2005/04/01

TGIF

DaGoddess @ 20:10

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her sorority sisters she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que, take in a bona fide rodeo, and have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared.

“Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it’s oh so good. The taste is unbelievable! And, I went to a real rodeo…Talk about athletes! Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop then jump off the horses and grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!”

They then asked, “Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?

“Are you kidding? Once I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!”

—————-
A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my family jewels inside. The gator will close his mouth for one full minute. Then he’ll open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval. The Cajun stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts into the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the assembly gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised.

The patrons cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up… “I’ll try it! Just don’t hit me so hard with the beer bottle!”
—————-

Sorry for the lack of posts and the ongoing lack of blogroll. I’ve had one of the worst weeks yet since I hurt my back. Everything that’s been posted this week has taken days to put together. I’ll give you the full rundown on what’s up with the back next week after my doctor’s appointment. The blogroll and the rest of my site design are at the mercy of those who know more about these things than I do. Skits kept me up and running. Mox has given up on the archives. Darling Anton is toiling away at them when he gets the chance. I may just have to run and help him with a project of his one of these days. Anyone else with experience and willing to try is welcome to email me at dagoddess – a.t. – gmail – dot – com.

In the meantime, click here to listen to some great music!

5 Comments

  1. Welcome back to blogging Goddess. I’ll link to you. I have a new site as well.

    Comment by Zelda — 2005/04/01 @ 20:58

  2. Hey, kid. Sorry to hear you’re not doing well. But I see you’re well enough to offend blondes, cowboys, Texans, Cajuns, and alligators all in one post. You rawk, gur! Hope you get to feeling better soon!

    Comment by David Kilpatrick — 2005/04/02 @ 11:32

  3. welcome back.

    Comment by mlah — 2005/04/02 @ 19:41

  4. Feel better soon!

    Comment by Howard McEwen — 2005/04/04 @ 05:08

  5. For those of you that might be scratching your head about the “outline” thing in the cowboy joke…an amazing number of men down here use smokeless tobacco in the form of Skoal or Copenhagen. (Yes, MajorDad1984 used to DIP Skoal…even though I’m not a native and owns a number of old pairs of jeans that have the tell tale, 3″ diameter ring on the left rear pocket)

    So…it’s about size after all.

    See you on the high ground!

    MajorDad1984

    Comment by MajorDad1984 — 2005/04/07 @ 14:44

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