Da Goddess

A simple line spoken from a silly TV character. But the impact. Oh, the impact.

I have a confession for y’all. I’d fallen in love a few months back. Didn’t say anything about it because the man with whom I’d fallen in love didn’t know and I didn’t think it was right to blog about it when he didn’t even know, you know? But there I was: in love. He did a little disappearing act. Perhaps he sensed my feelings and disappearing was his way of avoiding having to deal with that. Or maybe he just figured if he wasn’t around, I’d simply fall out of love along the way. Thing is, I didn’t. And he showed up again. He uttered those sweet three words to me one day and my tongue froze, my BRAIN froze so I said nothing, but my heart wanted to shout them back to him in absolute joy. Yet, I didn’t.

I didn’t say anything until a few weeks later and then it was, apparently, too late. The window had closed. The door slammed shut. The taxi pulled away from the curb with a terrible squeal of tires and a cloud of dust. And I cried. Because I truly didn’t believe I would love someone again or that when I did, when I finally said those words — to someone who had just recently said them to me — that I’d be left with nothing but a few memories and a broken heart. The tears…they were a sight to behold! Thought I was all mature and chill about it until the great flood of Las Vegas 2011 was unleashed. I couldn’t help it. Disappointment cut deep and I wasn’t prepared for the reaction I got. Not at all.

It’s true, though. All true. And I don’t know that I’ll get over this one easily. I took my time getting to know him, getting to love all his personality quirks, our odd way of communicating, our ease in just being together, learning to trust that he’d be there when I’d call, laughing over the same things, marveling over the things he brought to my life, etc. You know, all the things that are important when you’re getting to know someone. I took my time and falling for him was gradual and natural and really kind of lovely.

When he disappeared, I worried. When he returned, I rejoiced. Now he’s gone again and my heart hurts because I don’t believe there’s another reappearance in our future. I’d give anything for that, but let’s face it, it’s not how things usually work. At least not for me.

All I know is that he’s a special man and I was ready for him, to be there for him, to give him all of me, to cook and clean and do whatever he wanted to help make his life as special as he is, as easy as it should be.

Kind of funny that you get to that point and suddenly the rug is pulled out from under you. “If you can get over the heartbreak…” there are supposed to be other opportunities. I think it’s going to take me a long time to get over this one. This man. I’m going to miss him in the worst way.