to the park.’ ”

Robert shouted “Hang on, guys!” as the kids squealed with laughter. They were riding in a grocery cart, careening across the lot toward dad’s big SUV. “Why should I deprive my children from going shopping?” Robert said. “I see all the other mothers going shopping with their kids. Why can’t I do it?”

He raced alongside the grocery cart, jumped on its rear axle and pushed with a powerful leg. The children exploded with laughter again. “When my kids smile, the terrorists lose,” Robert said with a grin. “The people who killed Janet wanted to destroy our happy lives. They lost. We won.”

In his book American Story, Dotson also tells of a Newfoundland town that took in stranded passengers from several planes that were forced to land. It’s a beautiful story. The entire book is full of them. To say I recommend this book highly is an understatement. It’s what every American should read. Most particularly today. Go get yourself a copy and let each story remind you why America is so special, why we triumph even when faced with horrifying tragedy like September 11, 2001.

Today, while I remember the lives lost and those impacted by the the actions of hateful people, I will also remember the goodness and strength we found along the road to recovery. Neighbor helping neighbor. Children leading their parents. Strangers holding hands and offering whatever they could to ease another’s burdens. We have triumphed because that’s what America is all about.

Yes, I still remember and I still grieve, but I also see the promise of America through the veil of tears.

Always remember, and always hope.


Another Star in the Heavens

Da Goddess @ 03:07

Sunday morning began with a phone call I couldn’t have anticipated in a hundred years. My friend Becca had just died. Becca. BECCA! No way! No. Just. NO!

Her boyfriend told me she’d been admitted to the hospital on Friday with a(nother?) broken leg. Or perhaps her previous break had problems. He saw her on Saturday. Sunday morning, her aunt calls to say she died. How does this happen? Why?

I have four sent texts saved on my phone. One was to her and her son after faire this past spring. It read #pickle. If you knew her son, you’d be laughing your ass off right now. He’s a special young man. Aspergers. Just becoming a teen. And now his rock, his only light is gone. I’m crying for him, his loss, and the fact that his mom is gone from us. Each and every time I think of B, I cry because everything she did she did for him.

All of us are stunned by this news. It’s not right. It’s…it’s so wrong in so many ways.

This makes two friends I’ve lost this summer. Both amazing women. Both some of the most incredible spirits I’ve ever encountered. Our little corner at faire is now going to be their corner. Forever their corner.

Becca, my friend, please know we’re missing you and we’ll do whatever we can to help your boy. We love you!


The Gentle Goodbye

Da Goddess @ 02:08

International Cat Day model Celia

This is going to be a rather quiet and somewhat sad weekend for us. Come Monday morning, we’ll be taking Celia in to the vet’s to be euthanized. She’s been so sick these past few months and her treatments don’t last as long and are becoming more difficult to give her. So it was decided yesterday afternoon that the kindest thing we could do would be to let her just fall asleep and never wake up again. We’ll cry (I already have — several times) and we’ll say our goodbyes and be there as she goes.

The vet had listed a few options of treatment, all costly, of course, but none of the courses of treatment were guaranteed to help her at all, or to help her long term, or to even heal her. If we were rich, sure we might consider some of the options, but eventually we would have to make the tough decision and do what was, ultimately, the best thing for HER.

I think she knows what’s up. She’s come out of deep hiding and is in visible seclusion instead. She’s no longer flinching when I approach her because she, again, seems to know we’re not going to bother her with meds any further. All I want for her is to come out, spend time where’s she’s most comfortable, and be her lovely self as we prepare ourselves emotionally.

Celia is our gorgeous, furry princess. After she got over her initial shyness and distrust, she became very loving and exceedingly insistent we pet her. It was funny. Whatever it took to get us to bend to her will, well, she was willing to do it. And so were we. On the rare days when she was in play mode, Celia was hysterical. She’d chase and leap and skitter across the floor, she’d meow and make a big deal out of it. And then, five minutes later, she’d be done. Most fun was watching her play with Fletch. They were funny as hell together! Fletch loved it and he was always sad when she’d end the game sooner than he wanted.

There will never be another cat as beautiful as Celia. There will never be another cat as unique as she is. We’re going to miss our Baby Girl.


Hot… and… Muggy

Da Goddess @ 23:51

Hot and muggy trending high in this part of the coutry. We are not fans. Not in the least.

