Finally found the latest episode of Deadliest Catch online and it was devastating to watch. LD chose not to watch so he quietly sat near me and held my hand whenever I started to cry. And I did cry.
As a parent, as a child, I totally got where both Jake and Phil were coming from, but it didn’t help knowing somehow that Jake had just said goodbye to his father face to face for the last time and that Phil was giving him his blessing to learn how to live life sober and without a father.
While I’m sure that much of the editing this season was done to emphasize Phil’s ultimate fate, the simple fact is that he gave voice to the knowledge that time was running out and somehow he felt it. It weighed on him. And all the pressure on the boys was for their sake as well as his. His desire to see his sons succeed seemed to be at the forefront of his mind.
Then Josh getting the call that he needed to return to the hospital because Phil had an “event”…just as he was returning with his dad’s lucky necklace…too much. But the clincher was Josh calling Jake to tell him their dad was gone.
Every time I think I’m done shedding tears, something strikes me again in a new way and I’m back at it. LD’s never far away and offers me a smile or a hug. He’s decided he’ll watch the whole season at once on DVD. I get that. By then, he hopes Phil’s death will be less shocking.
Don’t even start me on the Johnny Cash. I’ll lose it again.