Showing My Ass
Gah, sometimes I’m so dense.
You know how it is. You blog. You write stuff. You vent. You work through all the garbage floating around in your head. It’s what you do. And I’ve been doing this for…8 1/2 years? Yeah. That long. And still I’ve not learned my lesson. That lesson being: doesn’t matter that you think something is anonymous and just rambling, working things out sort of writing. People will eventually stumble upon what you write and see that you’ve written about them and be hurt.
I feel shitty for hurting someone’s feelings. Really shittty. To the point where I want to vomit. (Y’all know how much I hate vomit, right?) I’ve apologized, but I know that’s not enough. You can’t unhurt someone’s feelings with handful of I’m sorries. It doesn’t work that way.
How many times have I censored myself here? For how many people? Yeah. I’ve done it willingly, too, because I’d rather not hurt other people. But when I open my mouth and insert my foot, I do it in the most idiotic way.
So, like everything else, I’m blathering on to try and wrap my head around being so stupid.
As a dear friend told me, “Anyone who knows you knows you wouldn’t intentionally hurt the feelings of someone you care about.” That’s true. Still doesn’t make it unhappen. And as a childhood friend just told me, “you can only learn”, and that’s what I hope to do.
Consider me a work in progress.
I too try to censor myself to avoid hurt feelings in case someone I know just happens to find my blog, but I don’t apologize for expressing myself. That is why I have the option of locking posts and giving the keys to only select people. I’ve also decided that there are a few people who would likely be hurt and critique me no matter what I said or wrote. I do try to take such things into consideration, but I refuse to be muzzled on my own blog.
Comment by diamond dave — 2010/10/04 @ 04:16
For anything involving them, it’s locked. For family, it’s locked. For this situation? It didn’t seem likely he’d see it and I didn’t think I needed to password protected. But shit happens.
Comment by DaGoddess — 2010/10/04 @ 05:03
What blogger doesn’t censor themselves? For some of us it means not writing about family and friends at all.
Every once in a while, though, things come spilling out… I know you’re sorry you hurt someone’s feelings… but you have feelings too. Don’t beat yourself up too much.
:hug:
Comment by pam — 2010/10/04 @ 06:20
“Consider me a work in progress.”
Shit, aren’t we all?
:cocktail:
Comment by Jan — 2010/10/04 @ 13:22
:grouphug:
I love all y’all!
Comment by Da Goddess — 2010/10/04 @ 18:09