Da Goddess

Entry Achieved

Well, the key to the front door worked, so I guess she really was serious about letting me in. I don't see any obvious booby-traps (and no obvious boobies, either), so she must not be laying an ambush for me. Lemme turn on the light.

GAWD!

All this purple shit around me and the smell of feminine perfume mixed with estrogen EVERYWHERE! Lucky for me I brought the full-faced respirator and self-contained breathing apparatus with me. Let me don my safety equipment before I venture any further. (KEY-POO, KEY-POO! Okay, I'm breathing genuine Cracker air now.)

Let's see what's in the refrigerator. Hey! A box of white zin! Thank you, Goddess! I feel right at home!

Now, what's the rest of this shit? Ginger ale. Eggs. Leftover meatloaf, which doesn't look bad. A VERY LARGE cucumber, somewhat bruised, all by itself in a plastic bag, 'way back in the corner. Wonder what THAT'S for? The mind reels.

Damn. I gotta pee. Let's try down the hallway. Aha! A bathroom!

Aw, naw! She's got one of those fluffy toilet-lid covers hugging the piss-pot that won't allow the seat to stand up by itself. I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand there draining MY magnificent lizard with one hand on my tool and one hand holding the toilet seat up. I'll just piss all over the seat.

No, that would be rude, un-Southern and impolite. I won't do that. I'll piss in that container over there on the counter. It's got nothing but a toothbrush and some toothpaste in it, so I'll just dump that shit out and piss in THERE.

Ooooohhh, that feels good. Damn! I musta REALLY had to go! I'm about to overflow the container! Luckily, I am good in a crisis, so I fling the container toward the sink, but I miss and it hits the wall and splashes everywhere while I turn around and piss all over the fluffy toilet-lid cover before I can raise it and piss all over the seat.

Bejus! Look at what I did! But it's okay, because there is a towel on the rack next to the shower and I can use that to mop up all the piss everywhere. If I hang the towel right back where it was when I'm done, it'll dry before she gets home and she'll never know what happened in here. I'll just retrieve the container from the floor, put the toothbrush and toothpaste back where it was, and nobody will be the wiser.

Now, I'm off to explore the rest of the house...

Acidman

Posted by DaGoddess at January 31, 2003 04:10 PM