My friends and I went into a studio for a shoot this week. Here are some quick edits from the project. Some of the images are darker on purpose. We wanted to give a little edge to the guitarist and he, in return, gave us so much to work with! He went from sweet to intense in the blink of an eye. Man, this was a good day. We’re going back in to work on more. Different concept, same awesome model.
I was just texting with a couple friends earlier today about the rules I have for them. Conditions of our friendship. As I once stated here on this very blog, the first rule is: No dying. Really simple.
Except that it’s not.
I just received word this evening that a friend of mine passed away. His family found him dead in his bed this morning.
He was the sort of man who you either got or you didn’t. He could be a gloomy Gus or very funny. You either got in good with him or you never understood where he was coming from. We’d sit and talk for hours. We got each other. He was the one who bought LD a practice amp when he won his electric guitar. He was the one who encouraged both LD and I to just play music, whether or not we were any good. And he was the one who often came to my rescue when I needed a ride somewhere.
And then we had a falling out.
I think he knew he was getting sick again. You see, he’d battled cancer for a long time about 20 years ago. It was the sort of cancer most people don’t recover from, especially when it was as widespread as his was and as far along as his was. But he didn’t die. He beat it. He didn’t die when it came back, either. And he beat it again. He didn’t even give in when it cost him his marriage. Cut to 18-20 years later, he was experiencing more and more frequent infections. His moods were dark and heavy and we eventually went our separate ways. Not because I didn’t care that he was ill, but because we both had our own shit to deal with and we were at the point where we were hurting each other. That’s not how either of us wanted to be. It was kinder to walk away.
I didn’t like that we got to that point, but when you’re there, you’re there. I never held against him any of the angry words he spoke or wrote. I don’t know if he carried around animosity toward me. I just wished him better health and happier days. That was about a year ago maybe.
And then the email arrived tonight. “I hate to report this, but Steve was found dead in his bed…” along with the news that his family doesn’t have the money to bury him. I don’t have much, but I will contribute a few dollars because, honestly, his family really didn’t have any money except the little he brought in with his disability/social security and the occasional union gig. He was the sole supporter for his parents and a brother and sometimes even his kids and grandkids. So, yeah, I’m sure I can find a way to help a little. I have to. He went out of his way to make sure LD and I were always recognized for our efforts with our blues group and beyond. And I want him to rest peacefully, you know?
I will miss you, Steve. I hope you find peace and the rest you deserve, as well as freedom from all the pain I know you’ve had over the years. May your heart be light, the path be easy, and may you be welcomed with open arms.
Now, no more dying all the rest of y’all, okay?
In just a few hours, I’ll be heartbroken again. My son will be getting on a plane and heading west. I’ve loved having him here and the time has flown by far too quickly.
In a couple of days, my daughter will be graduating from high school. She’s worked hard this summer to make up for what she didn’t accomplish during the school year. I’m very proud of her. Very proud. But it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to make it back to see her big moment. It breaks my heart to know I’ll be missing a milestone. I want to be there. I want to hug her and tell her how proud I am. I want her to see it in my eyes and hear it in my voice. And damn, now I’m getting all teary.
All of it…time…it just goes too quickly. There’s never enough time to do everything, to be everywhere, to experience all the things you want to experience. The kids grow so fast. The moments rush by in a blur. Memories come and go before you know it.
Had to dig deep in the ol’ databank for these. If anyone else remembers them, I’ll be very surprised. We won’t even discuss the miles of satin on the man.
Got two new tires on the car yesterday. Yay! Back to being able to drive around without fear of a blowout. Saw that happen on the highway last night and it wasn’t pretty.
Had lunch with MOBD and Little Dude over at Famous Dave’s BBQ. Catfish and tri-tip, cornbread, firecracker green beans (with bacon!), and sweet yellow corn. It was delish. Then off to borrow a flash from MBT and shoot with my friend and his daughter. We put the kids together in the photos as much as they could. Miss A is a year or so younger than LD, but she’s just as tall if not taller, funny, sweet, and super pretty. We insisted upon attitude and got it as both are perfectly dramatic when they need to be. Especially when asked to look like they were boyfriend and girlfriend having a fight. LD has asked that I not post the photos on Facebook and I agreed. Kind of. I did not, however, agree to not post them on Flickr or here. Mwahahahaha!
Big bummer last night: I remembered the sparklers, forgot a lighter. And the car lighter didn’t work. So we’ll try again tonight. Also forgot the 10-22mm lens I’d borrowed from MOBD. D’oh! Very blonde. But at least I was out of the house! After being stuck indoors for two days with a migraine, it was good to get out and just do something, you know?
Gotta go get showered and out of the house for some lunch. MBT is owed food and I will make good on that promise. He just saved my butt, so it’s off we go!
As I was coming back from picking up prints for my rocker client, I get out of the car and notice there’s a big ass chunk missing from the tire. I do believe the universe is trying to tell me something.
Oh, and when I got my prints? Problem. They had to reprint all but one.
And the big show we were going to see tonight (comped tickets and all)? Had to cancel. Now way to get the tire fixed and the others replaced before we needed to leave.
Thankfully, LD is okay with it all. And he’s been wonderfully sweet and supportive today. God bless him. God bless Curtis, Brian, Jeff, and Terrell, too, for making me laugh and helping me find center again. And God bless all of you for your kind words and prayers.
I just may make it through this day.
I really, really don’t want this to be a bad day. I want to spend time with my son and enjoy our visit. I want to feel good. I want to be happy. But it’s not a good day and I’m feeling beyond frustrated.
Allow me to elucidate.
