March 05, 2004
Humor Me
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the cash register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Posted by DaGoddess at March 5, 2004 12:05 AMOldie but a goodie.
Just like the one about the guy about to marry. He goes over for dinner with the folks. They're out of ice, so the fiancee and her Dad go out to get some more. The Mum is an absolute hottie, and as soon as the others are gone, she starts woo-ing the guy. After much flirting she finally tells him that she's going up to her bedroom and if you wants her he should follow. Hearing this, the guy races outside to his car. He turns around and sees the Mum, Dad and fiancee all standing there beaming. "This was one final test of your fidelty and love and you passed with flying colours" said the Dad.
Moral: always keep your condoms in the car.
Posted by: Simon at March 5, 2004 12:37 AMI've GOT to get a printer!!
Posted by: loiq at March 5, 2004 01:09 AMA man walks into a bread store and sees this remarkable beauty of a girl at the counter. A bit flustered, he asks from some raisin bread. The girl smiles, turns around and climbs up a utility ladder to reach that variety of bread which is on the top-most shelf.
Meanwhile, the man below can easily look up her micro-mini skirt and sees she not only isn't wearing panties, but is shaved almost bare.
He stutteringly pays for the bread and heads out. As he reaches the door, another man is walking in.
"Hey buddy; Ask for raisin bread... Trust me..."
The next man, a bit puzzled asks for the raisin bread and is treated to the same awe inspiring sight.
As he leaves, another man is coming in. He too advises the next patron to ask for raisin bread, which he does. While the woman is on the ladder and older gentleman walks in, looks up and stares slack-jawed at the picture perfect pouting pudenda.
The woman looks down, sees the old man, and says, "I suppose yours is raisin too."
The elderly man smiles a little and says, "No, but it's twitchin' a little."
Posted by: Thomas at March 5, 2004 07:27 AMA man comes home from work to find his wife crying on the couch. Inconsolable at first, she finally tells him what's wrong.
"I went to the shoe store today, and while I was being helped by a new clerk, he lifted my leg and saw my nude vagina and said, 'I'd love to fill that with ice cream and eat it all out.' I was humiliated and left. I want you to go there and beat the crap out of him."
The husband thought for a bit, then had a sour look on his face as he replied.
"Listen here; First of all, you have shoes you've never worn. You don't need to go buying more useless shoes. Second, only a tramp goes out in a skirt and no panties. Third, any son-of-a-bitch that can eat THAT much ice cream, I don't want to fuck with."
Posted by: Thomas at March 5, 2004 07:31 AMA woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner and facing the wall crying.
She asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” He replied: “Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16?”
“Remember,” he said, “I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years.”
Baffled, she said, “Yes.”
The husband bawled, “I would have gotten out of prison today.”
Posted by: Alex at March 5, 2004 01:09 PMnothing but laughter here!
Posted by: shelley at March 5, 2004 06:14 PMThat's a classic!!
Posted by: Dawn at March 6, 2004 04:20 AM