Da Goddess

(Not) Wooing Da Goddess

Gentlemen, if you want to woo me it would behoove you to take a gander at how not to approach me.

The following is a real conversation. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Now, before you ask me why I even bother to respond to instant messages from this guy, you must know that I occasionally like a really good belly laugh.

** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ ** ~ **

Some people just don't get it. They don't learn from their past.

He From The Past: Hi I missed you. Wanna fuck?

Me: No thanks.

HFTP: well...i'd like to work something out..

Me: oh....yeah? Like what? (Sorry, just had to find out how lame this was going to be)

HFTP: yeah...you're not in the mood...so no biggie

Me: see here's the thing...I've turned you down a million times. Because I'm pretty much all about the relationship developing first and then getting into the hot and heavy sex. You know, the kind you have after I've dated someone for a bit...or at least even once. I think that's reasonable. Basically the same message I've given you all along.

HFTP: then no thanks...cause that's an integral part for me

Me: well, dating's integral for me

HFTP: i'm sure it is..

Me: I want to be wooed. You're not wooing me, are you?

HFTP: and i don't mind that either...but...get my attention...and we'll talk.

Me: I think you have it backwards - and that's not wooing.

HFTP: nope..

Me: You need to get my attention. This isn't doing it.

HFTP: it's called if you don't fuck me...some one else will.. so if you wanna keep me..you gotta keep me satisfied..

Me: but, I don't want you. To keep or otherwise. And, if I wanted to keep someone satisfied, I'd certainly choose a man I'm actively dating. I don't have a problem satisfying someone I care about. It's hard to care about someone you don't spend time with.

HFTP: i know you don't have a problem with that..and i'm not saying you do.. but...good luck with that date thing...let me know if you wanna get together... play...and we can date..

Me: gee, thanks, I'll keep that very generous offer in mind if I'm ever desperate and get the urge to merge...just for the hell of it.

HFTP: like i said i'd like more..but you gotta play on my terms.

Me: riiiiight. If you'd like more...it'd seem to me that you'd want to play it on my terms. So, my guess is, this isn't anything more than a sad attempt at a booty call.

HFTP: i'll find it elsewhere.. where i don't need to go on a date..i'd like more...but you gotta play first...not willing to take the chance...no prob.

Me: seems to me it's a sellers market...not a buyer's

HFTP: either way..

Me: not either way. You want what I have and that makes what I have all the more precious. Right? I'm not the one sounding desperate for action. It's a booty call.

HFTP: i'm telling you how to keep me interested..and get my interest..not willing? no problem...take care

Me: But, I'm not interested! In all this time - the last year or so, I've been in a relationship and you've been begging to get laid. Seems to me that you're the one with a shortage, so to speak.

HFTP: cause i like variety...i have plenty of partners...lol so no shortage..that's why i'm saying....let's get it on..or i'll get it on elsewhere..

Me: and you're wasting time online with me because.......??? Honey, go get it elsewhere! By all means...cuz you ain't gettin' it here.

HFTP: on the phone right now....lol...bye!

God bless the man. He didn't get it a year ago...and he's still not getting it now. In more ways than one.

Posted by DaGoddess at March 15, 2004 02:37 AM