2016/06/26

Ten Years After and it Still Stings

Da Goddess @ 00:06

Rob was the sort of man who got under your skin and migrated to your heart, kind of like a thorn or a parasite. And I mean that in the best way possible. Basically, once you made contact with him there was no way you were going to shake him.

TEN YEARS. Ten whole years he’s been gone. It continues to feel as though he might still call or email, as if there’s another story he needs to tell. I don’t know if that’ll ever really go away.

There are far too few people in this world like him and the loss of just one such person reveals the special place we hold in our hearts for them. I, thankfully, live with and love such a character. But the space where Rob lived will never truly be filled by anyone else. And I’m okay with that. Special friends deserve special places forever.

Day By Day - Acidman

Chris Muir

2016/06/07

Six Months is not Enough

Da Goddess @ 01:11

I feel sick to my stomach that six months was considered an appropriate sentence for the attacker. I feel sick to my stomach because it’s not anywhere close to a deterrent for the next guy who decides he’ll assault someone and he knows he can get away with it.

My heart aches for this young woman because of all she has endured — including the trial, the questions about her life, the treatment of her by the probation officer, and so much more.

I have been in her shoes, minus the trial and national exposure. I didn’t go after my attackers because of who one of them was. I wish I had as I later learned there were more victims of his. I don’t know what happened in the other guy’s life and don’t want to know. In fact, my heart says it’s best for me not to know anything about either of them.

Just like this young woman, I was lucky to have had some incredibly supportive people in my life. They helped me through the first year of recovering from the attack. And for all those who continued to help me long after, I can only say thanks. The memories never go away completely, but they do blur around the edges and they don’t have power over me as they once did. When I read about how this young woman (and many others) have suffered, a part of me feels their pain, the panic, the anxiety that follows. I wish I’d had their courage when I was attacked. I didn’t. But I do have a bit now and am no longer ashamed by any of it. I’m hoping anyone in a similar situation understands how important it is to realize they have nothing to be ashamed of. Their attackers should be ashamed, while the victims should be supported by family, friends, and the community.

As long as there are foolish judges handing out lenient sentences, parents who obfuscate the truth and try to raise pity for their criminally convicted children, and a society that tries downplay the seriousness of sexual assault cases, these stories will continue and the victims will continue to feel ashamed for something in which they had no choice but to endure.

Your mother, sister, daughter, wife, cousin, best friend, next door neighbor…She is the one who carries this weight and this pain when the rest of us don’t give sexual assault cases the utmost care and gravity they deserve. It’s time to stop victimizing the victim over and over again, somehow turning them into a villain for expecting justice. It’s time to stop downplaying the attacker’s role and turning him into some sort of misguided, lost soul.

We need to educate our children so they understand the difference between right and wrong, teach them to take responsibility for their actions — regardless of the consequences. If they do the crime, they do the time. It’s not negotiable. Rich or poor, boy or girl, black or white or purple, famous or not. At some point we must stand up for victims and stop allowing the perpetrators to control the narrative, stop giving them nonstop media coverage. Let’s remember the victims could be our family, friends, or even ourselves.

2016/05/19

50 & 14: I Did It!

Da Goddess @ 03:57

I. Fucking. Did. It.

I’ve made it to 50! And the last 14 of those years included blogging. Crazy, isn’t it?

This past year’s been a rough one. Frustration, pain, and heartache seemed to be around every corner. My own health issues, my family’s health issues, deaths of friends and my sweet Celia, and having to say goodbye to Mojo as she packed up for Alaska. But this is all part of life and we get through it, don’t we?

So I’ve survived and am grateful for making it this far. Of course, I wish things were easier, but without sadness I’d never appreciate happiness; without pain I’d never appreciate pleasure. It’s all part of life. LIFE. I’m still here! I almost feel like hunting down that vice principal and a few friends’ parents just to say, “you were WRONG!”

Heavy sigh, deep breath, and many prayers I get to try writing another post like this next year!

2016/05/01

Christos Anesti! Tis Pascha Once Again

Da Goddess @ 00:02

Christos Anesti! He is Risen!

Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs bestowing life!

