2013/11/19

I Got Mine

Da Goddess @ 12:23

Ready for the apocalypse

We’re off to battle Windows 8

2013/10/21

Everyone Has to Start Somewhere

Da Goddess @ 05:10

Mr. Quimby: So, you agree to start your great climb to success, your climb to the very top?

Norman Phiffier: I’m ready to climb!

Mr. Quimby: By starting at the very bottom?

Norman Phiffier: Right down below the depths of the bottom, deep, lowest place where I am, I’ll start.

I love Jerry Lewis movies and I ain’t afraid to say it.

2013/10/12

Yes, I Really Do Believe Cats Think Like This

Da Goddess @ 13:11

Because they ARE refined creatures, you know.

insults + cats = truth

2013/06/17

More Bacon!! II

Da Goddess @ 08:22

And this is yet another reason I say bacon should be its own food group.

Jim Gaffigan on Bacon

Here’s a really funny video clip of comedian Jim Gaffigan doing a bit about bacon on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. Transcript below.

“I just had some bacon. Anybody ever had bacon before? It’s good. Oh, my greasy lover, bacon. It’s the best!

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon. If it weren’t for bacon, we wouldn’t even know what a water chestnut is. “Thank you bacon. Sincerely, Water Chestnut III.”

And bits of bacon, bits of bacon are like the fairy dust of the food community. “You don’t want this baked potato? Brrring! Now it’s your favorite part of the meal. Not interested in the salad? Bibbity bobbity BACON. I just turned it into an entree.”

But once you put bacon in a salad, it’s no longer a salad. It just becomes a game of ‘find the bacon in the lettuce’. It’s like you’re panning for gold. Eureka!

There is something dishonest though about putting bacon in a salad – it’s kind of like smoking while you jog. “I want the BLT, but I’ll just get a salad with bacon and tomato. Can you put it between two pieces of toast and stick a toothpick through it? That’d be great…”

It’s amazing the shrinkage that occurs with bacon. You start with a pound, you end up with a bookmark.

I never feel like I get enough bacon, at breakfast it’s like they’re rationing it. “Here’s your two strips of bacon.” “I want more, more bacon!”

Whenever I’m at a brunch buffet and they have that big metal tray filled with the 4000 pieces of bacon, I always think, “If I was here by myself…I would eat only bacon. I would steal this tray, go lay down, and eat bacon all day.”

But you can’t eat bacon all day, cause it’s horrible for you. You know bacon’s bad when a healthier choice is a donut. And we’ve known bacon is bad for thousands of years. It’s literally a restriction on entering certain religious. “Our rules: No Killing, No Cheating on Your Wife, No Bacon.” “Oooh, what was that last one?” “No Bacon.” “Aaah, I’m in the wrong line.”

“How many bacon jokes is he gonna do? It’s like, come on!”

But bacon is that good. I bet if you put bits of bacon on a strip of bacon, you could travel back in time. It’s like a tasty vortex.

And fat back, supposedly fat back is like bacon on steroids, you know. I’ve never tried fat back, probably because it’s called ‘fat back’. I don’t know what creeps me out more – fat or back. Why don’t they just throw in hairy while they’re at it? “That’s some good hairy fat back. That reminds me, your mother called.”

“That’s gotta be the end of the bacon jokes…”

I even like the name Bacon. You can’t tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn’t somehow tied to his name. You’re not going out to see a Kevin Hot Dog movie. “Who’s in this movie?” “Kevin Bacon.” “Sounds good.”

Thank you very much. You’ve been like bacon.

2013/06/13

The Haircut and the Flowers and the Crows

Da Goddess @ 22:31

Today started early, was busy, and now it’s wonderfully quiet and calm.

King Arthur and I went out to get orchid food for the orchids we have in our bathroom (we threw out the bamboo that was dying very rapidly [without reason, I might add]) and thus Home Depot seemed like a good place to get it. We walked out of Home Depot with orchid food, 4 tubes of caulk, a bottle of pest spray, a flat of lobelia, a big pot of cannas, a medium sized pot of blue salvia, a big pot of red Mandevilla, and a free cutting of some sort of bromeliad. Oh, and a huge bag of potting soil.

Tomorrow is planting day. Hip hip HUZZAH!

We ran our purchases home, unloaded, and then the King dropped me off to get my hair cut. I had the gal take three inches off. Still plenty of hair left on my head and it’ll grow back quickly enough…now that the dead ends aren’t dragging the rest down.

From there, we hit Walmart to pick up baking supplies. Yeah, I’m gonna be doing some baking this weekend. King’s mother and sister and cousin are going to be coming over this weekend for dinner, so I need to contribute something. I’m making lemon squares. And a blueberry pie.

