July 25, 2002
Free! Hot! Bird Porn!
I told my former English professor that I'm writing porn. So, here I am. Writing porn.
I'm surrounded by fucking birds! My yard is full of them! The trees are full of them! They are all engaged in reproduction and I'm jealous because I ain't getting any of my own these days!
Fucking birds.
It's comical, really. The posturing of the males. The songs. The whole courting and mating behavior is impressive. Yet, it's funny. It's funny because the males will do anything and everything to draw attention to themselves. It's how they get the girls, right?
Each type of bird has a unique behavior. The little hummingbirds beat their wings faster and their flight is even more graceful than normal. The little brown birds with the white patches are singing new sweet songs and fluttering their wings high on the treetops. The doves are cooing and wooing and calling for love. The crows are singing a different tune as well. No more of the harsh raspy screeching for fun. No. This is completely different. It's sweeter and tamer.
Once the guys find their gals, the conversations are intense. Guys: "Your nest or mine, sweetie?" "You're one hot chick, you know?" Gals: "Don't get your feathers all ruffled on my account...I still have options, you know!" "You bird brain! You think all it takes is a little song and a little dance to get yourself into my pants?"
Soon, it's obvious that less talk and more action is in order. The males puff up more. The females ignore. The male hops, skips, and jumps his way closer. The female ignores him. Ahhh! Lust!
Then, in a fevered fluttering of feathers, we're off! Mating in the sky. Mating in the trees. Mating in the bushes. It's going on everywhere! A couple of these pairs have thrown themselves practically at my feet and done it right there! All around me there are lovers engaged in the simplest and basest acts of procreation. Foreplay aside, it's not a pretty sight.
After the birds are done the gals readjust their feathers, apply a fresh coat of beakstick, wink at the males, and fly off to find their next lay. Not so much as a thanks or good-bye. The males, in the most delicious twist of all, are left wondering if she'll come back for more or if she'll ever call again. The puzzled expressions on their little faces are something to see! You can almost hear them saying "I did everything I could! Why did she leave so suddenly? Wasn't I good enough? Why don't they ever stay?"
This whole thing is the ongoing free, hot porn in my world. It's played out again and again at all hours of the day and night these days. Remember, California is for Lovers.
All the birds are gettin' it on and I'm not. Kinda sad if you ask me.
Posted by DaGoddess at July 25, 2002 04:34 PM