The apartment situation from San Diego has become ridiculous. The company that owns the property has…oh, how I want to be polite about this…someone dealing with me who should not be dealing with the public. In our last few phone calls, she’s been snippy and insulting. The owner is out of town, of course. We won’t even discuss the piece of crap who manages the apartment complex. I’m out of patience on this thing. Seriously out of patience and I’m getting nowhere with any of them.
And…I think part two will be password protected…
It would be entirely too easy to point back to my post about Rob for this one, so I’m going to avoid that. I’m actually going to share a little something that hits very close to home. Something that’s been very much on my mind this past week.
Once upon a time, that was Little Dude. Now he’s basically as tall as I am, his voice is deepening, and he’s occasionally selectively deaf to my voice. In other words, he’s a teenager.
I actually started tearing up the other night as I was going through photos of him now and stumbled across photos of him way back when. It seems like yesterday, but it wasn’t.
And then there’s Mojo.
She’s going to officially be graduating from high school next week (finally!) and I want very much to be there. I remember clearly her first day of school and now she’s graduating? How does this happen? Where does the time go? WHY? WHY? WHY?
And then give a big sigh and just accept that time does not stand still. If it did, it would have frozen back when my ass was still fairly tight and relatively small(ish), my breasts were still perky, and my stomach essentially flat.
Now, listen carefully: I don’t like Shania Twain. Or rather, I hated what she became. That super polished and fashion-y poser. The songs below? A look at how good she once was. The second video is one of my early favorites from CMT.
I understand the desire to capitalize on whatever gifts one has been given, but to bank so heavily on looks rather than substance, well, it rubs me the wrong way. Especially because Shania possesses a great deal of talent. Yes, she reached a whole new level of fame and was able to make great money, however there were many people who turned away because they couldn’t just enjoy the music without having all that Twain-ness constantly rubbed in their faces. I was one of those people. Sure, there were a couple songs here and there that I could listen to and separate from her, mostly after I stopped watching any sort of music TV or country awards shows.
Instead of dwelling on the negative, I’ve decided to embrace what I liked most about Shania Twain in the first place.
I ♥ Faces Week 29 entry – obviously Curtis has a lot going on above him. New lights at the Las Vegas Country Saloon made the stage area look like a much larger concert venue and make him look ever the more rock star that he truly is.
Finally found the latest episode of Deadliest Catch online and it was devastating to watch. LD chose not to watch so he quietly sat near me and held my hand whenever I started to cry. And I did cry.
As a parent, as a child, I totally got where both Jake and Phil were coming from, but it didn’t help knowing somehow that Jake had just said goodbye to his father face to face for the last time and that Phil was giving him his blessing to learn how to live life sober and without a father.
While I’m sure that much of the editing this season was done to emphasize Phil’s ultimate fate, the simple fact is that he gave voice to the knowledge that time was running out and somehow he felt it. It weighed on him. And all the pressure on the boys was for their sake as well as his. His desire to see his sons succeed seemed to be at the forefront of his mind.
Then Josh getting the call that he needed to return to the hospital because Phil had an “event”…just as he was returning with his dad’s lucky necklace…too much. But the clincher was Josh calling Jake to tell him their dad was gone.
Every time I think I’m done shedding tears, something strikes me again in a new way and I’m back at it. LD’s never far away and offers me a smile or a hug. He’s decided he’ll watch the whole season at once on DVD. I get that. By then, he hopes Phil’s death will be less shocking.
Don’t even start me on the Johnny Cash. I’ll lose it again.
We spent the majority of the day out with wild horses. Little Dude was suitably awed. Even more awed whenever one would approach him.
I was fascinated by how many of the horses we saw were sporting leg feathers (wonderful tufts of hair on fetlocks), especially this far into summer — and it was hot up there, just not as hot as it is down here. That was another thing: it may have been around 90 or so up there, but it’s currently 115 in the backyard. Tell me where you’d rather hang out!
We saw various bands of horses, including the group with my little colt from the other day. The real finds were 1) the white horse, 2) Mr. One Ear, who obviously has battled for his role as leader, 3) and three foals who surrounded my one photog buddy and trapped him amongst the brush. That, my friends, was pure comedy gold there. Bjorn was a little freaked out by it, but we laughed. Seriously, these three were nothing short of adorable and the worst they could do to you was cute you to death. Or snot you. Little Snickerdoodle, the tiniest of the three (and yes, that’s his name…he told me!), snotted me but good. Oh well, for what it’s worth, it’s the best snot ever. And the cutest.
Now we must recover from all the cute and all the awesome. And we also must call my mom back and wish her a happy birthday yet again.
I know Jihad Gene usually does a Friday dance party and Leslie usually jumps on the bus (oh snap! Did you just see what I did there?), but Little Dude and I decided to start our Saturday with a dance-off because we’re just that weird. Shocking, I know.
We did NOTHING yesterday and it was wonderful. Okay, I did dishes since the handle/lock on the dishwasher decided not to work, and I made food, but that was pretty much it. And we listened to a lot of music. There was that. But now we’re adequately rested and it’s time for música y baile! Usually when we get to this point, we default to Zucchero. Why should today be any different?
Happy Saturday, everyone!
MBT and my MOBD joined up with LD and me for a drive out to the dry lake bed for a night shoot. Wasn’t sure what we were going to do exactly, but we ended up with LD as model as we played with lighting. Scary part: LD had on a red shirt. I had on a red shirt. MOBD had on a red shirt. When we went to pick up MBT…red shirt. We looked like some dorky tourist family, or we would have if there’d been anyone around to see us. We did stop to have a late night breakfast on the way back. Once home, Little Dude (who is now officially at least the same height as me) promptly went upstairs and fell asleep.
P.S. It was only about 104 out at the lake bed at 9pm. Then the wind started. Hot wind. It was oddly nice.