Da Goddess

If you are waiting for a photo from me, please forgive the delay (especially my dear lady). I have to take my computer in to be properly calibrated because it appears that I cannot do it the right way myself. I’ve been going back and forth with the lab for about a month on exactly what’s wrong.

I sent them files. They sent me prints. Their fix is “okay”, but falls short when I’ve done more than just a tweak or two. I even tried a couple other labs. Same issue. So each of them sent me files to adjust and send back to them. (thinking that we could calibrate that way somehow), which they then printed and sent to me. Still not right.

Very frustrating process. I even asked a few times if they thought I should take the computer in and have someone else make the adjustments. “No, this should work fine. It works fine for everybody we deal with.” Ha! They’ve never dealt with me. They don’t know that I’m technically inept; that I’m a technotard. They laughed. And then finally, after more than a month with the one company, they gave in and said, “perhaps you should have someone else take a look at what you’re doing. Maybe there’s something ‘we’ve’ missed.” Yes, they went into “we” territory. You know, that patronizing tone that suggests they may have had something to do with the problem, but we all know the problem originates here between the user and the keyboard.

Unfortunately, that adjustment may have to wait until after my trip to Alaska. Hey, it’s a quick trip and I may return with photos that require NO post processing and that will wow you all so much that simply forget about Death Valley and beg for photos of The Mighty Fairbanks Region! You might fall so in love with my photos that you will be me to foresake further work on DV and work only about the glorious scenery of northern climes. You’ll ask for a book. Yes, I can see how that would happen. And you’ll all be so impressed that you’ll immediately demand I return later in the year to witness and capture the northern lights (for my sequel, of course). At this point, National Geographic will really call and offer to send me there in conjunction with Canon and lots of gear that they think I’ll need, paying me to play. They’ll even send me with a master photographer as part of an experiment. I’ll become rich and lavish each of my supportive friends with endless gifts to the point where they actively start filing restraining orders because I won’t leave them alone. And they can’t find any spare space in their homes for more images.

Yeah, that’ll happen. I feel it… it looms just over the horizon. I can even hear it calling me… “Hello!” I call. “Hell….looooon looooooon” it responds. Hey? Did that echo just call me a loon? Did it? I’m trackin’ that fucker down and beating him/it senseless. I’m not a loon! I’m a princess. A rugged princess. With talent! And a dream. And really the only way I play out the princess part is by wearing a pink and purple fur tiara that matches my pink and purple cold weather clothes. Hmmmph! Sigh.

Anyway, if you’re waiting for your image, that’s what the deal is. My apologies to you for the delay. And for not opening a can of whoop ass on the “customer service” reps sooner because if I had, they’d have realized much sooner what I knew deep in my heart was the issue all along (but that I secretly hoped for ONCE would be proven wrong).

In defense of the labs, everyone I spoke with was polite, non-accented, or only slightly accented, patient, talked to me as they would a 3 year old (because I asked them to), and really went out of their way to help me figure this out. They wanted very much to help me avoid going in and spending money on a service if they could help me fix it their way, which was actually quite awesome of them.

It’s just me. I was the wrong cog…I was gumming up progress.

We’ll get this right. We will!

And until then, I must ask for your incredible patience.