March 10, 2003
Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
Two extras:
Why does a man's penis have a hole in it?
So he can get oxygen to his brain.
You are so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck, you look like a broken condom.
Posted by DaGoddess at March 10, 2003 02:58 PMMike once told some guy who was a real jerk "You know, that turtleneck you're wearing looks remarkably like a foreskin".
Posted by: rita at March 10, 2003 03:13 PMLOL thanks for the laugh
Posted by: Martie at March 10, 2003 03:16 PMahhhh...#18. brings back memories. I've always said it's not the laughing I mind. It's the pointing AND laughing...
Posted by: Bryce at March 10, 2003 03:38 PMahhhh...#18. brings back memories. I've always said it's not the laughing I mind. It's the pointing AND laughing...
Posted by: Bryce at March 10, 2003 03:39 PMThere are an aweful lot of big trucks in california...
Posted by: Greg at March 10, 2003 04:27 PMOne of my friends actually told a guy to "Go home and grow"
Posted by: Erin at March 10, 2003 05:15 PMHEY YOUR TALKING ABOUT ME lol
its not nice to talk about a sick person cough cough
Posted by: zander at March 10, 2003 06:44 PMLOL... funny stuff there! *pointing and laughing* at the nearest man*.........uh, oops... didn't mean to do that!
Posted by: Desiree at March 10, 2003 08:44 PMhey cut that out Desiree! Im the nearest. Im not done growing yet. Im small for my age. :(
Posted by: zander at March 11, 2003 04:46 AMYou forgot those loving words during the act...
"Get off me, you're heavy."
"Hurry up, I'm getting a cramp in my leg."
"Aren't you done YET?"
"When you're inside me, I feel nothing."
And then the phrase that will irrevocably shatter any relationship;
Wife: "Go to hell!"
Husband: "I AM in hell!!!"
After you say that, pack your bags, put them in the car. Come back in and clap your hands in front of her like a vegas dealer, then leave without saying anything else...
Posted by: Thomas at March 11, 2003 05:04 AMI have neen nekkid many times since I got here Monday morning. Nobody has laughed at my dick yet.
They laughted at ME, but not my dick.
Posted by: Acidman at March 11, 2003 05:33 AMcant .. stop .. laughing
Posted by: tasha at March 11, 2003 07:31 AM#3 - I believe I've said that before. What a botch job it was.
Add:
"Oh yes, yours is average. Don't be sad. At least it isn't small!"
Posted by: sugarmama at March 11, 2003 08:04 AMI would like to register my complaint against what I consider to be an unfairly sexist thread. We need to be sensitive to the fact that half of the men in this great nation of ours have a penis that is below average in size. We need to step away from "little dick" jokes and realize that the true evil in the world is caused by women with worn out cunts so big they could hide a fucking toaster and a sixpack at the same time. Nobody has spoken out about this unbalanced portrayal of gender specific genitalia and it is time that justice be done.
Thank you for your attention in this matter. If you feel that this issue affects you, please stop over at www.hellooointhere.com and make a donation to the "Make a Stitch" foundation. That is all.
Posted by: Anton Shrek at March 11, 2003 10:18 AMPoor Anton, you seem to be amongst the smaller ones. Well, stroke and pull and maybe it will grow... seems that in a lot of vid chat rooms that happens! (or so I have heard). Now Zander, sorry, yes, you are not officially full grown adult, I'll quit the laughing. *snicker*... uh, sorry, hard to stop suddenly.
Posted by: Desiree at March 11, 2003 10:34 AMAnton obviously has issues with penis size. Personally, I've found nothing but heartache (and blue balls) due to my "proportions". I am faithful to my wife, and enjoy sex with her. The problem is even after saturating my penis and her vagina in KY, Vaseline, mint flavored anal lube, Crisco and other lubricants, the girth of my penis takes it's toll shortly after her orgasm. Unless I hurry up and finish before her (or at the same time), I end up using my hand to reach climax. Anal sex is out of the question except when she's drunk and VERY horny.
I'd rather have a small cock...
OK, maybe not...
Posted by: Thomas at March 11, 2003 10:39 AMThomas, bend the fuck over and we'll see who has issues with penis size. What's with the do-it-yourself thing? You're supposed to fuck her with that salami not beat her unconscious!
Posted by: Anton Shrek at March 11, 2003 01:27 PMAh Goddess, these are the posts that make us adore you (even more)!!!!!
Posted by: Susan at March 11, 2003 05:08 PM