As far as my meds go, I’m settling in with the higher dose of Oxycontin and having no real problems with the Baclofen. Well, I’m a bit sleepy on all of this, but that’s to be expected. I have noticed, however, that I tend to kind of fall out in the middle of typing or watching television. If l begin to drift off here, you’ll likely see random letters appear in no particular order. kkkkdddddddoooosssssssds]sssssssss yeah, kind of like that. I don’t even know it’s happening until I snap to and feel the heaviness ooi in my fingers and have to fight to get them to let upllllllllllllllllkkkkkkkkkkkklllll laasddddddddddddddddd

It’s kind of an odd sensation: that total disconnect with all the rest of the world at the drop of a hat. It’s very disconcerting, to say the least. I sort of nod off during conversations, watching TV, trying to type or play a game. Sometimes I’m just llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll do that. I do a lot of backtracking with the TV. And convos. If you saw how many times I’ve had to backspace this post alone, you’d be amazed.

Well, I’m going to lie down and hope I get some sleep. The sleep I’ve had since starting the Baclofen is working out well. I still wake up with numbness and tingling extremities and pain, but the sleep has been significantly more restful than I’ve had in ages. I”ll take it!

Oh, one more thing (I’ve turned into Columbo all of a sudden): My mom just turned 80 this weekend. Have a slug of some beverage of your choosing in her honor, please. We’re going to keep celebrating each and every event with my parents now that they’re both octogenarians.

Okay, now I’m really going to lie down, listen to the rain, and fall asleep.



Da Goddess @ 02:00

God bless my doctors for working so hard to get me back up on my feet and reduce my pain to a level that doesn’t require increasing my pain med dosage to something that should knock me out cold for a week (on JUST ONE PILL). I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately out of sheer frustration and because of the pain. Something has to happen soon to reduce my pain to a much more manageable level. Yesterday, the doc read me his last visit report and told me exactly what he was going to say in the next one. If his drastic demands are denied this time, I’m afraid I might make like a volcano and erupt. Violently. And I’ll ground all air traffic within a thousand miles from the debris. Granted, it’ll likely only be my blood and guts and such, but still…

Current meds:

Oxyconxxx 30mg twice a day
Oxycodxxx 10/325mg every 6hrs as needed
Baclxxxx 10mg three times a day
Cymbxxxx 60mg once, at bedtime
Amxxxx 10mg at bedtime
Enough Colace to ease a plugged up elephant’s bowels but, apparently, not enough for me

Had to drop Flexexxx because I’ve blown up like a doughy balloon while taking it. Not fun. And, of course, when I went to the drugstore to fill new scripts I thought I’d grab a diuretic to help rid myself of the extra fluid that’s caused my lower half to resemble a whole lot of sausage. They didn’t have it. They don’t carry it. They used to, but they no longer feel it’s something they feel good having in the store. They sell liquor and smokes, but they won’t carry OTC diuretics. Go fucking figure.

On top of all this, it’s been hot and muggy. I mean HOT AND MUGGY! HOT AND MUGGY!

Mama ain’t havin’ fun.


Happy Independence Day!

Da Goddess @ 13:39

Freedom is not just another word for nothin’ left to lose. It’s a dream, and a dream worth fighting for. And 239 years ago, it was proclaimed to be worth the risk by brave men who proudly signed their names upon a piece of paper we call the Declaration of Independence. They risked life and limb to give us the freedom we all too often take for granted.

I wish you all a wonderful day, however you choose to spend it!


No More Calls, Please

Da Goddess @ 21:29

Several days ago I got a call. It was a call I did not want to receive. And yet, it happened anyway.

My friend, JBJ, passed away. She’d been battling cancer for a long while, but it was the kind of cancer that could be treated and conquered. Then, it wasn’t. The doctors had found caner in her lungs. The terminal kind. She wasn’t home long after that diagnosis before she lost her fight.

It hurts. It hurts me to think of the pain she was in, the hopes she had, the children she loved so much, and how much her presence will be missed in the community at large. She was one of those people. You know, the kind who light up a room the minute they walk in. The kind who make you feel you are the luckiest person in the world to know them. The kind who give so generously of themselves and make the world a better place.

And now we must go on without her.

JBJ, we miss you. We promise to never let your boys flounder in your absence. We promise to be the kind of people you always believed us to be. And we will always hold you in hearts with love and respect. Rest well. You deserve it, honey.


Just Rollin’ Along

Da Goddess @ 00:18

Celia’s doing so much better these days, but her recovery has led to another, unanticipated problem: she’s begging for food ALL. THE. TIME. Walking into the kitchen to get some water? She’s there, begging, “feeeed me! Feeeeeeeed me!” Walking by the kitchen? “Feeeeeed me! FEEEEEED MEEEE!” Five minutes after she’s finished eating? “Feeeeeeed me, Seymour! FEED! ME! NOW!” It’s become almost comical. Except it gets very loud at times. On the other hand, it’s a greater alternative to her not eating and slowly dying. So, all things considered, it’s a good thing.

