July 18, 2003
My Dog's Better Than Your Dog
Moving is the worst.
I have 7+ years of crap here and I am in denial about it all. We had a couple of false starts but we're getting stuff into the new house and getting things settled as we do it. I kinda like that because otherwise I'd be looking at boxes for the next 2 years and I refuse to do that anymore. I want everything in its place now. I want a manageable household. The fact that we're going into a smaller place will help. I just don't know what to do with the extra stuff.
We can't afford storage and I don't really believe in it anyway. I think it's a waste of money. I mean, if you can live without those things while they're in storage, don't you think you can live without them completely? You can't use them while they're in storage. You have to pay to not use them. Hanging on to things because they'd cost too much to replace is pretty much negated by the cost of having to store them, don't you think?
Trying to merge all of our stuff is proving to be a little more of a delicate situation than I had anticipated. I feel like I'm stepping all over Greg's toes if we don't keep a lot of his stuff. On the other hand, I am very reluctant to get rid of anything of mine. It took years to amass the "grownup" stuff we have (as opposed to the "hey, I just moved out on my own and this is all MINE" kinda thing)......He has some great stuff of his own and I'm trying to blend that in with all the crap I have. But, how do we go about the sorting and sifting and the distribution of space? If we both have the same "good" stuff - how do you decide which is better? (I wanted to say "gooder" but that would have been silly)
Sigh.
I just wish we could get the finances back on track. This is very frustrating - having to do two rents and a huge deposit and still feed everyone. And, his birthday looms. He's been great about that. He's willing to wait on his present.......which he won't get until mid-August. He already knows what it is so I don't feel too bad. I know it's something he's gonna like. We're arguing about this at the moment.
Him: You don't have to get me anything, sweetheart.
Me: I know what it's like to get nothing year after year. I don't do that to people.
Him: But, I don't need anything other than your love.
Me: Shut up
Him: Hey, it's okay (and he starts to get out of his chair.)*
Me: Don't even come over here. Stay there. Leave me alone. I'm just telling you. So deal with it.
Him: Fine. Don't say I didn't try.
Me: Your birthday has nothing to do with you. It's all about me.
The way I look at it, his present is for BOTH of us. We're going on a photo caravan at the Wild Animal Park. It's a little more expensive than most presents but it's something that we'll both enjoy and remember for years to come. Memories in the making, if you will. Hmmm.......maybe I can get away with calling this a Birthday/Christmas present.
Anyhow, the next big thing on our list is finding a common style. We've agreed on a general theme. How we're gonna pull this off is beyond me. Thankfully his chair goes with my sofa and with the carpet in the new house. Artwork is a future investment. We both like the art prints from the Zoo/WAP and I guess we'll have to consider saving up for those. There's much more that we agree on than disagree on and I think we're in good shape. Now, if only we could win the lottery.
We've all had our meltdown moments around here. The adults snip and snap at each other. My son gets to whining and throws tantrums. Everything comes out and is over in under 10 minutes. It sounds horrible while it's happening but it's been really therapeutic. No big fights. Just everyone stomping around, being petulant and crabby for a few minutes....and then....moving on. Laughing about it later.
Where would I be without all this love? I hate to think how things might be otherwise.
* He wasn't being super mushy. He was going to tell me that he's lived without a lot of "things" in the past and he's not at all hung up on "things"......
Posted by DaGoddess at July 18, 2003 12:38 AMIn the past I've sold a lot of things I DID have room for. Read some where that it's good for the soul to let go of things not in current use, even if they might still be useful. You know, closing one door opens another.
In any case, congrats on finding a new place. Joanie! I have no doubt that it will be filled with love and warmth immediately.
I know you, and the energy you bring. Your voice and friendship still echo in my place from January, and I'm so happy to have the good vibes.
xo,
~mox
In the past I've sold a lot of things I DID have room for. Read some where that it's good for the soul to let go of things not in current use, even if they might still be useful. You know, closing one door opens another.
In any case, congrats on finding a new place. Joanie! I have no doubt that it will be filled with love and warmth immediately.
I know you, and the energy you bring. Your voice and friendship still echo in my place from January, and I'm so happy to have the good vibes.
xo,
~mox
Glad we didn't have to go through all that "merging of stuff" phase. We didn't have anything but our clothes when we started out, so that made it easy!
We had a storage unit for quite a while when we moved. I think we were there more than we were at the house (yes, I'm exaggerating a little, but we did exchange stuff quite a bit).
Posted by: bogie at July 18, 2003 03:27 AMOh man, don't I know about the merging of the crapola! When Stoney and I got married, two years ago, we'd both been living singly for at least five years. I, naturally, had GREAT stuff. His stuff was okay. . . But it was his. *G* We're still sorting through stuff and trying to get rid of duplicates!
