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A very cute guy came bounding up. Tall, dark haired, broad shoulders, penetrating green eyes. You know, one of those run of the mill gorgeous hunk types.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry! Oh shit. Oh shit! Look, let me help,” he said, pulling off his shirt. I’m thinking, oh fine. Wow me with your muscles, big guy. That’s right. Add insult to injury. Tease me with that firm body while I sit here bleeding profusely. He tears off a sleeve, pushes my hand out of the way, and puts the cloth against my nose. “Hold it tight there. Now, let’s sit down. You gotta get your head down between your knees if you can.”

The whole time this is happening, the dog’s looking at me like this is the most amusing thing she’s ever seen. Her tail’s going a mile a minute and she’s looking at Adonis like he’s a gift from heaven above. Stupid dog. Why didn’t she bite him or at least bark? Man’s best friend, yes. Woman’s best friend? Not so much, apparently. Well, now that I’m down on the ground, she gives me a little lick, like that’s gonna help. Again, not so much.

“Are you okay other than the blood? I mean, are you dizzy? Can you see straight?” Mr. Stunning asked.

“I think I’m okay. Just a damn mess. And it hurts like a mother, you know?”

“Stay right here, okay? I have some ice in a cooler. I’m gonna go get it.” He started off from whence he came. Looking over his shoulder, he asked, “What’s your name, hon?”

“Felicia.” No way was I going to tell him my real name. Nope. Not the maimer of my nose. He didn’t deserve it.

Within seconds, he was back.

“Felicia, I’m Tommy. I’d say nice to meet you but I kind of think it wasn’t so nice for you.” Tommy? What grown man goes by the name of Tommy? What grown Chippendale dancer of a man calls himself Tommy?

I put the makeshift ice pack he handed me over my nose. I started to laugh. “I’m probably gonna have black eyes by tomorrow.”

“By tomorrow?” he said. “I’d say you’re already well on your way. I can’t believe this. I am so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. Can I take you to the doctor? I’ll pay. I mean, I should. This is all my fault. Oh fuck. I can’t believe I did this to you. I’m so sorry.”

I started laughing harder. He was pathetic. The panic seemed genuine enough, but it was really more than the situation called for. So I got a frisbee in the face. Big deal. So I would sport a couple of shiners for a week or so. Big freakin’ deal. I worked from home. I had no clients booked for the next couple weeks and I could order groceries for delivery online. This was manageable. But here he was acting like he’d just defaced the Mona Lisa or something.

“Dude, Tommy, I’m fine. I’m a little embarrassed to be all bloody and getting this sort of personal attention from a stranger for something that was an accident. Really, I’m okay. I appreciate your kindness, but I’m just gonna head on home and forget this ever happened.”

I started to stand up and promptly fell right on my ass.

Tommy put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “Oh no! You’re dizzy now, aren’t you? You’re really woozy. I can tell. You’re not going anywhere. Not unattended. Let me get my truck. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“I don’t need a hospital and I don’t need your help! Please, this is just so silly. It was an accident and your part in all this is officially over. I have Aunt Bee to help me home.”

“Aunt Bee? Like Andy Taylor’s aunt? Mayberry? Aunt Bee? Really?”

“Yeah, got a problem with that?” Mr. Goodbody wasn’t going to make fun of me now, was he? I’d like to see him try. Nobody disses my dog or my show.

“No. Actually it was my favorite show when I was growing up. Still is. I have the whole DVD collection.”

“How nice for you. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going home. Thanks for your help.”

As I tried to stand again, I suddenly felt the entire world shift beneath me and then disappear. Next thing I knew, Opie and Barney were standing over me, talking about fried chicken and hot apple pie. And then they, too, were gone.

When I woke up, I was being jostled out of the hunkmeister’s truck and onto a gurney. I tried to say something and couldn’t. Everything went black.

I don’t know how long I was out, but eventually I did come around…only to find my “savior” still at my side.

“You know, you spend any more time with me and I’m calling this a date. And if it’s a date, I really expect flowers.”

“Done.” And he pointed to flowers on the bedside table.

“Shit.”

“Martina, I’m really sorry. Flowers aren’t going to make things right for what I did. Dinner and a movie wouldn’t even make up for this. I’m such an idiot. What can I do…”

“What did you just call me? I’m Felicia, remember?”

“Felicia, bleeding in the park and Martina according to your license. Sorry, they found your license in your little wallet thingy and corrected me. I looked a little stupid trying to correct them, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Um, yeah. I guess.” Now I felt stupid. I can’t even hide behind some phony name properly.

“Where’s Aunt Bee?”

“My brother came and got her. She’s safe and sound at his house until you’re better.”

“And why am I in the hospital? I got hit in the nose. It’s not like you hit me in the head with a baseball bat.”

“Well, they said you might have a concussion…”

“From a damn frisbee to the nose? That’s ridiculous! Preposterous even. Of all the stupid… I can’t even have a simple accident without it turning into a major ordeal. And I can’t afford this. I gotta get outta here.”

“I told you, I’ll take care of the bill. Don’t worry about that. It’s all my fault,” Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Hotness insisted.

“No. It was an accident. I’m not making you pay fo…”

“God, woman! Would you shut up for two seconds and quit arguing? It is too my fault. That frisbee came at you because I threw it your way. I wanted an excuse to come over and talk to you. It’s my fault.”

“What? You did it on purporse? What kind of idiot are you?”

“The kind of idiot who thought you were cute.”

“You never heard of ‘hello’?”

“Okay. Fine. ‘Hello’. I’m Tommy. I saw you across the park and knew I had to meet you.”

“That’s so lame.”

“I know.”

And that, kids, was the start of a beautiful relationship.

“Mommy, isn’t Daddy’s name Tommy?”