Before the dawn, Mary and the women came and found the stone rolled away from the tomb. They heard the angelic voice: “Why do you seek among the dead as a man the One who is everlasting light? Behold the clothes in the grave! Go and proclaim to the world: The Lord is risen! He has slain death, as He is the Son of God, saving the race of men.”

Thou didst decend into the tomb, O Immortal, Thou didst destory the power of death! In victory didst Thou arise, O Christ God, proclaiming “Rejoice” to the myrrhbearing women, granting peace to Thy apostles, and bestowing resurrection to the fallen.

The angel cried to the Lady Full of Grace: Rejoice, O Pure Virgin! Again I say: Rejoice! Your Son is risen from His three days in the tomb! With Himself He has raised all the dead! Rejoice, all you people! Shine! Shine! O New Jerusalem! The Glory of the Lord has shone on you! Exalt now and be glad, O Zion! Be radiant, O Pure Theotokos, in the Resurrection of your Son!

Happy Easter, my friends!

2016/03/27

Happy Easter!

Da Goddess @ 00:25

Happy Easter

Wishing you a very joyous Easter!

We’ll do this again May 1st, okay?

2016/01/27

Three Things

Da Goddess @ 02:51

First thing: my favorite doctor I’m currently seeing for my back is leaving to start his own practice or something like that. I found this out on Monday and promptly felt abandoned. There will be another doc taking his place, but it won’t be the same. He could tell just by looking at me how I was feeling and seemed to understand my and anticipate my needs. I’m going to miss him greatly.

Thing, the second: I’m finally going to celebrate Christmas with the family! Woo hoo! Very excited about this.

Thirdly, I’m going to meet my lost sister. I feel as though I have waited forever to meet her, and I suppose that’s accurate. I mean, since I found out about her I’ve wanted to meet her and now I’m going to! (Yeah that super high-pitched thing you heard but thought you only imagined was my squeal of delight.)

Yes! I managed a concise post! Make note of this, friends. It’ll likely never happen again.

2016/01/22

Protected: Worst. Friend. Ever.

Da Goddess @ 02:04

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2015/12/21

TJH: Inspire – Ode to Joy

Da Goddess @ 08:12

Tis the season for joy, is it not?

Yesterday, while baking cookies with King Arthur’s daughter and grandkids, I’d noticed something interesting: an upside-down candy cane cookie was right next to a wreath cookie, which was next to a mitten cookie. Looking at the way they were laid out there, it read “Joy” to me. Everyone else came over to look and they saw the same thing. It was appropriate for the occasion, as well as for the season.

Which brings me to my next bit of joy: my kids.

Mojo was down from Fairbanks the 2nd-9th. We only got a bit of one day together, but it was wonderful to see her, AND LD, again. Yes, they both met up with us at a little place down Temecula way. I’d told them we were going to do some photos for Grammy and Papa and they were cool with that. Here are a couple shots from that day.

Mojo 1

My sweet kids

LD 1

My Mojo girl

LD 2

Mojo 2

Handsome LD

A wonderful pair

Beautiful Mojo

2015/11/15

Recovery

Da Goddess @ 04:27

With all that’s been going on in my life (family stuff, faire, cat training, etc.), I forgot all about mydomain registration being due. As I’m sure you noticed, we went dark.

I feel so stupid! This isn’t like me to forget these things. I briefly contemplated not renewing at all and hanging up my blogging suit for good. But, after 20 seconds, I realized there was no way I could do without this site.

And so I’m back. Thanks for sticking around while I got my shit together!

Back to business as usual in a few moments.

2015/11/03

The Lost Sister

Da Goddess @ 02:09

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before, but in case I didn’t or if you missed it — I have another sister. Yes, I have my older sister, C., and my younger sister, J. But there’s also another sister. One I’ve never met.

When my mom was young, before she and my father got married, she had a child. She gave that child up for adoption. She’d named her, but her adoptive parents gave her a name of their own choosing. My mom never knew what that name was. She said her goodbye to that little girl and went forward with her life.

Years later, this child tracked down my mom. She didn’t want anything other than to know who she was, get some background on her, and, of course, get medical information from her.

