Da Goddess

Tender Mercies

Appearing here and soon to be found at Cat Mumbles

Disclaimer: I do not speak for all women, only a small sampling of them. And, due to the mature nature of this post, I don't recommend reading this at work. People will think you're fucking nuts!

While the CatDude thinks he has a lock on what it takes to make wimmen melt under his ministrations, I have found that one of his methods is more irritating than enjoyable.

Gentleman, from this woman's experience, let us discuss the art of making a pussy purr. Call it going down, eating pussy, muff diving. cunnilingus, carpet munching, oral sex, or anything else you want. Whatever you call it, it can be a beautiful thing.

When it comes to oral sex, there is a fine line between what makes a woman feel good and what kills the moment entirely. For me, cough drops do not figure in the equation at all. (More on that in a minute.) That said, it's a personal preference. And, each woman will let you know what she finds enjoyable - if you're willing to listen.

Not all woman enjoy having a man go down on her. Why? I don't know. Perhaps they feel it's dirty down there. Or, maybe it's past experience. One or two inept men in a woman's past can turn a woman off of anything!

It has been my experience that the majority of men cannot use a finger or two on a woman's clit the way the woman herself can. If you're going to be engaging in any activity down there, I want tongue, dammit! I got fingers of my own and know how to use them. Fingers inside of me, however, are a different story and I'll elaborate on that later.

So, you're face to er...uh...pussy. Okay. Now what? Gently spread the woman open. Do not roughly grab the labia and make like you're pulling taffy. Ouch! And, NO. GENTLY spread her open and take a tentative lick. Do not act like a puppy dog and use your entire tongue! The tip. Just the tip, please.

Experiment with pressure and motion. If the woman is not giving you any help, i.e., moaning or grinding into your face, ask her. Ask her if it feels good. Any woman interested in having an orgasm should be willing to help guide you. Maybe she's not going to come right out and tell you "lick my clit harder, bad boy!" But you can encourage her to say "yes" when it feels right.

Some women have told me that they like gentle blowing on their nether regions. Okay. If that's what they like, try it. Don't blow like you're attempting to extinguish the eternal flame atop Mt. Olympus....just a little puff of air to cool and soothe the area. In between licks, of course.

This is where CatDude says he likes to use cough drops. Let me tell you something. According to the adventurous women I surveyed, 14/15 stated (emphatically!) that they have tried some sort of lozenge/cough drop/mint or something and found that it caused a most unpleasant irritation in that region. The other one...she said she tried it, wasn't irritated...but was simply unimpressed (although it did leave her husband's mouth minty fresh afterward.) For me, I prefer not to have cough drops, Lifesavers (wint-o-green, pep-o-mint, cherry, or butter rum), Tic Tacs, Sucrets, Starlight mints, serrano peppers (we'd been making chili and the residue lingers even after numerous washings), Big Red gum, Colgate/Crest/Aim/Gleem toothpaste, candy canes, Mentos, Altoids (curiously strong is curiously painful here), Certs (retsin is retsin and doesn't need to say hello to my kitty!), ZOX, Ice Breakers, Breath Savers, Cinnaburst gum, Dentyne, Dentyne Ice, Listerine, Freedent, Trident (four out of five dentists don't even use this on their wives), Starbucks After Coffee Mints, Eclipse, those little flavored dissolving strips, Red Hots, LemonHeads, lemon drops, Circus Peanuts, or any other confection come in contact with my precious flower. Nor should there be application of Vick's Vapo-Rub, Icy Hot, Ben Gay (unless he's really hot!), or other liniments to this particular region. Okay? You may want to clear it with your woman first before you try getting any one of those (or anything else) on or near her pleasure palace.

Now, you should be licking away with the tip of your tongue. Up and down, swirling, darting...whatever she indicates is most pleasurable. Here's the most important part of this lesson: once a woman says "Oh! That's it! YES!" .....keep doing that very same thing! DO NOT STOP. When a man stops doing that, it breaks the spell. Once you dive back in you're, in effect, starting all over again.

With the wonderful sensations you're creating for that little man in the canoe there, you may want to try inserting a finger into the woman. STOP! Don't jam it in there! Slide it in. Unless she tells you otherwise, of course. Maybe she'll like two or three fingers inside her. I don't know. You'll need to ask. Again, she needs to be the trail guide and you need to be the cooperative camper, okay?

By now you should have a steady rhythm going and a happy woman on your hands. Once you get to this point, it's imperative that you continue doing whatever it is that's making your lady breath faster. Remember when I told you that stopping breaks the spell? I meant it! If it means you have to endure a cramping tongue and mouth, you should be willing to do so. For the sake of your woman's pleasure. Yes, you should. Don't argue with me.

Yes. That's it! Right there.

Good.

Those fingers inside her? Remember those? Some women like them moving in and out. Some like the sensation they produce just by their presence.

Whichever it is, you'll have to take your cue from the lady in question and just keep on keepin' on, okay?

There are women who will tell you as they are approaching their orgasm. Others will not indicate anything at all. They'll just come right out and scream, whimper, cry, pull your hair, clamp those pussy muscles or thighs, pull your head closer....whatever. The point is, if you've given your woman an orgasm, let her do whatever it is that she does and be satisfied with that smile you brought to her face. She'll be purring for quite awhile afterward and that's what you meant to do in the first place, right? Now, go be a good boy and cuddle.

Posted by DaGoddess at January 16, 2004 12:14 PM