2019/07/15

Ugh #62518

Da Goddess @ 08:09

The pharmacy that sends my prescriptions was slow with my pain meds. Today was started on Tylenol, which is only slightly better than nothing. Still, I took it because I needed some sort of relief…anything. Tylenol was my only option. The delivery of my meds is supposed to happen today and I can’t wait.

Since I had no pain meds, my walk was abbreviated this morning. I’ve been gradually adding distance to my meanderings; however, without meds, I basically did just enough to shake some of the stiffness I’ve had. Yesterday, I completed most of my regular route. There were, unfortunately, too many days last week when I did NO walking due to my pain level.

Last week was also notable for serious ankle pain from an old injury exacerbated by a recent fall. I’ve fallen more times in the past six or seven months than I have in the past three or four years combined. Only a couple of the recent falls have had led to new injuries. Thankfully, none have been too TOO bad. Like all our recent earthquakes (I’ve only felt two aftershocks), it leaves me feeling something worse is just around the corner. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a morbid past time for anyone, but doubly so for me since the insurance company has decided to play games when it comes to allowing me to see doctors with whom I’ve established therapeutic relationships. In other words: the insurance company is full of doodyheads and I’m fighting for every single thing I need.

So, um, that’s what’s happening in my life.

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Oooh! Oooh! I forgot: this morning, as I was dumping my recycling in the bin, Tabby Cat came to see me. S/he is one of three strays who visit us sporadically. The other two are: Tux, a dusty gray tabby with white bib and feet. Lean and tall, too. And, Blackie. Blackie is, you guessed it, black. Blackie is the most frequent visitor and also the most skittish. Their visits almost make up for the lack of meds. ALMOST. I’m not an idiot…nothing makes up for no meds. But the cats are a wonderful distraction when I’m not feeling great.

Okay, enough of that. Time to get back to the dazzling magical content you’ve come to expect from me. I’m sorry to disappoint y’all on the regular.

2019/06/28

Apologies

Da Goddess @ 03:41

I didn’t intend to blog so little in June. It’s been a…um…uhhh…rather interesting month, to be frank. More on this at a later date.

———-

Apropos of nothing: since they’ve done live versions of All in the Family and The Jeffersons, why not give us an episode or two of Soap? That show was ahead of its time and would be perfect to play for today’s audience.

2019/05/18

Five Three. FIVE. THREE.

Da Goddess @ 00:01

I’ve made it to 53.
For the first time in ages, I feel free.
It might seem silly or somewhat trite,
But I’m making note, as is my right.
I never expected I’d live so long;
I figured by now, I’d be gone.
But now it appears I’ve made it through
And I attribute much of this to you.
You’ve been amazing, of this I’m sure.
You’ve given me friendship true and pure.
I think this is a good place to stop,
As I’ve run out of rhymes…*

This year’s mission statement is:

* No reason for this to have been a rather awful poem, it just happened. I promise not to make a habit of this. Thank you for your support.

2019/05/16

Seventeen Years

Da Goddess @ 02:59

Seventeen fucking years. 17. SEVENTEEN! I’m astounded by how many years have slipped by.

A lot of shit has gone down since I first started this blog. The worst was last year, of course. But because of you, I made it through. Thank you.

I’m not going to say much more. Really just wanted to make a note of this blogiversary and then hobble back to bed.

Thanks, everyone! I love you.

2019/02/14

Happy Valentine’s Day

Da Goddess @ 06:56

Wishing everyone a very happy Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re taken or single, you are deserving of all the love in the world!

P.S. Fletch sends his love as well.

2018/12/15

I’m Not Crying, You’re Crying…and, Yes, Okay, I’m Crying

Da Goddess @ 17:33

I had planned on my semi-regular 12 Days of Christmas music posts, but I ended up with more pain and such than I could handle, making me forget what day I should have started and which videos I was going to use. I’ll post something, just not 12 days of videos.

Twitter has been the easiest way to stay in touch with a few people and it’s easy to post occasionally, to keep a few brain cells functioning, to find some humor when I need it most. But there have also been a few tweets that made it difficult to keep the tears from flowing.