I was the last one in the family to find out about her. My mom thought I might not understand. But Mom did finally tell me about her and I always wondered about her. B., as she was named, was a mystery. A mystery I wanted to solve. Or, at least, explore.

It’s been many years since the revelation of this mysterious sister and now I’m finally going to get some answers to the questions I have. Turns out she’s living in California, not far from my younger sister. She walked into the veterinary clinic where J. works and, in the course of chatting, discovered they were related. B. was suddenly a reality for us.

J. called to tell me about her and wanted to know if I was interested in meeting her. Hell to the YES! And now our journey of discovery begins.

I’ll keep you posted on our progress!

2015/09/27

Vanity, Thy Name Is Fletch

Da Goddess @ 02:35

My darling boy, you are one of the silliest cats I’ve ever known. You are also one of the clumsiest cats I’ve ever known. And yet, you are also one of the vainest cats I’ve ever known.

Fletch doesn’t do it often, but when he does, he does it for hours. Doing what, you ask? Examining himself in the mirror. He’s prone to sitting in front of the mirror for long periods of time. Adjusting his position, this way and that. Stretching his neck. Moving his tail. Turning his body. Practicing poses. He’s like a teenage girl prentending to be a model. When he finds the one pose he prefers for the session, he gives himself a good long look in the mirror, blinks, good long look again, slightly turns, adjusts the pose to get it right, looks at himself in the mirror again, and then when he gets it exactly right, he stares. Stares. And then he stares some more.

I stand off to the side and watch him do this. I try to get his attention in every conceivable way, but he just wants to gaze upon himself. His very lovely self. Not even the promise of food can lure him away when he’s in one of his vanity trances. One of these days, I’ll record him doing this and post it online. One of these days. We’ll see how that works for me.

2015/09/11

September 11 – 14 Years Later

Da Goddess @ 03:46

When we think of this day, we often focus on the loss and the pain. It’s very natural for us to do so because it was a very painful time for our country. So many people lost so very much. But a lot of good has risen from the ashes of that dark day. Here’s a story from Bob Dotson:

He no longer put off anything that brought them joy. “If we’re lying on the floor and all of a sudden Victoria says, ‘Daddy, I want to go to the park,’ I’m like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to go to the park.’ That’s what I’m thinking, but I say, ‘Let’s go. We’re going to the park.’ ”

Robert shouted “Hang on, guys!” as the kids squealed with laughter. They were riding in a grocery cart, careening across the lot toward dad’s big SUV. “Why should I deprive my children from going shopping?” Robert said. “I see all the other mothers going shopping with their kids. Why can’t I do it?”

He raced alongside the grocery cart, jumped on its rear axle and pushed with a powerful leg. The children exploded with laughter again. “When my kids smile, the terrorists lose,” Robert said with a grin. “The people who killed Janet wanted to destroy our happy lives. They lost. We won.”

In his book American Story, Dotson also tells of a Newfoundland town that took in stranded passengers from several planes that were forced to land. It’s a beautiful story. The entire book is full of them. To say I recommend this book highly is an understatement. It’s what every American should read. Most particularly today. Go get yourself a copy and let each story remind you why America is so special, why we triumph even when faced with horrifying tragedy like September 11, 2001.

Today, while I remember the lives lost and those impacted by the the actions of hateful people, I will also remember the goodness and strength we found along the road to recovery. Neighbor helping neighbor. Children leading their parents. Strangers holding hands and offering whatever they could to ease another’s burdens. We have triumphed because that’s what America is all about.

Yes, I still remember and I still grieve, but I also see the promise of America through the veil of tears.

Always remember, and always hope.

2015/09/08

Another Star in the Heavens

Da Goddess @ 03:07

Sunday morning began with a phone call I couldn’t have anticipated in a hundred years. My friend Becca had just died. Becca. BECCA! No way! No. Just. NO!

Her boyfriend told me she’d been admitted to the hospital on Friday with a(nother?) broken leg. Or perhaps her previous break had problems. He saw her on Saturday. Sunday morning, her aunt calls to say she died. How does this happen? Why?