My mom’s doing very since her T.I.A.s. She left the rehab center just a few days after she got there and has since been told she’s fine and needs no further follow-up as far as occupational or physical therapy. YAY! It’s so nice to get good news for a change, you know?

Sadly, my dad is having a rough go of it lately. He just lost a close friend to that fucking bastard cancer. He was younger than my dad and that has made it even worse. This comes on the heels of him losing another friend quite recently. It’s been a lot for Dad to deal with. I understand how tough it is for him to see his circle of friends grow smaller. Suddenly, the people who know and understand you are no longer there. Where does that leave you? I hate to think of him being so lonely. I hate to think of anyone being that lonely.

Mojo and her husband are doing well up in Alaska. They went to interview cats over the weekend as their darling little trouble maker needs a friend. No word yet on the outcome.

Spent Father’s Day with King Arthur’s family down in San Clemente. It was so much cooler down there than it has been up where we live. Reminded me of when I used to live there back in the day and reminded me of why I love the beach so much. KA’s family is a truly lovely clan. I really enjoy spending time with them.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Father’s Day and head into yet another work week with a light heart and kindness for those around you.


We’re All in Recovery Now

Da Goddess @ 02:54

It’s been a fairly shitty couple of weeks around here.

We said goodbye to my darling Mojo and have been dealing with her absence, fretting about the drive. She arrived in Alaska safely and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

I ended up in the emergency department twice in one day for my back. Spent much of the next six days fighting back tears because I hurt so damn bad 24/7.I’m only now getting to a semi-comfortable place.

Then I get word that a friend’s cancer has spread and gone from survivable to inoperable and terminal. That was after finding out two other friends are battling cancer, too. It’s heavy on the heart, y’know?

Celia had to be rushed to the vet on Thursday as she had stopped eating, drinking, using the litterbox, and went into hiding. Her ears had bubbled up, as had part of her nose and a paw. Luckily, we found a new vet who said it was likely a food allergy, treated her with steroids and antibiotics (secondary infection from open wounds), and sent her home with us. Once home, we closed off the rest of the house so we could get to her and, lo and behold! She ate. And she started acting like our little princess again.

Of course, all that was manageable…and then I get The Call. My sister called to say my mom was in the hospital after having what they thought was a stroke. Now they say it was likely a T.I.A. or two. Her left arm, hand, leg, and foot are weak and she’s complaining that there’s some weakness on the right as well. At this point, I simply lifted my eyes to the heavens and begged for all her pain and infirmaty to become mine. I don’t care that she’s 80! My mom deserves better.

And now here I sit…praying like there’s no tomorrow.

If there’s another shoe or two? No, thanks. I have plenty. Besides, my feet have been swelling.


13 & 49

Da Goddess @ 22:42

So, the 16th marked my 13th year of blogging and it was followed by my 49th birthday. I survived both with my usual “ehness”.

Mixed in with that was a party for my Mojo who left Monday for the wilds of Fairbanks, Alaska. Yep, my little girl is off to join her husband at his current post. It’s both wonderful and sad; bittersweet. Which is also how I feel about everything else.

While blogging has mostly been a joy, there have some very sad times. The loss of friends like Rob, Mikey, and Scott has left a major void in the blogosphere. Thankfully, there are still many amazing friends out there and I’d hate to start naming them and miss anyone. Let’s just say y’all know who you are and I am so very grateful you’re a part of my life.

As for being 49, there are times I consider it a freakin’ miracle I’ve made it this far. When I was younger, I certainly did my best to push the limits and short my chances of having a long life. All that changed when Mojo came along. Kids’ll do that. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now, those of you who’ve stuck around this long, THANK YOU! And those who’ve decided I’m not their cup of tea, well, I’m pretty sure we’re both better off because of it.

Here’s to making it to Years 14 & 50! Hope you’ll be there when the time comes.


Happy Mother’s Day 2015

Da Goddess @ 20:31

Here’s to all who take care of those around them!

Happy Mother’s Day!


Picture This

Da Goddess @ 23:51

“Picture this: Sicily, 1934…” oh how I miss Sophia Petrillo!

Anyhow, imagine a nice, normal day at ren faire. Enjoying the weather and the people, the music and the madness. Then pictue Peasant Bowling. Yep! We had Peasants lined up as the pins. It was the goofiest thing I have ever seen and…done. it was a lot of fun. I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to see it again so I can bring my camera. I only wish I had video capability on the cam so you could all enjoy the thrill of it all.

Survived the day and did my best to keep the back in line. Exhausted now and I am heading to bed. Perhaps sleep will find me. Perhaps I will dream about the new royal baby, Princess Petunia Periwinkle Perth Amboy. She’s absolute perfection.

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