You’re All Banned!

DaGoddess @ 04:00

From appearing on any so-called reality television shows.

Yes, I’m empirically forbidding each of you from ever appearing on a reality TV program. Why? Because I’m a mean mommy. But really, it’s because I want to spare you — and by that, I mean spare ME — the embarrassment of looking like 1) a total fool, 2) a total ass, 3) a totally foolish ass, and/or 4) being so digitally manipulated that you no longer resemble yourself.

The StuporWhat? Huh? Look at this ad for the insipid new show The Cougar. Anyone watching TVLand has seen the ridiculous commercials for this insipid show and knows this is NOT what that woman actually looks like. Even worse, the premise, while one would think it’s all light-hearted, is ludicrous. Yes, single women over 40 ARE dating younger men, but the ones they’ve picked for this show? Puhleeze! If Miss Thang is desperate enough to go swimming around in that testosterone-filled pool, she needs psychological help, not dating assistance.

I have nothing against most reality-based TV programming except when it ends up on TVLand or is at least a bit more honest. I go to TVLand to escape the idiocy that is “reality” programming. I stopped watching The Bachelor, Big Brother, and most other such shows because they weren’t about real people interacting. They became all about who could be the most outrageous and get the most press. TVLand was my refuge from this crap. But now, look at that photo! It’s as fake as the damn show itself. (Or as fake as I hope the show is, because the vast majority of single 40+ women would NEVER put themselves on TV or want to appear to come across in that particular manner.)

High School Reunion was just as bad. Look, my 25 year reunion is coming up this summer and none of us will be creating near the drama that went on with that show. That sort of thing didn’t even happen at my 10 year reunion. Do people really want to come across like their growth was stunted and they’ve never managed to get past high school? Do they? They must. Or they must have a very low level of shame. Or they need the money terribly.

You know, even though I could totally use the money, you’d never catch me on one of these shows. You know what show I would do? If VH1 brought back The Shot I’d totally do that. I would also gladly appear on What Not To Wear. In fact, that would be my first choice. Of course, I wouldn’t be one of Stacy and Clinton’s bitchy and bratty guests, but I would be a little sassy. I’d also love to do a show like the Amazing Race. Without the running, though. I don’t run. I don’t need the black eyes (you have noticed the rack, right?).

I would never do a show where you were made to look like a horny, shameless, stupid, foolish, ridiculous, desperate person. I would never do a show where you end up feeling like you need a shower afterward. I’d never do a show that would embarrass my kids.

Of course, if you’re the producer of such a show and you’re willing to make me a generous offer, I might reconsider.


  1. Haven’t seen it and not interested. I watch House, Bones and 24. Other than that, the tv is off or I’m streaming something from Netflix. Usually an old britcom. Love the britcoms!

    Comment by Pam — 2009/04/15 @ 08:12

  2. The Cougar premieres tonight and I, for one, am NOT watching. It’s so unbecoming and it amounts to little more than a cheap attempt to make women over 40 look engaging. The cougar thing is so overdone at this point, you know?

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/04/15 @ 08:14

  3. Oh, I have gotten SO tired of the previews for this… they’ve even bombarded the likes of the advertisements during online game loading! It’s really sad when I have to try and explain why the show is named “The Cougar” to my three year old, since he declares that there are NO COUGARS, just a woman and some men in the preview. ROFL

    Comment by Larissa — 2009/04/15 @ 10:49

  4. That’s funny, Larissa! And yet, it’s also damn sad. It’s one reason I dislike TVLand’s “reality” programming. And don’t forget, we still have the “first loves” show coming up. That’ll be fun. NOT.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/04/15 @ 14:30

  5. Your 25-year reunion? Bitch. My 30 was last year.



    Comment by Cheri @ Blog This Mom! — 2009/04/15 @ 14:44

  6. Oh. And despite how I may seem when I’m discussing hot toe doctors? Cougars are yuck.

    Comment by Cheri @ Blog This Mom! — 2009/04/15 @ 14:44

  7. 30? Really? I’d have never guessed (and yes, I’ve met your kids). You’re just youthful and fantastic!

    Call me bitch all you want, but make sure you call me :princess: Princess Bitch, thankyouverymuch.

    Hot Toe Doc must hang out with Hot Back Doc.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/04/15 @ 15:52

  8. I agree. I like to watch TV to escape, and if it is going to be fiction then it may as well be well-written, interesting, and not pathetic!

    I think reality TV has become much like the Jerry Springer Show, for the most part.

    Comment by Jason — 2009/04/16 @ 13:01

  9. Precisely. Fame whores are becoming a bit too unbecoming.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/04/16 @ 15:53

  10. […] once forbid all my friends from appearing on reality TV…Tila is a prime example of why you should all want to stay away […]

    Pingback by DaGoddess.com » Quickies — 2009/09/08 @ 23:19

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