Da Goddess

"It would make a damn fine story"?

It

would

make

a

damn

fine

story.

???

Please say you are joking. Or this indeed is marketing at its finest (lowest?) hour.

What would I do?

I'd do the same thing you've done. I'd take a realistic look at my situation, I'd see that there are family members depending on my support, and I'd act accordingly.

No, you're not being selfish. Not at all. You're a mother with a young son. And you realize how important your responsibilities are.

Now, if you were in a different situation, if you were single with no kids or grandkids, you might make a different decision.

But reality is what it is. You made the right decision, jiddoe. I'd do the same as you.

er, ..."jiddoe" should be "kiddoe" in my post a few minutes ago. Sorry, clumsy fingers on the keyboard here.

Why feel selfish for keeping yourself intact? The donor and recipient knew each other for years. I've been at my current job for almost 3 years, and it's entirely possible that I might consider giving a kidney to a certain friend or two that I've become close with there. But if it came right down to it, I might not actually go through with it for all the reasons that you outlined.

I think it's way "above and beyond" to consider giving out organs. _while you are still using them._ I don't think it needs to be so commonplace among coworkers or even friends. After all, there ARE significant risks to the living donor. Sure, her remaining kidney may be just fine in a major accident and may not ever get renal cancer, but all it takes is one bout of severe sepsis, or IVP dye during a CAT scan to knock one's kidney out.

As you mentioned, there are several other ways to donate of ourselves. I don't give blood as often as I'd like (low blood count usually), but I'm on the bone marrow registry and would give that stuff up in a heartbeat if someone needed it.

I don't think it's selfish to keep one's organs. If something were to go wrong, either at the time or down the road, it's your family that suffers.

I could go on and on I think... but don't stress about the choices you make in the best interest of yourself and your family.

Wow, hard questions on a Sunday morning. I honestly do not know what I would do. Were it for my family, probably. A stranger, probably not.

And even my family is iffy.

Don't beat yourself up. You give in so many other ways.

I would give what I could. But that is just me. I am also sitting here knowing I can't give anything anyway. It is really just an intellectual excersise for me.

Also what about after death? I want to encourage everyone to get themselves listed as a donor after death, since most places won't do this as a matter of course. But it is a very important thing. I have numerous friends who can now see, breath, and live due to donors who gave after passing.

I think I have to line up with you on this one. Blood donation - do it twice a year. Marrow? Well, it would be inconvenient, but I'd probably do it for a friend or a child (any child). Skin graft? I *might*. Depending on the person. An organ? No. Why? I think my first duty is to my family, and like you, it would just take too much away from them. Also, it is possible that I might be a match for a relative in need - I just don't know. But I know that I owe my family first.

Good thought provoker!

I feel pretty much the same way you do, Joanie...my organs stay right where they are, with (probably) the sole exception being my daughters and wife.

Don't take on any "unearned guilt" for your position on this issue - it DOESN'T make you a "bad" person, trust me. You do plenty for other people -- more than most -- so don't beat yourself up for a situation that in all likelihood won't occur anyway.

Fuck 'em!

Family and relations, definitely.
Co-workers?
No way. Co workers come and go.
I have never been good enough friends with ANY co-workers (going out for beers after work does not a close friend make) to consider donating any internal organ or external appendage.
If I die in an accident, my organs are up for grabs (I've had a donor designation on my license since the day I got it..before that I had a card in my wallet).

For my brothers, in a heart beat (we're all O-), but my parents would not allow any of us to donate to them. For anyone else, I hate to say it, but you're on your own till I'm dead. Then you can have anything you want. For you guys with the knife happy wives I'd recommend the ...aw, never mind.

I agree with you on this one. I've never been terribly ill or anything, but I value my health, and I think donating an organ (especially to a co-worker) is just not something I'd be willing to do.

Like you said - donating blood (although after a bad first experience, I have yet to go back) is fine, bone marrow would probably depend on whether I could afford the recovery time, but not a terribly hard decision. I don't think I'd even donate an organ to a friend . . . I'm too young to be parting with things that may one day be needed by a child or partner.

If it makes you a bad person for thinking this way, it sounds like 99% of us out there are bad people! And I hardly think that's true . . . =)

Family, Friends YES. Some co-workers...maybe I would consider it, as I have some that I have worked with for years and who have helped to teach me much of what I know. 6 months..I doubt it, strongly. Ultimately, you make that final decision Joanie and if you decide no, you are NOT selfish.

That is such a hard question. OK, you state a co-worker of 6 months. That would be a no from me.
However, a co-worker who was a friend - obviously not a casual friend, but one who you'd known for a long time and you'd taken on as a friend in the whole sense of the word. This makes a harder question.
I, like many others who've commented before me, would have to lean towards "no" - family must come first. I have a 7 yo daughter and am still thinking of having another, but I would really have to be asked on a case-by-case basis.
To be honest? if I were in a different situation in my personal life (ie, no partner/kid) then my choice may be different. But at this point? I'd lean to the negative.

If it was a family member or close friend who would die if i didn't -- yes, of course. For someone I only knew 6 months? Probably not.

Your thought process about being there for your kids is right on the money. We all know what a giving person you are, but your kids come first!

I can be an extremely generous person, but I'm with you. There is a line where you have to consider the costs.

In the recovery time, unless you take vacation time, you won't get paid, which might not be a problem if you are single, have a lot of money in the bank, or both.

If one of my friends needed it, and had no other chance of survival, I'd donate an organ in a heartbeat.

Money can't buy me a friend.

I don't think you are any less of a person if you choose against organ donation. I don't believe there is a "Get Me To Heaven/Be A Good Person" guidebook complete with a checklist of ALL the things required to be an upstanding human being. (Heh, sometimes I think there should be)

The fact that you already work in a care giver role is a testament to who you are as a person. After visiting this site for a bit and reading your entries & comments I think you're already on the right path to being a fine world citizen.

Look at it this way, a lack of people donating usable organs forces scientists to come up with artificial or regenerative organs through the miracles of science. So in an indirect way, not donating organs means a better future for us all.

That's the same reason i don't recycle. I'll force science to come up with better degradeable products.

Well, my son was born with a multi-cystic kidney. Therefore, he only has one functioning kidney. If anything ever happened to his one good kidney, hell yea, I'd give him one of mine. Would I give one to a stranger. Maybe before I would, but not now. Now I KNOW I have to save it for my son.

I don't think I could do it. I admit, I'm too selfish. I could do it for someone I was REALLY close too, but not for anyone else. Everyone knows that you are an unselfish and caring person without having to donate an organ.