Da Goddess

I used to say that one of the planets was "penis" and said it quite often, much to the regret of astronomers, and family members, everywhere.

I love it!

I was 8, and had heard my fair share of "dirty words", but didn't always understand what they meant. I knew that when you blow something/someone off, you ignored it/them ("Didn't you have a meeting?" "Yeah, but I blew it off to come home early") so in my tender young mind, I thought the term "giving a blow job" meant the same thing.

So after I ditched my friend Patrick for being annoying, and my parents asked me where he was, they were horrified by my response of "Oh, I gave him a blow job."

Needless to say, 15 uncomfortable minutes of the Birds and the Bees later, I knew of my mistake.

One time I was trying to impress my mom with my intelligence after a few questions she asked me how did I know so much. I replied with a big smile "Carnal Knowledge baby, Carnal knowledge" After a few minutes of silence she asked me where did I learn that phrase. I told here I read it in a comic. I then spent the afternoon looking through comics to prove to her that I did read it there. (In all actuality I read it in an adult novel.)

Good God, what a raw nerve! My older brother told me to say, at an appropriate moment, "Speaking of dirty cracks, where's Mom?" I said that at Thanksgiving dinner. To their dying days both of my parents believed I knew what that meant.

OMG!
How hilarious!

I searched long and hard, because most things I have ever said, I knew what they meant. The only thing even remotely close was these english words of ours...sounds the same, spelled different...

I was 6 or 7 and was outside, playing in the dirt, I was quite the tomboy then, and was making pretend that I was building bridges and streams...and talking out loud like kids do at play...I said, Hey...Let's dam it!

Unfortunately all my Mom heard was Damn it...and guess whose butt got blistered?

Boy did she feel like a heel after the fact!

How about using rubbers for water balloons out of your sister's boyfriend's car.(Course they did get married. No shotgun!

I remember being at a Denny's where they used to give out these scratch n' sniff placemats; I really went to town on that placemat I got, scratching at it with all possible utensils, blowing off the chaff that inevitably resulted.

At one point, I turned to my parents and exastperatingly stated: "Mom, can you help me with this? It's a big blow job."

Dead serious. I still have to hear about it to this day.

As a poor college student, I learned to do my own nails (like salon acrylic nails, only without the expense). When I was buying supplies at the beauty supply place, I saw that they were selling a single 14k gold nail. (It looked like it fit a pinkie.) I bought it and wore it faithfully for about a year.

I had no idea it was a coke nail! (sigh ... to be young and innocent again) ...

My uncle used to give me a nickel to go up to my mom and say "bullshit". I'd get spanked, come crying to uncle... "here's another nickel, kid, go tell mommy."
This is why I don't mind paying bills so much... I equate money with pain. :)

In junior high I called one of my male pals a dumb dildo for weeks as a way of joking around. I had no idea what a dildo was at the time. Funny thing is, he never hit me, nor did he ever say anything that made me realize my major goof. I was always too embarrassed to apologize after I found out.

in hmm 5th grade i was making invitations to a slumber party i was having. I made a lot of weird cards and things anyway for people, but this one took the cake- i invited all my girlfriends to a gangbang. Well, in "The Outsiders", it referred to a rumble! Anyway, mom was all, "uh, no way... you can't give these out and you have to make new ones"

I am sitting here in stitches. Sounds like a modern day version of Kids Say The Darndest Things. Was it Linus or Charlie Brown who said "The hardest thing in the world is to look innocent when you are?"

This isn't exactly the same, but my daughter is infamous for using the wrong word at the wrong time. The most memorable time happened when she threw something to me in the kitchen. Her aim wasn't very good, but I managed to catch whatever it was anyway. She said "Nice snatch, Mom!" Choking with laughter, I replied "Thanks honey, but I think you mean 'snag' don't you?" She was mortified when she realized what she said.

And yes, I still remind her of that one every now and then.

When I was about 9, my older sister was giving me a bad time, insulting me somehow, I don't remember. In an attempt to stop her and sound "older" by using a "grown up" phrase, I said, in front of several family members, "Hey, I regret that!", instead of "resent". The gales of laughter continued for what felt like hours.

It doesn't just happen as children.

Years ago, I was joking around with my new bride and called her a twit. Her immediate response was, " oh yeah, well you're a twat".

I could tell from the context she had absolutely no idea what she had just said. So I mischieviously asked her what the word "twat" meant. She said she had just made it up by changing the word twit.

Trying not to laugh, I told her it was an actual word and what it meant. She laughed her head off - but not before turning bright pink.

But then she got her revenge on me by saying, "well-I was right after all".

I have one of these, I was saying something in 5th or 6th grade that was inappropriate though I didn't realize it. I just can't remember. Ugh.

Similar to CAG's story, yesterday around lunch time my boss was teasing one of the sales ladies at the elevator and she was trying to express that he was in her personal space and she said, "Don't come in my box!" After my boss, my buddy and I got in the car, we about died laughing. She had no clue what she had just said. We WERE smart enough not to say anything further however. Last thing anyone wants is a sexual harrasment charge...but SHE said it!

A few choice memories pop into mind, thanks alot, Joanie !

One was the BeeGees song where it goes :
" Ohh, you and me girl, blah blah " ( wish I knew the rest or the title of the song )
But, a friend and I would act shocked when we sand the lyrics at age 12, thinking they were singing, " Ohh, you n***er ".

Nice.

And my brother and I, at ages 12 and 14, respectively, used to mouth off " jerk off " all the time, not knowing what it meant.
Our younger step sister, 10 years of age, at a soccer game, in front of parents, yelled ," That referee is a JERKOFF!!!"

Try explaining that one !

It was 1972, my 5th birthday. Mom had bought me a pantsuit (very stylin') with polka dots to wear for the party. When all of my little friends arrived, I announced proudly that I was wearing my birthday suit! Everyone laughed. I still feel the shame to this day. And I never again wore a pantsuit.

I also used to sing (thinking they were the right words): "Dreamer! You're nothing but a dreamer! Can you put your hands in your pants, oh no!"

Two that immediately come to mind. I used to think that "hookers" were tow trucks, and I once asked my mom what the line in the Billy Joel song meant. You know, the line that goes "A six pack of Trojans and my old man's aftershave". She turned eight shades of red, and I'm not sure she ever did answer my question.

I proudly ordered for myself at Dairy Queen while out with my father. I told the cashier I wanted a Brazier Burger. Ummm, only I pronounced it brassiere burger. In front of my father. Oh, the mortification. Hey, at least it looked like it would be pronounced that way!

Mine is kinda cheesy but...when I was way younger, (like 3 years old) I thought "bathing suit" was pronounced "babe-ing suit".... The looks I'd get when I mentioned it... Oh my! LOL :-o

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