PROMPTuesday #16 - A Piece Of My Mind
Just so I can claim up-to-datedness, I’m jumping in right away on this week’s PROMPTuesday.
…write a letter of complaint. Write it to your grocery store, your breakfast, your toilet paper…anything you find lacking, subpar, or freaky. For instance, my letter will be to Thomas the Train’s wooden figure wranglers. I personally find the way that none of the Thomas characters move their mouths when they talk a little creepy. And I intend to tell the wranglers so.
- You must write your entry in 10 minutes. This encourages top-of-mind, primal thinking before the ego and judgmental brain kick in. Just set a timer, make your kid count to 600 slowly, whatever. It’s an honor system. And I trust you.
- Keep to 250 words or less.*
- Please have fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Together, let’s rediscover the simple joy in the writing process.
- Post your submission in the comments OR post in your blog and leave a link to your blog in the comments.
Oh, this is an easy one for me. What doesn’t piss me off? There’d be a real challenge!
Dear Proctor & Gamble,
I’m a super duper loyal consumer when it comes to specific products. One such product is your Secret Platinum Protect Soft Solid Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant. I love the soft solid. The solid deodorant feels like it’s ripping my skin off. The gel feels slimy and goopy. Roll-on? Puhleeze! Spray? Well, I never can get past the choking on the fumes. But the soft solid? Perfection! It glides on smoothly, doesn’t get tacky or runny, and it’s always been “just right”.
I had a favorite fragrance, but you changed those up so many times and threw scents like “Tropical Thunder”, “Mystic Mother of the Lavender Gods”, “Asian Gooseberry”, “Half-Caff Soy Latte”, “Kuku Coco Butter” (unlike everything else listed here, this is an actual scent offered), and “Frou-Frou Does Velvet Curtains”, that I started to get pissed. I finally locked in on some sort of gentle powder scent and pretty much figured out the new aroma code (shower fresh, powder fresh, fresh fresh) with every new improvement we never wanted that you thrust upon the public. But now? You’ve fucked with my favorite deodorant one too many times. You’ve changed the packaging of my one and only deodorant so radically that I can’t find it on the damn shelf. And nowhere on the thing does it proclaim what, exactly, it is that I’m buying. Oh, wait. In teeny, tiny print I see “soft solid”. It says “aquacurrent”, whatever that means. I spent 45 minutes at the store trying to find anything resembling my much beloved underarm perspiration cloaking compound. What I eventually found looked nothing like what I purchased only a month and a half before. What the hell is wrong with you people?
I know I’m not the only one who loved the product as it was. All too often, I’d find myself reaching for the last deodorant on the shelf at the same time someone else was. We’d both get panicky and tears would form in our eyes as we contemplated the possibility of not being able to purchase the ONE THING IN THE WORLD we most wanted. More often than not, I’d ask if the other woman would consider a different scent and she’d say, “oh, no problem! I like ‘Silky Floral Impressionist Masterpiece’. I’ll get that one.” And I’d walk away happy. But now, I can’t even get in a knock down, drag out death match over deodorant because none of us can find what we’re looking for.
Way to go, P&G. You’ve managed to alienate your loyal customer base to the point where I’m contemplating a call to Ralph Nader. And let’s be real, you don’t want Nader on your ass, do you? Return my deodorant packaging to its original, easy to find labeling and I’ll call off the dogs.
Signed,
You Stink and So Do I
Thankfully, I have an allergy to aluminium. There are only 3 deodorants on the market that don’t contain aluminium and they are all equally ineffective, so I’ll never, ever have this problem. Of course, there’s that whole stinking thing to contend with, but hey, you can’t have everything, right?
Oh, and you are a very talented complainer!
Comment by tinsenpup — August 5, 2008 @ 2:32 am
That’s great! Why do they always change stuff or discontinue my favorites? Gad, it’s just like television programming!!
Comment by pam — August 5, 2008 @ 6:06 am
Sock it to ‘em, Stinky!
Comment by Tanya Kyi — August 5, 2008 @ 8:21 am
Kuku Coco Butter…
My favorite.
I really think you have a future ahead of you as an antiperspirant namer.
Comment by San Diego Momma — August 5, 2008 @ 11:10 am
Thank you. I have “Lilac Perfusion Mist-ifier”, “Richard Persimmon”, “Raspberry Pineapple Guava Split”, and “I’m Using Grapefruit So I Smell Extra Tart Today” on board, with a couple more yet to come.
I really wish I could claim authorship of the Kuku Coco Butter, but I can’t. Even that one took me by surprise. Sneaky bastards. Hard to hate ‘em when they give us comic shit like that.
Comment by DaGoddess — August 5, 2008 @ 11:15 am
I hear you! It’s hard enough to know what the hell they smell like with those vague, nondescript names, and then when you finally find one that doesn’t make you smell like Nair, they go and change it on ya. I wonder who’s responsible? I’ll sick my stinky dog on ‘em!
Comment by Erin — August 5, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
Erin, please have the dog roll around in the most offensive piles you can find before you send the Wonderpup to do my bidding. Maybe then we’ll get results.
Comment by DaGoddess — August 5, 2008 @ 6:30 pm
[...] since I complained so much about the deodorant earlier, I thought I’d offer up visual proof of my major confusion and general dismay. Look [...]
Pingback by DaGoddess.com » Idling at the Depot — August 5, 2008 @ 7:35 pm