Da Goddess

Don’t mind me. I’m going to sit here and think about Rob today. I’m going to mentally bitch him out for cuttin’ out early, although when I really started feeling that and got grumbly inside, my computer freaked out, proving once again that Rob is never far away.

Last year, I was sitting in a bar with a friend who is, shall we say…sensitive to the otherworld, and I kept feeling as though Rob were there, too, when Max asked, “did you feel that? Who is that?” I said something flippant, like, “don’t mind my friend Rob, he’s just hanging out tonight.” Max laughed, relieved that he wasn’t alone in sensing a presence and to hear it was someone I knew. Max is also the same person reminded me in an odd way of Rob. He’s off wandering the desert, searching for himself or something.

And Rob, well, all any of us have are memories of a man who left us occasionally cursing at our computers, laughing ourselves silly, or scratching our heads in confusion. But mostly, when all is said and done, he’s a man who made each of us fall in love with him and then left us before too many of us could disappoint or hurt him as he’d already felt too deeply once. It was that once that was too much for him.

I think about him at the strangest times. Watching a gorgeous woman strut her stuff on stage, singing with a gorgeous voice, I think, “ohhh, now Rob would REALLY love her!” Or I look at something as silly as an onion and remember acutely how wonderful the vidalia onion felt on my tongue as I sat in his garage, watching a storm roll in. Other times, I’m digging through my contact list on my phone and see his number. I think, “wouldn’t it be great to call it and hear his voice again? To tell stories and make each other laugh?”

Oh, Rob! (I feel like Laura Petrie saying that.) I miss you today and every day.

“There’s a time for every star” and I guess all it takes is for me to look up into the heavens and watch you shine.

Here’s a post with videos of Rob.

Excuse me while I go have a little cry and then laugh over some stupid thing I remember. (It’s gonna be that kind of day.)

“Another day goes on by
And he never speaks his heart
He takes his chance with what he’s got
It’s too late now to stop

You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It’s tying you up while you’re fadin’
You give and you take and take what you got
Round and round ’till it breaks and
You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It’s tying you up while you’re fadin’ into your lie”

While I know the sound quality on the video isn’t the greatest, Nikka’s face is too amazing to not watch. There’s a sense of loss and heartbreak she conveys that fits what I know a lot of us feel, so, there you have it.

And my final video for the day, as I wipe away tears:

I wanted to post others that were maybe more “Rob”, but I’ve watched them all and they only make me miss him more. So, I’m going with the ones that help me work this out of my system.