Da Goddess

Furry Little Beasts

My favorite little troll Anton needs some help. He's talking to himself a la Norman Bates. Please go help him.

1) Do big boooobies get more hits than small booblets? Wouldn't know. Mine are so big that I can't see past them to ask the same question.

2) Would small, hairless booblets do better than hairy man-beast pecs? HELL YES!

3) If I dropped my pants, would I get more traffic? Mmm....I dunno. Show me and I'll be able to answer the question better.

4) I've noticed several female bloggers who trade sexual favors for blogrolling i.e. one good roll deserves another. Do they actually deliver? If so, please provide URL. Blowjobs, baby. Virtual blowjobs!

5) I've notice several male bloggers who accept sex for links. Do they accept gift certificates? They never put out.

Speaking of hairy boobies, did I ever tell you about my former roommate? Once upon a time I had a roommate we'll call Nettie. (Mostly because it was her name and I'm too uncreative at the moment to give her another name.) We'd met back in my days of Country & Western dancing down at the Pomerado Club. I think we actually met on the dance floor or over a spilled beer. Either way, we met and became great friends. Over the course of a year or so, she ended up needing a place to live and I happened to have a room for rent. Nettie moved in.

We spent many a Friday night getting ready to go out to the bar together. One night, as we were preparing for our evening of dancing and drinking, she was changing shirts and started her long lament about the hair on her chest. I said I didn't think it would be a big deal, everyone has that fine downy, near-invisible hair. She corrected me and told me to take a closer look. (Believe it or not, I didn't spend a lot of time checking out her chest in a bra.) I took a gander. Oh gawd! I'm sure the sound of my jaw hitting the floor echoed through the neighborhood. That gal had honest-to-goodness dark chest hair between her breasts! Not just a stray hair here or there. I mean....this shit was like a mini forest. I was astounded!

Nettie said it had always plagued her. She cursed her Italian genes. I asked if she'd ever tried Nair. She cursed depilatory creams. I asked if she tried tweezing. She cursed that as well. I asked her what the hell was effective. She said shaving. I cursed shaving. I mean, what guy would want to slide his....uh...member between her breasts (which were ample) and get rugburn? She admitted she hadn't thought of that. She ended up going back to tweezing after I pointed this out.

I had another friend, Hillary, who had hair all around her nipples. The hair started growing there after she had her son. She volunteered the info readily to all who even glanced at her boobs. And plenty of men did. I was sufficiently grossed out. I don't think I'd be telling every Tom, Dick, and Harry if I had manly nips. Of course, that only raised the curiosity factor for the guys. She had some serious issues there.

I prefer to have female boobs hairless, thanks. Men? Well, let's just say that I don't like to hack my way through the jungle with a machete to tweak a nip. A little hair is fine. But full shag carpeting ain't my thing.

Shit. All this because Anton couldn't control his man boobs.

Posted by DaGoddess at May 20, 2003 04:47 PM