Baby Got Balls
“How big is your bladder?” my dear son asked me one night a few weeks back.
I told him it all depended on how much urine the bladder was holding. “It’s like a balloon. If there’s a lot of fluid in it, it gets big. If there’s not a lot in there, it’s smaller.”
“So, if it’s empty, how big?” he asked.
I made a circle with my thumb and index finger. “About this big most likely. Why?”
He looked at me with all the seriousness an 8-year old can muster. “Well, I have these two things that are like balls down here…” patting his groin.
I had to keep myself from laughing as I moved his hand up just a little higher. “This is where your bladder is. Those ‘balls’ are your testicles, sweetie. And, guess what? Some people do call them balls.”
“They do?”
“Yes, they do.”
Mr. Wide Eyes then asked what testicles are for.
“Your testicles produce sperm when you get a little older. Sperm is half of what is needed to make a baby.” I figured I’d offer up a little more information because I knew he’d ask.
“How does the sperm get from your testicles to where the baby is made?” Little Dude asked.
“Inside your body are these little tiny tubes that are all coiled up. They go from your testicles, meet up just below your penis, and then there’s just one tube. It takes the sperm from there to the end of your penis. It comes out there.”
LD didn’t believe me. He started to ask another question and stopped. Several times.
I asked him if he wanted to know more.
He looked at me and frowned. “Is this the part where girls are involved?”
“Yes.”
“No, thanks. I’m done for now. I just really wanted to know if these balls were where all my pee is stored.”
“Nope, not there, buddy.”
“Okay, good. I don’t think I want to be playing with these if that’s where the urine is. I didn’t want to squeeze them and end up peeing my pants because of it.”
“Oh, okay.” What else could I say? “Um, just make sure, if you’re going to play with them that you do it at home and not out in public, okay?”
“No way, Mom! I wouldn’t do that. These are mine. I don’t want anyone else to see them.”
Yeah, yeah. He says that now. In a couple of years it’ll be a different story. And I’ll be ready to deal with that when the time comes.
Boys are so much fun.
Ha! That has to be the funniest (in a nice kind of way!) thing I’ve read in a long, long time. Sounds like you handled the situation superbly, Joanie!
Comment by Roscoe — 2005/04/23 @ 20:34
oh man…can I use that bit when my little one asks? That was great!
Comment by Amanda — 2005/04/23 @ 20:58
That’s great. It’s hard to keep your face straight sometimes, isn’t it? You did bloody brilliantly!
Comment by Rae — 2005/04/23 @ 22:52
You have the coolest kid.
And what a cool answer. Go you.
Comment by caltechgirl — 2005/04/24 @ 08:22
Excellent answers! If only all parents could be so graceful under fire!
Comment by Janette — 2005/04/24 @ 16:46
I am facing a class of 5th graders, and the required human development talk, for next year. I am terrified. Striking the balance between relaxing humor and serious facts is so tricky. I think you’ve got it down pat.
Comment by Sol — 2005/04/24 @ 19:01
Soda just came out of my nose… that really hurts.
Comment by Nick — 2005/04/24 @ 19:58
Hilarious and a great job!
Comment by Susan — 2005/04/24 @ 19:59
Oh, wow…Great job setting the record straight for LD. How cool he talks to you like that.
Comment by Gardenwife — 2005/04/25 @ 21:35
Nicely done.
Comment by Jim - PRS — 2005/04/26 @ 00:49
Oh my … lol! You DO know that he is going to hate you for this entry, right?
IAE, when MY boy was around two, BD and explained to him that it was rude to touch one’s self in public, but that he could do it as much as he liked in the privacy of his room.
My mother lost her MIND. To think that we were giving the child actual permission to … well … YOU KNOW.
Comment by jl — 2005/04/26 @ 12:03
OMG! That is hilarious! You need to remember this story for the day he has kids.
Comment by yayaempress — 2005/04/26 @ 12:10
That is hilarious. OMG!
Comment by Madame Butterfly — 2005/04/26 @ 15:24
I’m at a loss for words. You are BOTH awesome!
Comment by M+ — 2005/04/26 @ 16:10
Wonderful!!! (I say that as I pick myself off the floor and wipe the tears away)
Having raised only girls I am fascinated by what boys ask.
Hee hee… I remember when each of the girls got old enough to ask me questions about male “equipment”
“How do they stand it to walk with that between their legs??”
Comment by Darleen — 2005/04/27 @ 18:53
Darleen, I still wonder that, and I’m nearly 40!
Comment by Gardenwife — 2005/04/27 @ 22:37
I’m lucky (for me anyways) that my wife was prepared to inform our kid as to the what-goes-where-and-why lecture on the birds-N-bees.
My daughter then asked ‘You and Dad aren’t going to show me, are you?’
‘No!’
‘Good.’….
Comment by Mad Mikey — 2005/04/29 @ 16:35
oh. my. God.
That was the funniest thing I’ve seen in so long I can’t even compare.
Comment by Jim S — 2005/05/06 @ 10:25
They’re coming to get you*
The funniest thing I’ve read in like forever… Da Goddess: April 2005 Archives He looked at me with all the seriousness an 8-year old can muster. “Well, I have these two things that are like balls down here…” patting his…
Comment by JimSpot — 2005/05/06 @ 10:33