Posted by: Medb at July 18, 2003 04:40 AMMy wife and I bought a house last August. It was only a few blocks from where we were renting at the time, and we still had a month of paid rent after closing so I moved a little bit at at time. I tried to do one room a day. I would take everything from the living room, say, and then put it in the new house exactly where it was going to be. Furniture in place, art work on the walls, etc... Took me 3 weeks but when we finally finished moving, the new house was ready. No boxes, no stuff laying around, no paintings to be hung.
But, we also moved to a smaller house and we had alot of crap that had nowhere to go. It ended up in my home office. Now I have "el cuarto de las papas" as mom would say. You know what that is. It's that one spare room that's the catchall for all the stuff you can't find a place for so you just throw stuff in there thinking one day soon (heh!) you will either garage sale it or find a place for it somewhere else or give it away. Right. I can hardly walk in there and we've lived there a year already.
Posted by: Val Prieto at July 18, 2003 07:01 AMWe combined four households (well...three and a little bit more) when we moved to this house. There's a full basement, and it's FULL. This winter I'm going to have to bite the bullet, be ruthless, and start amassing a "GIT RID OF" pile. My biggest concern is that we will move to a much smaller house one day, and there won't be room for 60% of the stuff we'd like to keep, let alone the junk in the basment. The worst project?? Culling through old business files before they can be pitched!
Posted by: Buffy at July 18, 2003 07:47 AMThankfully I've never had to do the merging thing, because, frankly, I think I'd just lose it. I already hate to move so much that the Hunter not so affectionately refers to me as "The Moving Bitch" and I think merging things would just throw me over the edge. Best of luck.
Posted by: TW at July 18, 2003 09:18 AMI'm sure he'd agree that just having you there is a birthday present in itself for him.
(Wow, I must have taken my nice pills today...)
Posted by: dever at July 18, 2003 09:22 AMI'd be the same way as Greg - "You don't have to get me anything, just being with you is a gift in itself" :) Lately, I've been not really "wanting" any physical things, more into enjoying the emotions and fun of being in a happy, communicative, and healty relationship! :)
Posted by: Zaldor at July 18, 2003 11:12 AMHaving just consolidated all our stored stuff into roughly 1/3 of the space we used to have in our basement, I can attest to the meltdowns as well as the subsequent joy of being freed up of so much clutter. Goodwill and The Salvation Army are hawking much of my old stuff, and that's how it oughta be. We figured, if we haven't opened the box in 4 years, we're not going to miss it. I miss the idea of the stuff, that's all. ;)
Posted by: gw at July 18, 2003 01:38 PMFor some reason the only things I ever get rid of are the things I had for years and IMMEDIATELY REGRET having shed. Why is that? Good luck!
Posted by: Velociman at July 18, 2003 04:44 PMscrew the artwork problem. Just frame a bunch of your photos (including those from the Safari) and put them up instead. I know you've got a bunch of good ones.
Posted by: MarcL at July 18, 2003 05:39 PMAnd I'm supposed to call you for a beer? Far better that you stayed on track...
Posted by: Scott Chaffin at July 18, 2003 06:32 PMLuigi moved in two years ago. He had been collecting stuff for about 8 years. And I was saving junk for seven. We had a garage sale that never happened because of his sourpuss landlady.
We now have tons of junk in a storage unit...but's that's easy. We just plan a garage sale. The hard thing is why I am clinging to stuff I haven't even paid attention to for years. We are STILL 'Spring Cleaning'. I am gonna fix up this place if it kills me!( We certainly cannot afford a house in California...so we'll have to stay here for a while.
Congratulations on your new place!!! I wish you guys much happiness, good health, and love in your new home!
Posted by: Peach at July 18, 2003 10:48 PMJoanie:
So glad to read you got a place!
I have 2 words for you: YARD SALE!
It helps get rid of the duplicates & some of the clutter, and helps a little toward the inevitable cash flow problem relocating creates.
Having that overlap of rent is expensive, but boy, being able to move in stages is a gosdend...at I least found it was. This last move was into a much smaller place, and there's no way I could have just loaded all the boxes in, then began setting up. There just wouldn't have been enough room. And by moving the furniture first, it was easy to try it in different locations, (although I ended up going with the arrangement I'd graphed out on paper beforehand after all)
Congrats on being able to keep some perspective on the emotional rollercoaster you're going through. That's a major accomplishment, in my book.
Keep on keepin' on, and enjoy your new digs!
Posted by: LightandDark at July 19, 2003 01:53 PMI fell your pain. Moving is not only physically exhausting, but emotionally and FINANCIALLY! Best of luck with what's left and trust me, in a few weeks all will be right again ; )
Posted by: Sgt Hook at July 19, 2003 06:21 PMFood for thought: You make more money (in the form of tax deductions) and help more people if you just have Goodwill or The Salvation Army come and haul your stuff away. It's deductible! Less hassle!
Posted by: gw at July 21, 2003 11:43 PM