Now, about the crows…

Two days ago, King and I watched from the porch as two crows flew in, one landing in the street and the other landing on the roof of the house in front of us. The crow on the ground quickly hopped over to some rocks and plucked himself a tasty snack of a lizard. The roof bird noticed this and hopped down to the ground. Whenever lizard bird would be messing with the lizard, roof bird would hop closer, stealthily. When lizard bird would stop and turn around to see what the other bird was doing, roof bird would look away all non-chalant-like. And then the games would start up again. This went on for a good ten minutes (with us narrating the events, laughing our asses off) before lizard bird decided he’d had enough and flew off.

So much for our entertainment that evening.

Much like tonight. We’ll probably head out to watch the planes as they fly in to land at various airports. We missed, however, our regular entertainment of fireworks at Disneyland. We’re close enough to hear them, but just slightly too far away to see them. Sigh. But I close my eyes and imagine them and enjoy myself nevertheless.

2013/04/06

Recipe Needed

Da Goddess @ 23:44

Anyone with a good recipe for cockatiel?

Bird brain is about to have his life ended abruptly if he keeps attacking my dad and me.

2013/03/24

Struggling With a Sense of…IDUNNO

Da Goddess @ 14:44

The day started off so nicely, too! Breakfast with my dad and my daughter. Running to the store with Mojo after breakfast. Looking through photos with her. Smiling so much, my cheeks hurt.

Now? I’m just so…IDUNNO…I bit all the heads off my Peeps.

Of course, that makes me want more Peeps to tear into.

And I’m not even hungry! I just want to rip marshmallowy animals apart.

I think there may be something wrong with me.

2013/03/22

I Have Yet To Perish

Da Goddess @ 18:09

Meaning, I’m not dead yet.

I lived through the most recent sinus thing, even though there were times when I thought I’d rather not. I should be used to sinusy ailments by now. At 46, I’ve had approximately 10,000 sinus infections — or something near that number. It never ceases to surprise me when it happens, though. Le Sigh.

On to better things!

Like woo in a canoe!

Also, I find it disturbing that the thrift store was trying to charge $47 for a pair of pants that are barely worth $4.70. In other words, I did NOT buy them.

2013/03/15

TJH: Inspire Game Reveal

Da Goddess @ 00:11

Okay, the item in the photo is indicated by the white arrow.

Harmonica holder for Ryan Bingham

And now you know.

I’ll try to come up with more “guess what this is” posts if you’re up to playing them. Once a week sound good?

2013/03/09

TJH: Inspire – Weekend Game

Da Goddess @ 04:57

Any guesses as to what this is?

Any Guesses?

2013/02/17

Labels

Da Goddess @ 06:05

On my list of pet peeves:

Labels.

My dad has a shampoo bottle from the local dollar store. On the back, the label claims the shampoo will work on the following hair types: fine, normal. The other hair type listed? Dry. Let’s get something straight here: you can have fine, dry hair. You can have fine, normal hair. You can also have fine, oily hair. Fine refers to the thickness of hair (fine or coarse…or fine or thick — either works). Dry, normal, and oily refer to the oil content of hair. The bar graph on the back of the bottle shouldn’t have tried to combine two things that didn’t go together and pretend they did.

Now, on to my dad’s hair gel. Yes, he has hair gel. He likes his hair to stay where he wants it. Anyhow, his hair gel claims it’ll make hair and scalp tingle with its overwhelming freshness. Ummm…hair doesn’t tingle. Your scalp can tingle because it has nerve endings all over it. However, hair strands do NOT have nerve endings. If they did, we’d all be in massive pain whenever we got haircuts, blow dried or curled our hair, and even just had the wind whip it around. So, no…the gel cannot make one’s hair tingly.

My rant, for now, is done.

Please feel free to add your label misfires to this list.

2012/12/22

Super Funny for a Saturday

Da Goddess @ 05:12

Just don’t read these if you’re around someone trying to sleep. Or if you’re doing anything solemn.

Promise me.

Okay?

Ready?

Have the tissues ready because I laughed so hard I had tears streaming out of my eyes.

ya go.

2012/12/21

Butt of the Joke

Da Goddess @ 04:15

Overheard: “But, it’s like there’s a crack in my ass!”

I just couldn’t.

Try as I might to not laugh, it couldn’t be helped.

2012/12/08

I Wish It Was Christmas Today

Da Goddess @ 03:48

2012/11/22

A Dancing Turkey is Never Not Funny

Da Goddess @ 22:20

Joey Turkey Dance