2013/12/30

Can’t Hardly Wait

Da Goddess @ 12:12

…til college football is over.

Don’t get me wrong, I like football. But, I’ve reached my limit on the Lisa Frank sticker books they call helmets these days. I know, I know. They’ve been doing this for years. The thing is, it’s gone too far. When you see helmets almost completely covered by stickers, it seems a bit overkill.

Seems to me this sticker reward system is out of control and needs to be rethought.

Okay, so let’s break this down.

In most cases, stickers are awarded for on-field outstanding plays. I get that. Some teams also award stickers for excellence during practice. Huh? Some award stickers for academic achievements. Uh, okay, though there are so few academic stickers. That still begs the question of why? WHY? It smacks of patting a child on the head for peeing in the potty. Or worse, trophies for everyone who just happened to show up. Or it’s like basketball. Too many points. If points are that easy to get, why not make the game more challenging so the points actually mean something? How about this as an example? Some poker tournaments tout the number of chips in the millions (which don’t equal actual dollars). At some point, once you get over x number of chips, they lose meaning. 34,820,109 chips! Ooooh! He’s betting all of ‘em! Yeah, but what are their actual value? And that’s where these helmet stickers now reside. In Excess Land.

Again, it seems to me this sticker reward system is out of control and needs to be rethought and revised.

Look, we’re talking about GROWN MEN here. Collecting stickers. Why not just go whole hog and really get Lisa Frank rainbow farting unicorns for the helmets? Teams could buy in bulk and schools could save lots of money that could then be used on other programs…or lower tuition.

If you’re going to award stickers to players, make ‘em count. Use them for extraordinary achievements on the field. Not practice. Not the classroom (that’s for parents and teachers to do). And don’t call catching a ball or scoring a touchdown “extraordinary” because, let’s face it, a football player is SUPPOSED to catch a ball, score touchdowns, protect the quarterback, tackle, etc. Extraordinary achievement on the field stickers should be awarded for actions that aren’t part of normal play. Like, perhaps, carrying a teammate off the field after he’s been hard hit. Reviving a downed player. Preventing a drunk fan from getting in his car and plowing into someone after the game. Okay, that, technically, is off-field, but if the player climbed into the stands during the game, I’d go along with that.

Coaches, let’s be real. No player really needs these stickers. No player really earns these stickers when all they’re doing is THEIR JOB on the field.

In the everyday world, the vast majority of us don’t get stickers for simply doing what we’re meant to do. If we did, mothers, fathers, teachers, doctors, nurses, cops, firefighters, our armed forces, etc. everywhere would have to wear entire suits made of stickers for what they accomplish each and every single day.

Let’s leave the stickers for children who need incentive to use the potty, read a book, clean their rooms, or go a whole day without pulling someone’s hair or biting a friend.

Until this sticker trend is revised, I’m only going to root for teams who DON’T use them. So, college teams, you’re on notice. If you want this gal cheering you on, you have until next year to get this shit figured out.

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