2009/03/24

PROMPTuesday #48 – It Ain’t Me

DaGoddess @ 02:24

There’s a blog proposal about to happen and I know it’s not happening to me. Still, I like to believe that love is possible and love is grand. Honest! I’m not nearly as jaded nor as disbelieving as I pretend to be.

Luckily, this post also counts as a PROMPTuesday entry.

I remember the one proposal I had that actually led to marriage. (There have been others, but all were called off for one reason or another.) But at one time I did walk down the aisle. Yep. And I remember how it felt to see someone before me on bended knee, how it felt on my wedding day, and how, for a while, it was good.

The funny thing about the proposal from my ex is that it came about in an odd way. It was Christmas Day 1994. We were at my sister and brother-in-law’s old house. The presents had all been opened, the paper picked up and thrown away, Mojo was running around having a good time, and the man and I were in the living room putting toys and other gifts in bags for easier loading into the car later. I looked at the man and asked, “so are we going to Mr. and Mrs. next year or are we going to continue to be just ‘You’ and ‘Me’?” It was a rather big question because I’d uprooted my daughter and our home in Colorado to move back to San Diego because of him (and because I missed my family, if I’m being 100% honest). He looked at me and said, “we’ll always be ‘You’ and ‘Me’, but I know there’s a Mr. and Mrs. in our future.”

I’d given my mom a date book for Christmas so we grabbed that and started looking through it to see when might be a good time. We picked a date: September 23. It was the first day of autumn and it was also the day after his mom and dad had been married. We also chose the date because it was out of the prime wedding season, which is when my brother-in-law is always booked and we wanted him, and only him, to shoot the wedding. So, we had the date and then we began loading vehicles with presents to clear the house out a little. It was also an excuse for the man to talk to my dad about us getting married. My dad was thrilled. He hugged us both and then sent us off to talk to my mom. The man got tongue tied and ended up asking for my mom’s hand in marriage, but once he got it all straightened out, it was okay. My mom wasn’t as enthused as my dad was and we had a bit of a discussion. She was worried we were rushing things. Having known the man for ten years already (though our dating history had been rather on/off/on/off and eventually ceded to friendship), I was confident we were heading in the right direction. Not so much. But that’s a different story.

Eventually, once my mom and dad had been notified, the man got down on one knee and proposed to me in the studio in front of everyone. I still have photos of that moment, too. Mojo was excited that we (she and I) were going to marry the man she had chosen as her “Daddy” (forget the father she knew, she wanted the man as her daddy).

We went shopping for a ring the next day, I believe, and while the man was convinced he needed to spend a lot for a ring, I bristled and said, “I want something small, tasteful, and uncomplicated. I’m always having to pull gloves on or off at work. I don’t want to not be able to wear my ring all the time.” So I got a small diamond. All three rings — engagement, plus his and hers wedding bands — were less than $400. I was happy and I know he heaved a huge sigh of relief.

I remember the moment the wedding band was placed on my finger, 13 1/2 years later, even though we’re no longer together. It meant the world to me then and I would hope that I will feel that way again someday, standing before some officiant, pledging my undying love for someone. (I didn’t pledge anything last time as it was a Greek Orthodox ceremony and you don’t say anything at all during one of those!)

Anyhow, to whomever is receiving the proposal, I wish you all the love and luck in the world. My advice: Don’t hesitate to take a chance on love just because some people get divorced. All that proves is that some unions weren’t as solid as they should have been in the first place. Don’t be afraid of love. And don’t forget to work on it every single day. When you make that commitment, make it fully and don’t be afraid of the bad times. You will get through them, especially if you have chosen well. You better believe I’ll choose well next time and I’ll commit fully. I believe in love that much.

Now, when do we get to find out who this is?

7 Comments

  1. I like the part where the man asks for your mother’s hand in marriage.

    Your advice is excellent. Marriage is something you have to work on every day – and if you miss a few days, it’s a bit rough building a bridge, but it can be done.

    Comment by Chris — 2009/03/24 @ 06:46

  2. At least you’ll never lose the magic of the proposal and wedding… :hug:

    Comment by Pam — 2009/03/24 @ 07:00

  3. Heya Miss Goddess!

    Even David Letterman succumbed to the marriage gods, after 23 years. Your advice is sound. I think I need to take it (since my marriage is a “thing” rather like the coffee table is a “thing,” and I don’t dust it, either).

    Where the hell is my duster? ;)

    Comment by foolery — 2009/03/24 @ 09:53

  4. September 23: My parent’s wedding day.
    But that’s neither here nor there.

    I love how you are able to share this story without bitterness or regrets. And I’m also glad you are willing to take a chance of love again. THAT will be some lucky guy.

    Comment by San Diego Momma — 2009/03/24 @ 10:00

  5. This is a great post – and good advice.

    I’m with you… when do we find out who’s getting married?

    Comment by Blognut — 2009/03/24 @ 13:22

  6. Great advice. The proposal…http://proposalplan.blogspot.com/

    Comment by texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana — 2009/03/24 @ 18:05

  7. Thank you, all. You know, bitterness doesn’t serve anyone well in the long run. We have children to parent and so you have to figure out how to at least coexist on the same planet. As for being willing to take that chance again? Why not? Just because it didn’t work the first time doesn’t mean it won’t work the next time.

    Comment by DaGoddess — 2009/03/24 @ 18:10

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