Harry Leslie Smith died November 28. I’d been following him for quite a while and was saddened to hear he was ill. At 95, I didn’t hold much hope for his recovery from pneumonia, especially after they went to chest and feeding tubes. As a nurse, I knew how bad it likely was. But, there was still a small bit of hope…a tiny flame that Harry would make it, that his son would be able to take his dad home and eventually get back on the road, visiting refugee camps, appearing at speaking engagements, and maybe finishing another book. I felt extremely invested because of my dad. I knew all too well the way Harry’s son, John’s heart was racing and breaking. I offered whatever words I thought could possibly help, though in that situation nothing ever really helps. And I went at the news that Harry had succumbed to his illness.

— * — I’m going to ask you now to Google Harry Leslie Smith so you can learn more about this man who went from sheer poverty to soldier to author to human rights advocate during his remarkable life. I cannot do just to his legacy here. Please Google him. Quick link to his Wikipedia page for those too stubborn to Google. I’ll wait here. — * —

You’re back! Okay. So, now you know a bit about the astounding man who didn’t let the last years of his life go slowly or easily. Harry chose to do something to help others. He spoke his mind and heart. What a beautiful way to live, right?

His son, John, is continuing to update Harry’s Twitter account and is planning to continue on with the work Harry was devoted to. He’ll be in San Diego soon and then Mexico so he can see for himself what’s happening with the refugees who’ve been held by our government for simply seeking asylum. What’s happening down there is a travesty and to know that John is following in his father’s footsteps is enough to make my heart burst. Vale, Harry Leslie Smith. And to John, best to you. I know how hard it is to keep looking ahead, but you are most definitely your father’s son and you are meant for a very purposeful life.

Now on to the next item that stopped me in my tracks, leaving me teary and red-eyed. This story about a friendship no one really saw coming and how one woman’s loss brought this friendship to light. For Lin Wang’s family, especially his daughter Shirley, I send my heartfelt condolences and I send my gratitude for sharing this story. There are always surprises in everyone’s lives, but there are some that really take one aback.

For everyone missing a loved one this season, I feel you. For me this is raw and unknown territory. Perhaps it is for you, too. I’m here. Leave a comment. Let’s talk.

2018/11/22

Happy Thanksgiving!

Da Goddess @ 08:55

Wishing each and every single one of you a very happy Thanksgiving! May you have blessings so numerous you lose count.

I’m so grateful to have made it through this rather trying year in one piece.

I’m grateful my sister has recovered from her stroke.

I’m grateful my mom is still with us.

I’m grateful for my beautiful children.

I’m grateful for my very sweet cat.

I’m grateful for my friends.

I’m grateful for my doctors.

I’m grateful I’m still alive.

I’m so grateful for so many things I can’t think of them all!

Happy Thanksgiving, my dear ones!

2018/11/08

Lost, But Nevertheless Clueless

Da Goddess @ 19:04

Still adjusting to some of the behind the scenes changes to the blog. The blogroll has completely disappeared. I have no idea where it went or how to get it back. In fact, I have no idea how to do many things related to the blog anymore. But I’m okay with being clueless, just as I’m okay with being lost in general.

Sometimes the best experiences come along when you have no idea where you are or how to do something or, better still, the both simultaneously. That’s pretty much where I reside these days.

The only thing I know for certain is I’m still kicking about. That’ll do for now.

2018/10/20

Blackout

Da Goddess @ 12:14

Sorry for the blackout. Demonic code was the culprit. It’s probably a good thing it happened when it did because I was in a dark place, too, and you’d have been subjected to RANTS.

Of the many causes for my personal darkness, the kavanaugh debacle was one of the worst. It triggered several very traumatic memories, most of which I’ve written about before. That this man now sits on the Supreme Court is heartbreaking for many thousands of sexual assault survivors. That there are elected officials — WOMEN — who helped make it happen makes me want to vomit, even weeks later.