I have four sent texts saved on my phone. One was to her and her son after faire this past spring. It read #pickle. If you knew her son, you’d be laughing your ass off right now. He’s a special young man. Aspergers. Just becoming a teen. And now his rock, his only light is gone. I’m crying for him, his loss, and the fact that his mom is gone from us. Each and every time I think of B, I cry because everything she did she did for him.

All of us are stunned by this news. It’s not right. It’s…it’s so wrong in so many ways.

This makes two friends I’ve lost this summer. Both amazing women. Both some of the most incredible spirits I’ve ever encountered. Our little corner at faire is now going to be their corner. Forever their corner.

Becca, my friend, please know we’re missing you and we’ll do whatever we can to help your boy. We love you!

2015/08/15

The Gentle Goodbye

Da Goddess @ 02:08

International Cat Day model Celia

This is going to be a rather quiet and somewhat sad weekend for us. Come Monday morning, we’ll be taking Celia in to the vet’s to be euthanized. She’s been so sick these past few months and her treatments don’t last as long and are becoming more difficult to give her. So it was decided yesterday afternoon that the kindest thing we could do would be to let her just fall asleep and never wake up again. We’ll cry (I already have — several times) and we’ll say our goodbyes and be there as she goes.

The vet had listed a few options of treatment, all costly, of course, but none of the courses of treatment were guaranteed to help her at all, or to help her long term, or to even heal her. If we were rich, sure we might consider some of the options, but eventually we would have to make the tough decision and do what was, ultimately, the best thing for HER.

I think she knows what’s up. She’s come out of deep hiding and is in visible seclusion instead. She’s no longer flinching when I approach her because she, again, seems to know we’re not going to bother her with meds any further. All I want for her is to come out, spend time where’s she’s most comfortable, and be her lovely self as we prepare ourselves emotionally.

Celia is our gorgeous, furry princess. After she got over her initial shyness and distrust, she became very loving and exceedingly insistent we pet her. It was funny. Whatever it took to get us to bend to her will, well, she was willing to do it. And so were we. On the rare days when she was in play mode, Celia was hysterical. She’d chase and leap and skitter across the floor, she’d meow and make a big deal out of it. And then, five minutes later, she’d be done. Most fun was watching her play with Fletch. They were funny as hell together! Fletch loved it and he was always sad when she’d end the game sooner than he wanted.

There will never be another cat as beautiful as Celia. There will never be another cat as unique as she is. We’re going to miss our Baby Girl.

2015/07/19

Hot… and… Muggy

Da Goddess @ 23:51

Hot and muggy trending high in this part of the coutry. We are not fans. Not in the least.

As far as my meds go, I’m settling in with the higher dose of Oxycontin and having no real problems with the Baclofen. Well, I’m a bit sleepy on all of this, but that’s to be expected. I have noticed, however, that I tend to kind of fall out in the middle of typing or watching television. If l begin to drift off here, you’ll likely see random letters appear in no particular order. kkkkdddddddoooosssssssds]sssssssss yeah, kind of like that. I don’t even know it’s happening until I snap to and feel the heaviness ooi in my fingers and have to fight to get them to let upllllllllllllllllkkkkkkkkkkkklllll laasddddddddddddddddd

It’s kind of an odd sensation: that total disconnect with all the rest of the world at the drop of a hat. It’s very disconcerting, to say the least. I sort of nod off during conversations, watching TV, trying to type or play a game. Sometimes I’m just llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll do that. I do a lot of backtracking with the TV. And convos. If you saw how many times I’ve had to backspace this post alone, you’d be amazed.

Well, I’m going to lie down and hope I get some sleep. The sleep I’ve had since starting the Baclofen is working out well. I still wake up with numbness and tingling extremities and pain, but the sleep has been significantly more restful than I’ve had in ages. I”ll take it!

Oh, one more thing (I’ve turned into Columbo all of a sudden): My mom just turned 80 this weekend. Have a slug of some beverage of your choosing in her honor, please. We’re going to keep celebrating each and every event with my parents now that they’re both octogenarians.

Okay, now I’m really going to lie down, listen to the rain, and fall asleep.

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