Da Goddess

“Let’s organize a holiday where everyone dresses up like monsters, and we give food to people who are hungry instead of garbage bags full of candy to impressionable children.”

Doesn’t that make much more sense?

Also:

“When you meet someone for the first time instead of asking them what they do, you should ask them what they’ve always wanted to do. This conversation will be much more interesting.”

That works for me.

Today has been a contentious day. To the point where I got really pissed at two people I love. That’s so not me. But I’m tired and on a roll with cleaning my dad’s house. I don’t need or want interference, you know?

Still, my sister came over and she started cleaning what I’d already cleaned and then I lost it. Like I said, I’m tired. And she didn’t like my music. So I lost it. Again: tired. I told her to just go home. I could do this all by myself. I even cried a bit. I’m tired! It took four separate “go homes” before she left. Oh, and there was the washing machine leak that she said she saw when she first got there but didn’t mention until a couple hours later. WTF? That ticked me off. Cuz…

Did I mention I was tired?

Then my friend was supposed to come down to bring me one of my hard drives he had. He’d been looking at photos to help me get my portfolio together. He didn’t show up. I got mad. I’m tired. Four and a half hours and thirty excuses later, still no hard drive and no sign of relief. I got madder. I told him off. He hung up. I got even madder! I’m fuckin’ tired. He called back and mumbled something, then hung up again. I called him back and left a message. It was polite but my point was made. I was mad. And I’m so tired, it’s just plain scary.

Two pissy texts later, I feel even worse. I’ve told my friend off. But it doesn’t feel good. He’s supposed to be my business partner (yeah, we’re working on setting up a biz) and this is where we’re at after three weeks? Ugh. Granted, we’ve both had busy and shitty weeks, but STILL! And guess what? We’re tired.

I’ve decided my only means of conflict resolution is a lengthy conversation with Jim Beam. After that, I’m going to tweeze my ultra white eyebrow hair and try drowning myself in the water leaking from the washing machine.

Other than that, I’ve had a great fucking day.

Except, I’m still tired.

Dad did very well with his surgery and ate a great dinner that same night.

Today he had physical therapy and occupational therapy — TWICE! Knocked him out so I didn’t go see him today. Nope. I had planned to go but then fate intervened.

Keep reading for the fun and excitement of a lifetime!

So, DG, how did you spend your day? “Well, I was on my way to see my attorney and get a new doctor for my back. Things were going rather slowly, but I called in and told them I was running late. I got in the car and noticed parts of Poway were flooded, adjusted my course, and went on. Had to do this several times. No big deal.Then I get onto the freeway and things are going well. I’m watching the traffic and marveling over how much better California drivers are than Las Vegas drivers in the pouring rain. (It’s only won by the thinnest margins, folks) All of a sudden, I hear the most god-awful noise coming from the car. I’m in the far left lane and sandwiched between the regular freeway traffic and the HOV lane traffic. The car DIES. D.E.D…dead!!! (Bonus pts to whoever knows where that’s from) Anyhow I get out of the car and look under it. Dark red fluid pouring out. Hadn’t hit anything or anyone. “Sniff sniff” Oh shit! Smells like transmission fluid. Kinda explains why I can’t get the car to move at all. Only four and a half inches separate me from rest of the traffic. Hmmm, not a good place to be, but at least I can call the attorney and reschedule. Finally get ahold of someone who can come help me: My big sis. We get AAA involve. Get the car towed. The guys at the garage ask what happen. And they say, well, it’s a broken left front axle that severed the transmission line.”

[*THUD!*]

Yeah that was my head hitting the table. Again.

Just glad it didn’t happen while My dad was driving!

I finished my day off by getting a ride from my ex-husband from Walmart to the school to get LD, then to the florist shop to watch young LD pick out his first corsage for a nice young lady, then dropped off at Miss Patty’s for a trip out to the beach to watch the sunset. She had two cameras so I didn’t need one. We met a nice photog out there, talked, laughed, met dogs, laughed some more. And finally got back to Poway and the rain. My dad doesn’t know about his car, and hopefully he’ll never find out. And now really for super sure, I’m asking for donations to help me cover the damage to the car. So far, my sis and bro-in-law are taking care of it, but that’s just not right. I may have a job coming up but that’s not going to pay for anything for at least another two weeks!