The only regret I have about this unintentional blackout is not being able to celebrate Little Dude’s birthday on the blog. L.D. just turned 22. For those who’ve been here from the beginning, it’s kinda shocking, isn’t it? He was 6 when I started blogging. Actually, 5½, but still, he was YOUNG! Now he’s a grown man who owns a truck, works hard at a job he enjoys, and he’s even more than I could have ever hope for all those years ago when he first arrived. His kindness, generosity, intelligence, and humor are still intact and I’m 100% proud of who he is. I’m grateful to be able to declare him my favorite son.

As I go about trying to catch up with everything, I’ll work on posting some of the writing I was doing offline. And I’ll try to update you with what’s happening in my wretched existence. (It’s not all dark, I promise.)

Sending out hugs to all of you… except that guy in the corner. No hugs for him.

2018/08/20

Monday Musings

Da Goddess @ 00:01

We all judge ourselves by what we deem effortless by other people. It’s terribly unfair to ourselves and terribly unfair to those whose work or lives we admire.

Chris Addison wrote the best post about this very subject and I can’t think of a single thing to add to it. It’s brilliant as is.

Another thought: if you admire what someone else has created, let them know. Even if they never get your message, be it spoken or written or whatever, your thoughts add to the power and energy of goodness in the universe. We need that more and more every day.

2018/08/16

Thursday Thoughts

Da Goddess @ 00:01

“Every popsicle is a race against time” ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda

Ain’t that the truth?

From the same Twitter thread:

“Live each day like it’s a popsicle in summer” ~ Blake Severson

I’m telling you, Twitter has been a life-saver this year.

2018/08/04

Yes!

Da Goddess @ 22:49

Talked with my big sister on the phone today. First time since her stroke. Her progress is remarkable! C’s speech is still slow, but it’s clear and that’s an amazing accomplishment. So many stroke patients don’t get back to even 50%.

Thank you for all your prayers! C still has a ways to go before she’s where she wants to be, but for me, this is a miracle and I will never not be grateful for her surviving this and for your support.

2018/07/29

Down the Toilet

Da Goddess @ 08:44

If you’ve read the Secret Squirrel post ( because you know where the password can be found [it hasn’t changed location or the actual word]), then you’ll need to cleanse your palate. I might have just the thing for you.

Why is it that I can sometimes use almost an entire roll of toilet paper in one sitting and have no problem with the flush, but other times I barely use any and the toilet requires double plunging?

I’m sure it has more to do with the crappy (pun intended) plumbing than it does my bathroom needs/habits. But, y’know I had to put the question out there.

2018/07/17

Finding Room

Da Goddess @ 17:41

I keep trying to find room for my grief and everything else in my life. It’s almost as if I have to choose between them.

Of course, my pain issues are also trying to hog the spotlight and I’m exhausted from all the juggling.

Weariness doesn’t even come close to what I feel. Emotionally and physically, I’m depleted. I have no spoons* for anything beyond getting up to go to the bathroom, making toast, and feeding the cat. Showering is necessary, but it’s at a respectable 4th or 5th on my list. I just don’t have any gas left in the tank.

I wonder when and/or how any of this is going to change.

* Spoon theory states that you have a spoon (representing energy) for every task you perform throughout the day. However, you only have a certain number of spoons available per 24 hour period. For people with chronic illnesses, pain, or disabilities you often have to use more spoons to accomplish a simple task. Sometimes you borrow from tomorrow, but you never know what the consequences of doing that will be. For instance, Dad’s memorial took almost all my spoons for that day and some from the day after. The next day, I was stuck in bed, unable to move without great effort and pain. Too much standing and moving around. Try assigning 15 spoons to all your most important activities in a single day. Anything requiring more effort gets more than one spoon.

…..

…..

…..

How’d that work for you? Now add in grief and anxiety. It’s taxing, to say the least.

2018/07/14

My New Motto

Da Goddess @ 23:04

From Paula Pell:

I’m gonna hang on to hope like a cat on a fucking lace curtain. Wild eyed, fully aware that it will eventually be okay.

That about sums up everything.

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