Da Goddess

Unhappy Cows

From the AP

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. -- Animal rights activists who complain that California dairy cows do not live the happy life shown in a popular television advertising campaign for the state's cheese producers say they'll head to court Wednesday to try to force the ads off the air.

Okay, so talking cows on television are supposed to be realistic enough to warrant total belief in the assertion that California cows are happy cows? Hmm. Since when did we suspend enough belief to actually buy into talking cows?

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and author John Robbins of Santa Cruz, using California's strong consumer protection laws, plan to ask a San Francisco superior court judge to ban the Happy Cows ads because they are false, unfairly favor California cheese over other states' cheeses and mislead consumers about environmental damage from the dairy industry.

PETA has planned news conferences Wednesday in Los Angeles and San Francisco to announce the legal action.

Oh! It's PETA! That makes more sense. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?

The humorous ads, which feature cows that talk, show cows in green pastures and contend that "great cheese comes from happy cows." Happy cows, the ads say, come from California.

In a recent commercial, a high-strung chicken pesters two impassive cows for the secret of their tranquility. Finally, the chicken says, "Silence. OK, like a Zen thing. I get it, grasshopper."

After the chicken moves on, one cow says, "Wow." The other chimes in, "Yeah, poultry."

I'm gonna start taping all these commercials, edit them onto one tape, and send these to everyone I know who hasn't seen them! They're great commercials! And, you all know how I feel about talking animals on TV. So, for me to be a fan of these particular spots is really saying something.

The California Milk Advisory Board, which produced the ads, credits the commercials with helping California close in on Wisconsin, the leading cheese producer. California farmers produced 1.6 billion pounds of cheese in 2001.

"Where the ads are seen, it creates more demand," said Nancy Fletcher, the milk advisory board's spokeswoman.

That's what ads are supposed to do, right? Create more demand. It's all about the money, honey.

But PETA says most California dairy cows live not in bucolic pastures, but in filthy, grassless lots where they are forced to give too much milk and are separated from their calves too soon.

Most of us reasonable people can tell that talking cows aren't meant to be considered actual representatives of real cows. Most of us also realize that the majority of cows don't wander around in green pastures in California. I mean, it's CALIFORNIA, for God's sake! We're a very brown state. The brush is brown. The ground is brown (that which isn't covered by pavement, that is.) Fact vs fiction. Even the simplest among us know that this is just a commercial.

"Increasing numbers of the public do want to know how the food they eat is produced," said Robbins, son of a co-founder of Baskin-Robbins ice cream.

Robbins is a vegetarian, and PETA advocates a dairy-free diet. But Robbins said the issue is informed choice.

Wait. This guy is heir to the ice cream throne and he's dairy-free? I bet he doesn't have a problem with all that money rolling in each month. How did he make his informed choice? Was he hit in the head with a shovel and brainwashed by PETA? Me thinks that's the case. Otherwise, I think he'd reason out that he's talking out both sides of his mouth here. "I have lots of money! My dad co-founded Baskin-Robbins! I don't use dairy! Babble babble.....drool drool. I'm a spokespuppet for a crazy group of militant animal rights activists. And, really, I don't care that they're just using me for the money!"

"This ad campaign is such an affront to people who want to make an informed choice," he said.

No. It's not. The ad is simply selling California cheese, you dimwit. If the ad were trying to sway those who wanted to make an informed choice, it would contain a lot more than talking cows. It would promote dairy products as manna. Instead, it promotes cheese. CHEESE! Like the stuff in Robbins' head.

The complaint says, "Contrary to the depictions in the Happy Cows ads, the vast majority of California dairy cows do not live easy lives."

I wonder who did the survey. How many cows were interviewed? Do they have any of this on tape? Where's my documentation, PETA? (In healthcare we have a saying, if it's not documented, it didn't happen.)

In October, the Federal Trade Commission declined to take action on a similar complaint from PETA.

Fletcher said the group, having lost at the FTC, is simply shopping for anyone to take a look at the complaint, which she said is groundless.

Wait. A government agency is starting to sound reasonable. Oh God. We're in trouble!

"The better our farmers take care of cows, the more productive they are," she said. "It's in the best interest of dairy farmers to take care of their cows."

Amen. It may not be completely true, but it sure rings truer than anything PETA spews.

The cheese producers' Web site sells a variety of Happy Cows souvenirs, including plush toys and T-shirts that say, "So much grass, so little time."

I had a stoner neighbor once who said the same thing. But, back to the issue at hand. People LIKE the Happy Talking Cows. I think it's great that they have a website with merchandise!

The site also offers testimonials from happy consumers. Bob from Exeter, Calif., wrote: "Please do not let whoever is complaining about the commercials stop you from doing them. My family now looks for the real California cheese label because of the commercials."

Bob's never let me down before. He's right. We like the commercials. PETA be damned.....keep making them!

Robbins, who grew up in a Southern California home with a backyard swimming pool shaped like an ice cream cone, said dairy operations are inhumane.

"What if the ads showed calves being ripped away from their mothers?" he said.

Robbins, your slip is showing. What if, instead, we showed cheese lovers ripping your head, and the heads of your friends at PETA, off? I'd get front row seats for that one.

My take on this is nothing. Silly, really. I've sent this on to another blogger as a Christmas present. It'll be easy as pie for him to rip this apart. I can't wait to see if he rips this to shreds in a way that only he can. In fact, I'm reserving an hour to sit, read, and laugh my ass off. I only hope he decides to use it. Until then, make up your own mini fisks and leave them under my pillow like the little love notes they are.

Smooches!

Posted by DaGoddess at December 13, 2002 11:37 PM