Yeah, so today was your basic average day for me.

I don’t understand why more people don’t want to just chill with me. lol

P.S. I also ended up hurting my foot somehow and took my shoe off (in the middle of walmart — Oh! the scandal!!) Nothing in my shoe or on my sock. Finally, pulled my sock off my foot and discovered a nickel was stuck to the bottom of my foot.

I wanted to end up on the people of walmart site, but no one would take a damn photo of me!

If you’re so inclined, a donation to the fix a dad’s car fun would be appreciated.

The young lady with the brain tumor is out of surgery and doing well. The tumor was located near the back of her head and was, according to the doctor, removed sort of like picking a cherry (albeit, a LARGE cherry) from a tree. However, it was an aggressive mass, one of the most aggressive they’ve seen. Heidi’s in a medically induced coma to allow her brain to recover from the surgery. I’m sure radiation and chemo will follow. And from the sound of it, there will be many heads shaved in solidarity.

One surgery down this week. Next to come: my dad.

I love this song. It makes me want to wander about in Carmel or somewhere similar. I want trees and ocean and golden sunlight in my eyes at the end of the day.

One of my best childhood friends got horrific news Friday. Her daughter, age 18, was diagnosed with a large brain tumor.

Poor kid had been having bad headaches for the last year. The pain would ebb a bit but then come back worse than the last time. For the past three weeks, the pain had only gotten worse. By Thursday, I had said she should go to the emergency room. She’d been taking a lot of over-the-counter medications trying to get rid of the headache but it sounded like she was getting a bit toxic from all of it. “Take her to the ER. They won’t turn her away and they have social workers who’ll help her apply for emergency Medicaid.” So, she finally got to the ER on Friday and the news was devastating.

The tumor is large. I’m not sure exactly where it is in her brain, but a tumor in your brain is never good. I’m just waiting for more information and praying that this is operable and that this young woman gets a chance to live a long, healthy, happy life.

Prayers for Heidi are appreciated. Miracles are always welcome, too.

I can’t help myself. After hearing this song during the trailer for The Guilt Trip, I had to look it up online. It’s so damn catchy!

I got in a habit of reading personal ads on Craigslist when I first moved to Vegas. My roommate at the time would read them and be laughing long into the night. It made me curious and I’d sit there with him, reading away.

Haven’t done it for a while, but on sleepless nights, it’s a good way to pass the time. (No, I do NOT answer them, nor do I have need to.)

Anyhow, my current favorite goes like this:

Why You Should Spent the Night

It’s simple. I’m attractive, I’m a great cuddler, I smell good, I love to kiss, and I have AC!!!!! (accompanied by photo of a/c unit with a red heart drawn around it)

How can you not be amused by that? How much you wanna bet his ad reads “has HEAT” when it gets cold out?

The damn bird bit me again! We were having a perfectly wonderful time whistling together when he freakin’ lunged at me and bit me just above the upper lip.

Can you believe that?

I swear, if he weren’t so small I would wring his neck, pluck his feathers, and roast him like a Cornish Game Hen. I threatened to do it, too. He just looked at me as if I were crazy.

He tries this crap again and he’ll see “crazy”.

I was listening to my friend’s CDs last night, just enjoying his music after trying to figure out which song was my favorite. I was asked by another friend to tell him which was the best song and I chose my 7 faves. Technically, I had 20, but that seemed excessive. But I noticed on one of his albums that my song list was off. Waaaay off. The titles didn’t match on the majority of the songs. I looked up the album online and it was also mislabeled. So I spent a good hour listening to every song (oh, the horror! lol) and I rediscovered songs I’d not really listened to carefully over the years, often opting to go right to my faves in the past.

Getting things mixed up isn’t so bad when you get to enjoy solid tunes from someone you truly admire and it’s a good thing to do when you can’t sleep.

Not So Little Dude is 16 today. It hardly seems possible.

Yes, that familiar lament of parents everywhere. “Where did the time go?” I’ve said it over and over again and I still don’t have an answer. One minute he was a baby, the next he’s 5, and suddenly he’s 16.

LD’s always astonished me with his insight, wit, and thoughtfulness. He’s also always had a bit of otherworldly ability. I can’t quite explain it, but he has it. He’s the kid who sits next to someone who’s hurting and they begin to feel better, or at least they become very relaxed. I’ve experienced this. I’ve watched it happen to other people, too. He also knows things he couldn’t possibly know. I remember when he was around 2 and he began asking about our vacation to Rhode Island. Considering that I was only about 4 1/2 months pregnant when his dad and I took the trip, there’s no way he could have known about the trip. Couldn’t know details about Aunt Mary’s house, which fascinated him. And he was also fascinated by a shirt I wore on the trip. Even with a few photos that were tucked away in a filing cabinet, there were none of Mary’s house and basically none of Rhode Island itself. We had photos from Connecticut and Massachusetts, but maybe only one from Rhode Island. And none of the shirt he recalled me wearing. At 2, it’s not like he heard years of stories about the trip. In fact, I don’t think we ever even talked about it. It was largely unremarkable except for the fact that it was during the trip that I first started going into pre-term labor.

This boy’s also very attuned to those who have passed. I can’t explain that either. I do know that he can describe his papou down to the smallest detail, including his voice. It’s not possible at all. He never met the man. LD hasn’t seen any videos or heard recordings of the man, so that’s out as an explanation as well. It’s just a talent he has. Other people may scoff at such things, but I’ve watched him experience this and it actually happens.

Anyhow, that’s my boy. Or at least a facet of him. And he’s 16 today.

I’m proud to call LD my son.

Happy birthday, Little Dude! I love you!

Oh and it makes me cry a little. It reminds me…

Of a man or three.

It reminds me…

How good it can be.

It reminds me…

What it’s like to lose.

It reminds me…

What it’s like to love.

(more…)

My lip is sore and a bit bruised.

Why?

Because my dad’s bird bit it. We were playing and he was being a little turdy bird when he bit it. He’d been fine just moments before, whistling and chirping away. I put him back on his perch and he flew back up onto my shoulder. I turned to look at him and whistle, and the little booger bit me.

Thankfully it’s not too bad. It was more a shock than anything.

Oh, and then he flew out into the hallway, following me. I had to wonder if he was chasing me or if he wanted to play some more.

I wish I were Dr. Doolittle so I could ask him what the hell he was thinking. I can hear it now: “Bitch thought I was having fun with her. She’s whistling and squeaking away at me and I’m trying to tell her to leave me the hell alone. I finally had enough of it and bit her. What’s a bird to do? I could have shit on her, but that’s too subtle and easily cleaned up. Biting is what I do. So I did. And that’s that.”

Yeah, sounds like something he’d say.

The job search is going…albeit slowly. I’ve had a couple interviews and am waiting for callbacks. Still applying everywhere as well.

The search for a place to live also goes…slowly. Hard to get in somewhere when you don’t have a job yet.

My intermittent Internet connection is also very slow. Friends gave me a wireless router but I can’t get it hooked up because my dad’s computer doesn’t seem to have a disk drive. Can’t figure that one out at all.

Other than that, I felt like crap the whole weekend. My back is killing me. My head was killing me. And I lost my Ambien, so sleep wasn’t easy to come by. I also managed to lose my nail scissors, which I’ve had since I was a teenager. These things are awesome and I’ve not ever been able to find anything else like them. My cuticles, of course, look horrendous because of this. Not the best thing when you’re trying to find a job. (I like to look nice and neat.)

Obviously, I’m frustrated and slightly put off by all the irritations. However, I’m alive and back in San Diego, so what do I really have to bitch about?

Oh, and LD’s birthday is on Wednesday. He’ll be 16…SIXTEEN!!! This is not fair. How come everything else goes so slow, but your kids grow so fast? That’s just crap if you ask me.

I’m pretty sure it’s cliche at this point, but I’m ending this post with an overused “SIGH”.

P.S. I’ve officially watched “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Footloose” too many times this weekend. Ugh.